Candide; or, Optimism
{"WorkMasterId":7764,"WpPageId":289611,"ParentWpPageId":193808,"Slug":"candide","Url":"https://chrisdeasy.com/theos/humanities/philosophy/philosophers/voltaire-francois-marie-arouet/candide/","RelativeUrl":"theos/humanities/philosophy/philosophers/voltaire-francois-marie-arouet/candide/","HasFullText":true,"RawHtmlLength":305036,"CleanHtmlLength":249338,"Kicker":"Philosophy Work","Title":"Candide; or, Optimism","Deck":"Voltaire turns philosophical satire against Leibnizian optimism, providential complacency, war, cruelty, clerical power, and metaphysics detached from suffering.","BackLink":{"Text":"Back to Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet)","Url":"https://chrisdeasy.com/theos/humanities/philosophy/philosophers/voltaire-francois-marie-arouet/"},"AuthorCard":{"Label":"Author","Title":"Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet)","Url":"https://chrisdeasy.com/theos/humanities/philosophy/philosophers/voltaire-francois-marie-arouet/","MediaHref":"","ImageSrc":"https://chrisdeasy.com/wp-content/uploads/voltaire-francois-marie-arouet-01-largilliere-carnavalet-portrait.jpg","ImageAlt":"Voltaire in a Largilliere portrait at the Musee Carnavalet","FilterTerra":"Western Europe","ClickText":"Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet)","ClickHref":"https://chrisdeasy.com/theos/humanities/philosophy/philosophers/voltaire-francois-marie-arouet/","Copies":["1694 CE – 1778 CE","Paris","French Enlightenment writer and philosopher whose deism, satire, toleration campaigns, Newtonian public science, civil-liberties advocacy, and anti-clerical critique made him a defining public intellectual of eighteenth-century Europe."]},"ContextCards":[{"Label":"Period","Key":"Period:3","Title":"Early Modern History","DateText":"1500 CE – 1799 CE","Url":"https://chrisdeasy.com/theos/humanities/philosophy/eras-of-thought/philosophers-of-early-modern-history/"},{"Label":"Era","Key":"Era:8","Title":"Scientific Revolution and State Formation","DateText":"1600 CE – 1699 CE","Url":"https://chrisdeasy.com/theos/humanities/philosophy/eras-of-thought/philosophers-of-early-modern-history/philosophers-of-the-scientific-revolution-and-state-formation/"},{"Label":"Composition","Title":"1759 CE","Url":"","DateText":""}],"DateNote":"Displayed as 1759 CE for first publication; anonymous publication and rapid edition history are noted as transmission evidence.","GeoCards":[{"Label":"Region","Key":"Region:1"},{"Label":"Terra Avita","Key":"TerraAvita:1"},{"Label":"Terra Avita Region","Key":"TerraAvitaRegion:1"},{"Label":"Modern Country","Key":"Country:FRA:1"}],"OriginalTitle":"Candide, ou l\u0027Optimisme","Language":"French","DisciplineCards":[{"Label":"Primary Discipline","Key":"Discipline:metaphysics"},{"Label":"Secondary Discipline","Key":"Discipline:ethics"}],"Tradition":"French Enlightenment critique, deism, toleration, civil liberties, philosophical satire, and Newtonian public philosophy","FullText":{"Title":"Full Text","Copy":"Public-domain full text from Project Gutenberg eBook #19942 .","Url":"","Label":"","Kicker":"","Cards":[]},"CoreThesis":["Voltaire turns philosophical satire against Leibnizian optimism, providential complacency, war, cruelty, clerical power, and metaphysics detached from suffering."],"Classification":{"AlternateTitles":"Candide; Optimism; Candide ou l\u0027Optimisme","KeyConcepts":"optimism; satire; theodicy; evil; war; intolerance; cultivate our garden","Methodology":"Source-backed Voltaire work row; reference, catalog, source-surface, image-source, and scholarship rows are evidence only and no full text is imported.","Structure":"Work page with explicit lifetime display year, date note, evidence note, source linkage, and no full-text badge."},"Arguments":["Voltaire turns philosophical satire against Leibnizian optimism, providential complacency, war, cruelty, clerical power, and metaphysics detached from suffering."],"Influence":{"InfluencedBy":"John Locke, Isaac Newton, Pierre Bayle, Lord Bolingbroke, English deism, Samuel Clarke, Montesquieu, classical satire, French libertine writing, and Emilie du Chatelet.","InfluenceOn":""},"Significance":["Accepted as Voltaire\u0027s central philosophical satire and as a direct work row with source context only.","Voltaire remains central to debates over toleration, free expression, religious criticism, satire, civil liberties, public intellectual life, deism, natural religion, and Enlightenment political culture."],"EvidenceNote":["Accepted as Voltaire\u0027s central philosophical satire and as a direct work row with source context only."],"MainSections":[{"Kind":"RawSection","Title":"Full Versions","BodyHtml":"\u003cdiv class=\"dz-philo__full-version-grid\"\u003e\n \u003carticle class=\"dz-philo__full-version-card\"\u003e\n \u003cp class=\"dz-philo__full-version-provider\"\u003eProject Gutenberg\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003ch3 class=\"dz-philo__full-version-title\"\u003eProject Gutenberg eBook #19942\u003c/h3\u003e\n \u003cp class=\"dz-philo__full-version-meta\"\u003eHtmlText · Imported\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003ca class=\"dz-philo__full-version-link\" href=\"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/19942\"\u003eOpen full version\u003c/a\u003e\n \u003c/article\u003e\n \u003c/div\u003e"},{"Kind":"TextSection","Title":"Core Thesis","Paragraphs":["Voltaire turns philosophical satire against Leibnizian optimism, providential complacency, war, cruelty, clerical power, and metaphysics detached from suffering."]},{"Kind":"FieldSection","Title":"Classification","Fields":[{"Label":"Alternate Titles","Value":"Candide; Optimism; Candide ou l\u0027Optimisme"},{"Label":"Key Concepts","Value":"optimism; satire; theodicy; evil; war; intolerance; cultivate our garden"},{"Label":"Methodology","Value":"Source-backed Voltaire work row; reference, catalog, source-surface, image-source, and scholarship rows are evidence only and no full text is imported."},{"Label":"Structure","Value":"Work page with explicit lifetime display year, date note, evidence note, source linkage, and no full-text badge."}]},{"Kind":"TextSection","Title":"Arguments","Paragraphs":["Voltaire turns philosophical satire against Leibnizian optimism, providential complacency, war, cruelty, clerical power, and metaphysics detached from suffering."]},{"Kind":"FieldSection","Title":"Influence","Fields":[{"Label":"Influenced By","Value":"John Locke, Isaac Newton, Pierre Bayle, Lord Bolingbroke, English deism, Samuel Clarke, Montesquieu, classical satire, French libertine writing, and Emilie du Chatelet."},{"Label":"Influence On","Value":"French Enlightenment, public philosophy, deism, religious toleration, civil-liberties discourse, anti-clerical critique, philosophical satire, Newtonian public science, and later liberal thought."}]},{"Kind":"TextSection","Title":"Significance","Paragraphs":["Accepted as Voltaire\u0027s central philosophical satire and as a direct work row with source context only.","Voltaire remains central to debates over toleration, free expression, religious criticism, satire, civil liberties, public intellectual life, deism, natural religion, and Enlightenment political culture."]},{"Kind":"TextSection","Title":"Evidence Note","Paragraphs":["Accepted as Voltaire\u0027s central philosophical satire and as a direct work row with source context only."]},{"Kind":"RawSection","Title":"Full Text","BodyHtml":"\u003cp class=\"dz-philo__section-copy dz-philo__full-text-source\"\u003ePublic-domain full text from \u003ca href=\"https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/19942\"\u003eProject Gutenberg eBook #19942\u003c/a\u003e.\u003c/p\u003e\n \u003carticle class=\"dz-philo__full-text-body\"\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eProduced by Chuck Greif, Fox in the Stars and the Online\u003cbr /\u003eDistributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e* * * * *\u003cbr /\u003e +————————————————————+\u003cbr /\u003e | Transcriber\u0026#39;s Note: |\u003cbr /\u003e | |\u003cbr /\u003e | Obvious typographical errors have been corrected in |\u003cbr /\u003e | this text. For a complete list, please see the bottom of |\u003cbr /\u003e | this document. |\u003cbr /\u003e | |\u003cbr /\u003e +————————————————————+\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e* * * * *\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eTHE MODERN LIBRARY\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eOF THE WORLD\u0026#39;S BEST BOOKS\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCANDIDE BY VOLTAIRE\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Publishers will be glad to mail complete list of titles\u003cbr /\u003e in the Modern Library. The list is representative of the\u003cbr /\u003e Great Moderns and is one of the most important contributions\u003cbr /\u003e to publishing that has been made for many years. Every\u003cbr /\u003e reader of books will find titles he needs at a low price in\u003cbr /\u003e an attractive form.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[Illustration: Voltaire.]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCANDIDE\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eBY VOLTAIRE\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eINTRODUCTION BY PHILIP LITTELL\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eBONI AND LIVERIGHT, INC.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003ePUBLISHERS NEW YORK\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCopyright, 1918, by\u003cbr /\u003eBONI \u0026amp; LIVERIGHT, INC.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003ePrinted in the United States of America\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eINTRODUCTION\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eEver since 1759, when Voltaire wrote \u0026quot;Candide\u0026quot; in ridicule of the notion\u003cbr /\u003ethat this is the best of all possible worlds, this world has been a\u003cbr /\u003egayer place for readers. Voltaire wrote it in three days, and five or\u003cbr /\u003esix generations have found that its laughter does not grow old.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Candide\u0026quot; has not aged. Yet how different the book would have looked if\u003cbr /\u003eVoltaire had written it a hundred and fifty years later than 1759. It\u003cbr /\u003ewould have been, among other things, a book of sights and sounds. A\u003cbr /\u003emodern writer would have tried to catch and fix in words some of those\u003cbr /\u003eAtlantic changes which broke the Atlantic monotony of that voyage from\u003cbr /\u003eCadiz to Buenos Ayres. When Martin and Candide were sailing the length\u003cbr /\u003eof the Mediterranean we should have had a contrast between naked scarped\u003cbr /\u003eBalearic cliffs and headlands of Calabria in their mists. We should have\u003cbr /\u003ehad quarter distances, far horizons, the altering silhouettes of an\u003cbr /\u003eIonian island. Colored birds would have filled Paraguay with their\u003cbr /\u003esilver or acid cries.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eDr. Pangloss, to prove the existence of design in the universe, says\u003cbr /\u003ethat noses were made to carry spectacles, and so we have spectacles. A\u003cbr /\u003emodern satirist would not try to paint with Voltaire\u0026#39;s quick brush the\u003cbr /\u003edoctrine that he wanted to expose. And he would choose a more\u003cbr /\u003ecomplicated doctrine than Dr. Pangloss\u0026#39;s optimism, would study it more\u003cbr /\u003eclosely, feel his destructive way about it with a more learned and\u003cbr /\u003ecaressing malice. His attack, stealthier, more flexible and more patient\u003cbr /\u003ethan Voltaire\u0026#39;s, would call upon us, especially when his learning got a\u003cbr /\u003elittle out of control, to be more than patient. Now and then he would\u003cbr /\u003ebore us. \u0026quot;Candide\u0026quot; never bored anybody except William Wordsworth.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eVoltaire\u0026#39;s men and women point his case against optimism by starting\u003cbr /\u003ehigh and falling low. A modern could not go about it after this fashion.\u003cbr /\u003eHe would not plunge his people into an unfamiliar misery. He would just\u003cbr /\u003ekeep them in the misery they were born to.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eBut such an account of Voltaire\u0026#39;s procedure is as misleading as the\u003cbr /\u003eplaster cast of a dance. Look at his procedure again. Mademoiselle\u003cbr /\u003eCun\u0026#233;gonde, the illustrious Westphalian, sprung from a family that could\u003cbr /\u003eprove seventy-one quarterings, descends and descends until we find her\u003cbr /\u003eearning her keep by washing dishes in the Propontis. The aged faithful\u003cbr /\u003eattendant, victim of a hundred acts of rape by negro pirates, remembers\u003cbr /\u003ethat she is the daughter of a pope, and that in honor of her\u003cbr /\u003eapproaching marriage with a Prince of Massa-Carrara all Italy wrote\u003cbr /\u003esonnets of which not one was passable. We do not need to know French\u003cbr /\u003eliterature before Voltaire in order to feel, although the lurking parody\u003cbr /\u003emay escape us, that he is poking fun at us and at himself. His laughter\u003cbr /\u003eat his own methods grows more unmistakable at the last, when he\u003cbr /\u003ecaricatures them by casually assembling six fallen monarchs in an inn at\u003cbr /\u003eVenice.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eA modern assailant of optimism would arm himself with social pity. There\u003cbr /\u003eis no social pity in \u0026quot;Candide.\u0026quot; Voltaire, whose light touch on familiar\u003cbr /\u003einstitutions opens them and reveals their absurdity, likes to remind us\u003cbr /\u003ethat the slaughter and pillage and murder which Candide witnessed among\u003cbr /\u003ethe Bulgarians was perfectly regular, having been conducted according to\u003cbr /\u003ethe laws and usages of war. Had Voltaire lived to-day he would have done\u003cbr /\u003eto poverty what he did to war. Pitying the poor, he would have shown us\u003cbr /\u003epoverty as a ridiculous anachronism, and both the ridicule and the pity\u003cbr /\u003ewould have expressed his indignation.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost any modern, essaying a philosophic tale, would make it long.\u003cbr /\u003e\u0026quot;Candide\u0026quot; is only a \u0026quot;Hamlet\u0026quot; and a half long. It would hardly have been\u003cbr /\u003eshorter if Voltaire had spent three months on it, instead of those three\u003cbr /\u003edays. A conciseness to be matched in English by nobody except Pope, who\u003cbr /\u003ecan say a plagiarizing enemy \u0026quot;steals much, spends little, and has\u003cbr /\u003enothing left,\u0026quot; a conciseness which Pope toiled and sweated for, came as\u003cbr /\u003eeasy as wit to Voltaire. He can afford to be witty, parenthetically, by\u003cbr /\u003ethe way, prodigally, without saving, because he knows there is more wit\u003cbr /\u003ewhere that came from.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eOne of Max Beerbohm\u0026#39;s cartoons shows us the young Twentieth Century\u003cbr /\u003egoing at top speed, and watched by two of his predecessors. Underneath\u003cbr /\u003eis this legend: \u0026quot;The Grave Misgivings of the Nineteenth Century, and the\u003cbr /\u003eWicked Amusement of the Eighteenth, in Watching the Progress (or\u003cbr /\u003ewhatever it is) of the Twentieth.\u0026quot; This Eighteenth Century snuff-taking\u003cbr /\u003eand malicious, is like Voltaire, who nevertheless must know, if he\u003cbr /\u003ehappens to think of it, that not yet in the Twentieth Century, not for\u003cbr /\u003eall its speed mania, has any one come near to equalling the speed of a\u003cbr /\u003eprose tale by Voltaire. \u0026quot;Candide\u0026quot; is a full book. It is filled with\u003cbr /\u003emockery, with inventiveness, with things as concrete as things to eat\u003cbr /\u003eand coins, it has time for the neatest intellectual clickings, it is\u003cbr /\u003enever hurried, and it moves with the most amazing rapidity. It has the\u003cbr /\u003erapidity of high spirits playing a game. The dry high spirits of this\u003cbr /\u003edestroyer of optimism make most optimists look damp and depressed.\u003cbr /\u003eContemplation of the stupidity which deems happiness possible almost\u003cbr /\u003emade Voltaire happy. His attack on optimism is one of the gayest books\u003cbr /\u003ein the world. Gaiety has been scattered everywhere up and down its pages\u003cbr /\u003eby Voltaire\u0026#39;s lavish hand, by his thin fingers.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eMany propagandist satirical books have been written with \u0026quot;Candide\u0026quot; in\u003cbr /\u003emind, but not too many. To-day, especially, when new faiths are changing\u003cbr /\u003ethe structure of the world, faiths which are still plastic enough to be\u003cbr /\u003edeformed by every disciple, each disciple for himself, and which have\u003cbr /\u003enot yet received the final deformation known as universal acceptance,\u003cbr /\u003eto-day \u0026quot;Candide\u0026quot; is an inspiration to every narrative satirist who hates\u003cbr /\u003eone of these new faiths, or hates every interpretation of it but his\u003cbr /\u003eown. Either hatred will serve as a motive to satire.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThat is why the present is one of the right moments to republish\u003cbr /\u003e\u0026quot;Candide.\u0026quot; I hope it will inspire younger men and women, the only ones\u003cbr /\u003ewho can be inspired, to have a try at Theodore, or Militarism; Jane, or\u003cbr /\u003ePacifism; at So-and-So, the Pragmatist or the Freudian. And I hope, too,\u003cbr /\u003ethat they will without trying hold their pens with an eighteenth century\u003cbr /\u003elightness, not inappropriate to a philosophic tale. In Voltaire\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003efingers, as Anatole France has said, the pen runs and laughs. PHILIP\u003cbr /\u003eLITTELL.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCONTENTS\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCHAPTER PAGE\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eI. How Candide was brought up in a\u003cbr /\u003e Magnificent Castle, and how he was\u003cbr /\u003e expelled thence 1\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eII. What became of Candide among the\u003cbr /\u003e Bulgarians 5\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIII. How Candide made his escape from the\u003cbr /\u003e Bulgarians, and what afterwards became\u003cbr /\u003e of him 9\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIV. How Candide found his old Master\u003cbr /\u003e Pangloss, and what happened to them 13\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eV. Tempest, Shipwreck, Earthquake, and\u003cbr /\u003e what became of Doctor Pangloss,\u003cbr /\u003e Candide, and James the Anabaptist 18\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eVI. How the Portuguese made a Beautiful\u003cbr /\u003e Auto-da-f\u0026#233;, to prevent any further\u003cbr /\u003e Earthquakes: and how Candide was\u003cbr /\u003e publicly whipped 23\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eVII. How the Old Woman took care of\u003cbr /\u003e Candide, and how he found the Object\u003cbr /\u003e he loved 26\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eVIII. The History of Cunegonde 30\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIX. What became of Cunegonde, Candide,\u003cbr /\u003e the Grand Inquisitor, and the Jew 35\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eX. In what distress Candide, Cunegonde,\u003cbr /\u003e and the Old Woman arrived at\u003cbr /\u003e Cadiz; and of their Embarkation 38\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXI. History of the Old Woman 42\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXII. The Adventures of the Old Woman\u003cbr /\u003e continued 48\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXIII. How Candide was forced away from his\u003cbr /\u003e fair Cunegonde and the Old Woman 54\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXIV. How Candide and Cacambo were received\u003cbr /\u003e by the Jesuits of Paraguay 58\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXV. How Candide killed the brother of his\u003cbr /\u003e dear Cunegonde 64\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXVI. Adventures of the Two Travellers,\u003cbr /\u003e with Two Girls, Two Monkeys, and\u003cbr /\u003e the Savages called Oreillons 68\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXVII. Arrival of Candide and his Valet at El\u003cbr /\u003e Dorado, and what they saw there 74\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXVIII. What they saw in the Country of El\u003cbr /\u003e Dorado 80\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXIX. What happened to them at Surinam and\u003cbr /\u003e how Candide got acquainted with\u003cbr /\u003e Martin 89\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXX. What happened at Sea to Candide and\u003cbr /\u003e Martin 98\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXI. Candide and Martin, reasoning, draw\u003cbr /\u003e near the Coast of France 102\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXII. What happened in France to Candide\u003cbr /\u003e and Martin 105\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXIII. Candide and Martin touched upon the\u003cbr /\u003e Coast of England, and what they saw\u003cbr /\u003e there 122\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXIV. Of Paquette and Friar Girofl\u0026#233;e 125\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXV. The Visit to Lord Pococurante, a\u003cbr /\u003e Noble Venetian 133\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXVI. Of a Supper which Candide and Martin\u003cbr /\u003e took with Six Strangers, and who\u003cbr /\u003e they were 142\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXVII. Candide\u0026#39;s Voyage to Constantinople 148\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXVIII. What happened to Candide, Cunegonde,\u003cbr /\u003e Pangloss, Martin, etc. 154\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXIX. How Candide found Cunegonde and\u003cbr /\u003e the Old Woman again 159\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXX. The Conclusion 161\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[Illustration: VOLTAIRE\u0026#39;S CANDIDE]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCANDIDE\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eI\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHOW CANDIDE WAS BROUGHT UP IN A MAGNIFICENT CASTLE, AND HOW HE WAS\u003cbr /\u003eEXPELLED THENCE.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIn a castle of Westphalia, belonging to the Baron of\u003cbr /\u003eThunder-ten-Tronckh, lived a youth, whom nature had endowed with the\u003cbr /\u003emost gentle manners. His countenance was a true picture of his soul. He\u003cbr /\u003ecombined a true judgment with simplicity of spirit, which was the\u003cbr /\u003ereason, I apprehend, of his being called Candide. The old servants of\u003cbr /\u003ethe family suspected him to have been the son of the Baron\u0026#39;s sister, by\u003cbr /\u003ea good, honest gentleman of the neighborhood, whom that young lady would\u003cbr /\u003enever marry because he had been able to prove only seventy-one\u003cbr /\u003equarterings, the rest of his genealogical tree having been lost through\u003cbr /\u003ethe injuries of time.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Baron was one of the most powerful lords in Westphalia, for his\u003cbr /\u003ecastle had not only a gate, but windows. His great hall, even, was hung\u003cbr /\u003ewith tapestry. All the dogs of his farm-yards formed a pack of hounds at\u003cbr /\u003eneed; his grooms were his huntsmen; and the curate of the village was\u003cbr /\u003ehis grand almoner. They called him \u0026quot;My Lord,\u0026quot; and laughed at all his\u003cbr /\u003estories.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Baron\u0026#39;s lady weighed about three hundred and fifty pounds, and was\u003cbr /\u003etherefore a person of great consideration, and she did the honours of\u003cbr /\u003ethe house with a dignity that commanded still greater respect. Her\u003cbr /\u003edaughter Cunegonde was seventeen years of age, fresh-coloured, comely,\u003cbr /\u003eplump, and desirable. The Baron\u0026#39;s son seemed to be in every respect\u003cbr /\u003eworthy of his father. The Preceptor Pangloss[1] was the oracle of the\u003cbr /\u003efamily, and little Candide heard his lessons with all the good faith of\u003cbr /\u003ehis age and character.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003ePangloss was professor of metaphysico-theologico-cosmolo-nigology. He\u003cbr /\u003eproved admirably that there is no effect without a cause, and that, in\u003cbr /\u003ethis best of all possible worlds, the Baron\u0026#39;s castle was the most\u003cbr /\u003emagnificent of castles, and his lady the best of all possible\u003cbr /\u003eBaronesses.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is demonstrable,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;that things cannot be otherwise than as\u003cbr /\u003ethey are; for all being created for an end, all is necessarily for the\u003cbr /\u003ebest end. Observe, that the nose has been formed to bear\u003cbr /\u003espectacles–thus we have spectacles. Legs are visibly designed for\u003cbr /\u003estockings–and we have stockings. Stones were made to be hewn, and to\u003cbr /\u003econstruct castles–therefore my lord has a magnificent castle; for the\u003cbr /\u003egreatest baron in the province ought to be the best lodged. Pigs were\u003cbr /\u003emade to be eaten–therefore we eat pork all the year round. Consequently\u003cbr /\u003ethey who assert that all is well have said a foolish thing, they should\u003cbr /\u003ehave said all is for the best.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide listened attentively and believed innocently; for he thought\u003cbr /\u003eMiss Cunegonde extremely beautiful, though he never had the courage to\u003cbr /\u003etell her so. He concluded that after the happiness of being born of\u003cbr /\u003eBaron of Thunder-ten-Tronckh, the second degree of happiness was to be\u003cbr /\u003eMiss Cunegonde, the third that of seeing her every day, and the fourth\u003cbr /\u003ethat of hearing Master Pangloss, the greatest philosopher of the whole\u003cbr /\u003eprovince, and consequently of the whole world.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eOne day Cunegonde, while walking near the castle, in a little wood which\u003cbr /\u003ethey called a park, saw between the bushes, Dr. Pangloss giving a lesson\u003cbr /\u003ein experimental natural philosophy to her mother\u0026#39;s chamber-maid, a\u003cbr /\u003elittle brown wench, very pretty and very docile. As Miss Cunegonde had a\u003cbr /\u003egreat disposition for the sciences, she breathlessly observed the\u003cbr /\u003erepeated experiments of which she was a witness; she clearly perceived\u003cbr /\u003ethe force of the Doctor\u0026#39;s reasons, the effects, and the causes; she\u003cbr /\u003eturned back greatly flurried, quite pensive, and filled with the desire\u003cbr /\u003eto be learned; dreaming that she might well be a _sufficient reason_ for\u003cbr /\u003eyoung Candide, and he for her.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eShe met Candide on reaching the castle and blushed; Candide blushed\u003cbr /\u003ealso; she wished him good morrow in a faltering tone, and Candide spoke\u003cbr /\u003eto her without knowing what he said. The next day after dinner, as they\u003cbr /\u003ewent from table, Cunegonde and Candide found themselves behind a screen;\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde let fall her handkerchief, Candide picked it up, she took him\u003cbr /\u003einnocently by the hand, the youth as innocently kissed the young lady\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003ehand with particular vivacity, sensibility, and grace; their lips met,\u003cbr /\u003etheir eyes sparkled, their knees trembled, their hands strayed. Baron\u003cbr /\u003eThunder-ten-Tronckh passed near the screen and beholding this cause and\u003cbr /\u003eeffect chased Candide from the castle with great kicks on the backside;\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde fainted away; she was boxed on the ears by the Baroness, as\u003cbr /\u003esoon as she came to herself; and all was consternation in this most\u003cbr /\u003emagnificent and most agreeable of all possible castles.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWHAT BECAME OF CANDIDE AMONG THE BULGARIANS.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, driven from terrestrial paradise, walked a long while without\u003cbr /\u003eknowing where, weeping, raising his eyes to heaven, turning them often\u003cbr /\u003etowards the most magnificent of castles which imprisoned the purest of\u003cbr /\u003enoble young ladies. He lay down to sleep without supper, in the middle\u003cbr /\u003eof a field between two furrows. The snow fell in large flakes. Next day\u003cbr /\u003eCandide, all benumbed, dragged himself towards the neighbouring town\u003cbr /\u003ewhich was called Waldberghofftrarbk-dikdorff, having no money, dying of\u003cbr /\u003ehunger and fatigue, he stopped sorrowfully at the door of an inn. Two\u003cbr /\u003emen dressed in blue observed him.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Comrade,\u0026quot; said one, \u0026quot;here is a well-built young fellow, and of proper\u003cbr /\u003eheight.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThey went up to Candide and very civilly invited him to dinner.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Gentlemen,\u0026quot; replied Candide, with a most engaging modesty, \u0026quot;you do me\u003cbr /\u003egreat honour, but I have not wherewithal to pay my share.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh, sir,\u0026quot; said one of the blues to him, \u0026quot;people of your appearance and\u003cbr /\u003eof your merit never pay anything: are you not five feet five inches\u003cbr /\u003ehigh?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes, sir, that is my height,\u0026quot; answered he, making a low bow.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Come, sir, seat yourself; not only will we pay your reckoning, but we\u003cbr /\u003ewill never suffer such a man as you to want money; men are only born to\u003cbr /\u003eassist one another.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You are right,\u0026quot; said Candide; \u0026quot;this is what I was always taught by Mr.\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss, and I see plainly that all is for the best.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThey begged of him to accept a few crowns. He took them, and wished to\u003cbr /\u003egive them his note; they refused; they seated themselves at table.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Love you not deeply?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh yes,\u0026quot; answered he; \u0026quot;I deeply love Miss Cunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;No,\u0026quot; said one of the gentlemen, \u0026quot;we ask you if you do not deeply love\u003cbr /\u003ethe King of the Bulgarians?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Not at all,\u0026quot; said he; \u0026quot;for I have never seen him.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What! he is the best of kings, and we must drink his health.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh! very willingly, gentlemen,\u0026quot; and he drank.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;That is enough,\u0026quot; they tell him. \u0026quot;Now you are the help, the support,\u003cbr /\u003ethe defender, the hero of the Bulgarians. Your fortune is made, and your\u003cbr /\u003eglory is assured.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eInstantly they fettered him, and carried him away to the regiment. There\u003cbr /\u003ehe was made to wheel about to the right, and to the left, to draw his\u003cbr /\u003erammer, to return his rammer, to present, to fire, to march, and they\u003cbr /\u003egave him thirty blows with a cudgel. The next day he did his exercise a\u003cbr /\u003elittle less badly, and he received but twenty blows. The day following\u003cbr /\u003ethey gave him only ten, and he was regarded by his comrades as a\u003cbr /\u003eprodigy.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, all stupefied, could not yet very well realise how he was a\u003cbr /\u003ehero. He resolved one fine day in spring to go for a walk, marching\u003cbr /\u003estraight before him, believing that it was a privilege of the human as\u003cbr /\u003ewell as of the animal species to make use of their legs as they pleased.\u003cbr /\u003eHe had advanced two leagues when he was overtaken by four others, heroes\u003cbr /\u003eof six feet, who bound him and carried him to a dungeon. He was asked\u003cbr /\u003ewhich he would like the best, to be whipped six-and-thirty times through\u003cbr /\u003eall the regiment, or to receive at once twelve balls of lead in his\u003cbr /\u003ebrain. He vainly said that human will is free, and that he chose neither\u003cbr /\u003ethe one nor the other. He was forced to make a choice; he determined, in\u003cbr /\u003evirtue of that gift of God called liberty, to run the gauntlet\u003cbr /\u003esix-and-thirty times. He bore this twice. The regiment was composed of\u003cbr /\u003etwo thousand men; that composed for him four thousand strokes, which\u003cbr /\u003elaid bare all his muscles and nerves, from the nape of his neck quite\u003cbr /\u003edown to his rump. As they were going to proceed to a third whipping,\u003cbr /\u003eCandide, able to bear no more, begged as a favour that they would be so\u003cbr /\u003egood as to shoot him. He obtained this favour; they bandaged his eyes,\u003cbr /\u003eand bade him kneel down. The King of the Bulgarians passed at this\u003cbr /\u003emoment and ascertained the nature of the crime. As he had great talent,\u003cbr /\u003ehe understood from all that he learnt of Candide that he was a young\u003cbr /\u003emetaphysician, extremely ignorant of the things of this world, and he\u003cbr /\u003eaccorded him his pardon with a clemency which will bring him praise in\u003cbr /\u003eall the journals, and throughout all ages.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAn able surgeon cured Candide in three weeks by means of emollients\u003cbr /\u003etaught by Dioscorides. He had already a little skin, and was able to\u003cbr /\u003emarch when the King of the Bulgarians gave battle to the King of the\u003cbr /\u003eAbares.[2]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHOW CANDIDE MADE HIS ESCAPE FROM THE BULGARIANS, AND WHAT AFTERWARDS\u003cbr /\u003eBECAME OF HIM.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThere was never anything so gallant, so spruce, so brilliant, and so\u003cbr /\u003ewell disposed as the two armies. Trumpets, fifes, hautboys, drums, and\u003cbr /\u003ecannon made music such as Hell itself had never heard. The cannons first\u003cbr /\u003eof all laid flat about six thousand men on each side; the muskets swept\u003cbr /\u003eaway from this best of worlds nine or ten thousand ruffians who infested\u003cbr /\u003eits surface. The bayonet was also a _sufficient reason_ for the death of\u003cbr /\u003eseveral thousands. The whole might amount to thirty thousand souls.\u003cbr /\u003eCandide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he\u003cbr /\u003ecould during this heroic butchery.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt length, while the two kings were causing Te Deum to be sung each in\u003cbr /\u003ehis own camp, Candide resolved to go and reason elsewhere on effects and\u003cbr /\u003ecauses. He passed over heaps of dead and dying, and first reached a\u003cbr /\u003eneighbouring village; it was in cinders, it was an Abare village which\u003cbr /\u003ethe Bulgarians had burnt according to the laws of war. Here, old men\u003cbr /\u003ecovered with wounds, beheld their wives, hugging their children to their\u003cbr /\u003ebloody breasts, massacred before their faces; there, their daughters,\u003cbr /\u003edisembowelled and breathing their last after having satisfied the\u003cbr /\u003enatural wants of Bulgarian heroes; while others, half burnt in the\u003cbr /\u003eflames, begged to be despatched. The earth was strewed with brains,\u003cbr /\u003earms, and legs.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide fled quickly to another village; it belonged to the Bulgarians;\u003cbr /\u003eand the Abarian heroes had treated it in the same way. Candide, walking\u003cbr /\u003ealways over palpitating limbs or across ruins, arrived at last beyond\u003cbr /\u003ethe seat of war, with a few provisions in his knapsack, and Miss\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde always in his heart. His provisions failed him when he arrived\u003cbr /\u003ein Holland; but having heard that everybody was rich in that country,\u003cbr /\u003eand that they were Christians, he did not doubt but he should meet with\u003cbr /\u003ethe same treatment from them as he had met with in the Baron\u0026#39;s castle,\u003cbr /\u003ebefore Miss Cunegonde\u0026#39;s bright eyes were the cause of his expulsion\u003cbr /\u003ethence.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe asked alms of several grave-looking people, who all answered him,\u003cbr /\u003ethat if he continued to follow this trade they would confine him to the\u003cbr /\u003ehouse of correction, where he should be taught to get a living.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe next he addressed was a man who had been haranguing a large assembly\u003cbr /\u003efor a whole hour on the subject of charity. But the orator, looking\u003cbr /\u003easkew, said:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What are you doing here? Are you for the good cause?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There can be no effect without a cause,\u0026quot; modestly answered Candide;\u003cbr /\u003e\u0026quot;the whole is necessarily concatenated and arranged for the best. It was\u003cbr /\u003enecessary for me to have been banished from the presence of Miss\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde, to have afterwards run the gauntlet, and now it is necessary\u003cbr /\u003eI should beg my bread until I learn to earn it; all this cannot be\u003cbr /\u003eotherwise.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My friend,\u0026quot; said the orator to him, \u0026quot;do you believe the Pope to be\u003cbr /\u003eAnti-Christ?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I have not heard it,\u0026quot; answered Candide; \u0026quot;but whether he be, or whether\u003cbr /\u003ehe be not, I want bread.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Thou dost not deserve to eat,\u0026quot; said the other. \u0026quot;Begone, rogue; begone,\u003cbr /\u003ewretch; do not come near me again.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe orator\u0026#39;s wife, putting her head out of the window, and spying a man\u003cbr /\u003ethat doubted whether the Pope was Anti-Christ, poured over him a\u003cbr /\u003efull…. Oh, heavens! to what excess does religious zeal carry the\u003cbr /\u003eladies.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eA man who had never been christened, a good Anabaptist, named James,\u003cbr /\u003ebeheld the cruel and ignominious treatment shown to one of his\u003cbr /\u003ebrethren, an unfeathered biped with a rational soul, he took him home,\u003cbr /\u003ecleaned him, gave him bread and beer, presented him with two florins,\u003cbr /\u003eand even wished to teach him the manufacture of Persian stuffs which\u003cbr /\u003ethey make in Holland. Candide, almost prostrating himself before him,\u003cbr /\u003ecried:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Master Pangloss has well said that all is for the best in this world,\u003cbr /\u003efor I am infinitely more touched by your extreme generosity than with\u003cbr /\u003ethe inhumanity of that gentleman in the black coat and his lady.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe next day, as he took a walk, he met a beggar all covered with scabs,\u003cbr /\u003ehis eyes diseased, the end of his nose eaten away, his mouth distorted,\u003cbr /\u003ehis teeth black, choking in his throat, tormented with a violent cough,\u003cbr /\u003eand spitting out a tooth at each effort.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIV\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHOW CANDIDE FOUND HIS OLD MASTER PANGLOSS, AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, yet more moved with compassion than with horror, gave to this\u003cbr /\u003eshocking beggar the two florins which he had received from the honest\u003cbr /\u003eAnabaptist James. The spectre looked at him very earnestly, dropped a\u003cbr /\u003efew tears, and fell upon his neck. Candide recoiled in disgust.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said one wretch to the other, \u0026quot;do you no longer know your dear\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What do I hear? You, my dear master! you in this terrible plight! What\u003cbr /\u003emisfortune has happened to you? Why are you no longer in the most\u003cbr /\u003emagnificent of castles? What has become of Miss Cunegonde, the pearl of\u003cbr /\u003egirls, and nature\u0026#39;s masterpiece?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am so weak that I cannot stand,\u0026quot; said Pangloss.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eUpon which Candide carried him to the Anabaptist\u0026#39;s stable, and gave him\u003cbr /\u003ea crust of bread. As soon as Pangloss had refreshed himself a little:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;Cunegonde?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;She is dead,\u0026quot; replied the other.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide fainted at this word; his friend recalled his senses with a\u003cbr /\u003elittle bad vinegar which he found by chance in the stable. Candide\u003cbr /\u003ereopened his eyes.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Cunegonde is dead! Ah, best of worlds, where art thou? But of what\u003cbr /\u003eillness did she die? Was it not for grief, upon seeing her father kick\u003cbr /\u003eme out of his magnificent castle?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;No,\u0026quot; said Pangloss, \u0026quot;she was ripped open by the Bulgarian soldiers,\u003cbr /\u003eafter having been violated by many; they broke the Baron\u0026#39;s head for\u003cbr /\u003eattempting to defend her; my lady, her mother, was cut in pieces; my\u003cbr /\u003epoor pupil was served just in the same manner as his sister; and as for\u003cbr /\u003ethe castle, they have not left one stone upon another, not a barn, nor a\u003cbr /\u003esheep, nor a duck, nor a tree; but we have had our revenge, for the\u003cbr /\u003eAbares have done the very same thing to a neighbouring barony, which\u003cbr /\u003ebelonged to a Bulgarian lord.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt this discourse Candide fainted again; but coming to himself, and\u003cbr /\u003ehaving said all that it became him to say, inquired into the cause and\u003cbr /\u003eeffect, as well as into the _sufficient reason_ that had reduced\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss to so miserable a plight.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said the other, \u0026quot;it was love; love, the comfort of the human\u003cbr /\u003especies, the preserver of the universe, the soul of all sensible beings,\u003cbr /\u003elove, tender love.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;I know this love, that sovereign of hearts, that\u003cbr /\u003esoul of our souls; yet it never cost me more than a kiss and twenty\u003cbr /\u003ekicks on the backside. How could this beautiful cause produce in you an\u003cbr /\u003eeffect so abominable?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003ePangloss made answer in these terms: \u0026quot;Oh, my dear Candide, you remember\u003cbr /\u003ePaquette, that pretty wench who waited on our noble Baroness; in her\u003cbr /\u003earms I tasted the delights of paradise, which produced in me those hell\u003cbr /\u003etorments with which you see me devoured; she was infected with them, she\u003cbr /\u003eis perhaps dead of them. This present Paquette received of a learned\u003cbr /\u003eGrey Friar, who had traced it to its source; he had had it of an old\u003cbr /\u003ecountess, who had received it from a cavalry captain, who owed it to a\u003cbr /\u003emarchioness, who took it from a page, who had received it from a Jesuit,\u003cbr /\u003ewho when a novice had it in a direct line from one of the companions of\u003cbr /\u003eChristopher Columbus.[3] For my part I shall give it to nobody, I am\u003cbr /\u003edying.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh, Pangloss!\u0026quot; cried Candide, \u0026quot;what a strange genealogy! Is not the\u003cbr /\u003eDevil the original stock of it?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Not at all,\u0026quot; replied this great man, \u0026quot;it was a thing unavoidable, a\u003cbr /\u003enecessary ingredient in the best of worlds; for if Columbus had not in\u003cbr /\u003ean island of America caught this disease, which contaminates the source\u003cbr /\u003eof life, frequently even hinders generation, and which is evidently\u003cbr /\u003eopposed to the great end of nature, we should have neither chocolate nor\u003cbr /\u003ecochineal. We are also to observe that upon our continent, this\u003cbr /\u003edistemper is like religious controversy, confined to a particular spot.\u003cbr /\u003eThe Turks, the Indians, the Persians, the Chinese, the Siamese, the\u003cbr /\u003eJapanese, know nothing of it; but there is a sufficient reason for\u003cbr /\u003ebelieving that they will know it in their turn in a few centuries. In\u003cbr /\u003ethe meantime, it has made marvellous progress among us, especially in\u003cbr /\u003ethose great armies composed of honest well-disciplined hirelings, who\u003cbr /\u003edecide the destiny of states; for we may safely affirm that when an army\u003cbr /\u003eof thirty thousand men fights another of an equal number, there are\u003cbr /\u003eabout twenty thousand of them p-x-d on each side.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well, this is wonderful!\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;but you must get cured.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas! how can I?\u0026quot; said Pangloss, \u0026quot;I have not a farthing, my friend, and\u003cbr /\u003eall over the globe there is no letting of blood or taking a glister,\u003cbr /\u003ewithout paying, or somebody paying for you.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThese last words determined Candide; he went and flung himself at the\u003cbr /\u003efeet of the charitable Anabaptist James, and gave him so touching a\u003cbr /\u003epicture of the state to which his friend was reduced, that the good man\u003cbr /\u003edid not scruple to take Dr. Pangloss into his house, and had him cured\u003cbr /\u003eat his expense. In the cure Pangloss lost only an eye and an ear. He\u003cbr /\u003ewrote well, and knew arithmetic perfectly. The Anabaptist James made him\u003cbr /\u003ehis bookkeeper. At the end of two months, being obliged to go to Lisbon\u003cbr /\u003eabout some mercantile affairs, he took the two philosophers with him in\u003cbr /\u003ehis ship. Pangloss explained to him how everything was so constituted\u003cbr /\u003ethat it could not be better. James was not of this opinion.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is more likely,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;mankind have a little corrupted nature,\u003cbr /\u003efor they were not born wolves, and they have become wolves; God has\u003cbr /\u003egiven them neither cannon of four-and-twenty pounders, nor bayonets; and\u003cbr /\u003eyet they have made cannon and bayonets to destroy one another. Into this\u003cbr /\u003eaccount I might throw not only bankrupts, but Justice which seizes on\u003cbr /\u003ethe effects of bankrupts to cheat the creditors.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;All this was indispensable,\u0026quot; replied the one-eyed doctor, \u0026quot;for private\u003cbr /\u003emisfortunes make the general good, so that the more private misfortunes\u003cbr /\u003ethere are the greater is the general good.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhile he reasoned, the sky darkened, the winds blew from the four\u003cbr /\u003equarters, and the ship was assailed by a most terrible tempest within\u003cbr /\u003esight of the port of Lisbon.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eV\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eTEMPEST, SHIPWRECK, EARTHQUAKE, AND WHAT BECAME OF DOCTOR PANGLOSS,\u003cbr /\u003eCANDIDE, AND JAMES THE ANABAPTIST.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHalf dead of that inconceivable anguish which the rolling of a ship\u003cbr /\u003eproduces, one-half of the passengers were not even sensible of the\u003cbr /\u003edanger. The other half shrieked and prayed. The sheets were rent, the\u003cbr /\u003emasts broken, the vessel gaped. Work who would, no one heard, no one\u003cbr /\u003ecommanded. The Anabaptist being upon deck bore a hand; when a brutish\u003cbr /\u003esailor struck him roughly and laid him sprawling; but with the violence\u003cbr /\u003eof the blow he himself tumbled head foremost overboard, and stuck upon a\u003cbr /\u003epiece of the broken mast. Honest James ran to his assistance, hauled him\u003cbr /\u003eup, and from the effort he made was precipitated into the sea in sight\u003cbr /\u003eof the sailor, who left him to perish, without deigning to look at him.\u003cbr /\u003eCandide drew near and saw his benefactor, who rose above the water one\u003cbr /\u003emoment and was then swallowed up for ever. He was just going to jump\u003cbr /\u003eafter him, but was prevented by the philosopher Pangloss, who\u003cbr /\u003edemonstrated to him that the Bay of Lisbon had been made on purpose for\u003cbr /\u003ethe Anabaptist to be drowned. While he was proving this _\u0026#224; priori_, the\u003cbr /\u003eship foundered; all perished except Pangloss, Candide, and that brutal\u003cbr /\u003esailor who had drowned the good Anabaptist. The villain swam safely to\u003cbr /\u003ethe shore, while Pangloss and Candide were borne thither upon a plank.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAs soon as they recovered themselves a little they walked toward Lisbon.\u003cbr /\u003eThey had some money left, with which they hoped to save themselves from\u003cbr /\u003estarving, after they had escaped drowning. Scarcely had they reached the\u003cbr /\u003ecity, lamenting the death of their benefactor, when they felt the earth\u003cbr /\u003etremble under their feet. The sea swelled and foamed in the harbour, and\u003cbr /\u003ebeat to pieces the vessels riding at anchor. Whirlwinds of fire and\u003cbr /\u003eashes covered the streets and public places; houses fell, roofs were\u003cbr /\u003eflung upon the pavements, and the pavements were scattered. Thirty\u003cbr /\u003ethousand inhabitants of all ages and sexes were crushed under the\u003cbr /\u003eruins.[4] The sailor, whistling and swearing, said there was booty to be\u003cbr /\u003egained here.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What can be the _sufficient reason_ of this phenomenon?\u0026quot; said Pangloss.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;This is the Last Day!\u0026quot; cried Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe sailor ran among the ruins, facing death to find money; finding it,\u003cbr /\u003ehe took it, got drunk, and having slept himself sober, purchased the\u003cbr /\u003efavours of the first good-natured wench whom he met on the ruins of the\u003cbr /\u003edestroyed houses, and in the midst of the dying and the dead. Pangloss\u003cbr /\u003epulled him by the sleeve.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My friend,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;this is not right. You sin against the _universal\u003cbr /\u003ereason_; you choose your time badly.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;S\u0026#39;blood and fury!\u0026quot; answered the other; \u0026quot;I am a sailor and born at\u003cbr /\u003eBatavia. Four times have I trampled upon the crucifix in four voyages to\u003cbr /\u003eJapan[5]; a fig for thy universal reason.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eSome falling stones had wounded Candide. He lay stretched in the street\u003cbr /\u003ecovered with rubbish.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said he to Pangloss, \u0026quot;get me a little wine and oil; I am dying.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;This concussion of the earth is no new thing,\u0026quot; answered Pangloss. \u0026quot;The\u003cbr /\u003ecity of Lima, in America, experienced the same convulsions last year;\u003cbr /\u003ethe same cause, the same effects; there is certainly a train of sulphur\u003cbr /\u003eunder ground from Lima to Lisbon.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Nothing more probable,\u0026quot; said Candide; \u0026quot;but for the love of God a little\u003cbr /\u003eoil and wine.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;How, probable?\u0026quot; replied the philosopher. \u0026quot;I maintain that the point is\u003cbr /\u003ecapable of being demonstrated.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide fainted away, and Pangloss fetched him some water from a\u003cbr /\u003eneighbouring fountain. The following day they rummaged among the ruins\u003cbr /\u003eand found provisions, with which they repaired their exhausted strength.\u003cbr /\u003eAfter this they joined with others in relieving those inhabitants who\u003cbr /\u003ehad escaped death. Some, whom they had succoured, gave them as good a\u003cbr /\u003edinner as they could in such disastrous circumstances; true, the repast\u003cbr /\u003ewas mournful, and the company moistened their bread with tears; but\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss consoled them, assuring them that things could not be\u003cbr /\u003eotherwise.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;For,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;all that is is for the best. If there is a volcano at\u003cbr /\u003eLisbon it cannot be elsewhere. It is impossible that things should be\u003cbr /\u003eother than they are; for everything is right.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eA little man dressed in black, Familiar of the Inquisition, who sat by\u003cbr /\u003ehim, politely took up his word and said:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Apparently, then, sir, you do not believe in original sin; for if all\u003cbr /\u003eis for the best there has then been neither Fall nor punishment.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I humbly ask your Excellency\u0026#39;s pardon,\u0026quot; answered Pangloss, still more\u003cbr /\u003epolitely; \u0026quot;for the Fall and curse of man necessarily entered into the\u003cbr /\u003esystem of the best of worlds.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Sir,\u0026quot; said the Familiar, \u0026quot;you do not then believe in liberty?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Your Excellency will excuse me,\u0026quot; said Pangloss; \u0026quot;liberty is consistent\u003cbr /\u003ewith absolute necessity, for it was necessary we should be free; for, in\u003cbr /\u003eshort, the determinate will—-\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003ePangloss was in the middle of his sentence, when the Familiar beckoned\u003cbr /\u003eto his footman, who gave him a glass of wine from Porto or Opporto.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eVI\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHOW THE PORTUGUESE MADE A BEAUTIFUL AUTO-DA-F\u0026#201;, TO PREVENT ANY FURTHER\u003cbr /\u003eEARTHQUAKES; AND HOW CANDIDE WAS PUBLICLY WHIPPED.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAfter the earthquake had destroyed three-fourths of Lisbon, the sages of\u003cbr /\u003ethat country could think of no means more effectual to prevent utter\u003cbr /\u003eruin than to give the people a beautiful _auto-da-f\u0026#233;_[6]; for it had\u003cbr /\u003ebeen decided by the University of Coimbra, that the burning of a few\u003cbr /\u003epeople alive by a slow fire, and with great ceremony, is an infallible\u003cbr /\u003esecret to hinder the earth from quaking.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIn consequence hereof, they had seized on a Biscayner, convicted of\u003cbr /\u003ehaving married his godmother, and on two Portuguese, for rejecting the\u003cbr /\u003ebacon which larded a chicken they were eating[7]; after dinner, they\u003cbr /\u003ecame and secured Dr. Pangloss, and his disciple Candide, the one for\u003cbr /\u003espeaking his mind, the other for having listened with an air of\u003cbr /\u003eapprobation. They were conducted to separate apartments, extremely cold,\u003cbr /\u003eas they were never incommoded by the sun. Eight days after they were\u003cbr /\u003edressed in _san-benitos_[8] and their heads ornamented with paper\u003cbr /\u003emitres. The mitre and _san-benito_ belonging to Candide were painted\u003cbr /\u003ewith reversed flames and with devils that had neither tails nor claws;\u003cbr /\u003ebut Pangloss\u0026#39;s devils had claws and tails and the flames were upright.\u003cbr /\u003eThey marched in procession thus habited and heard a very pathetic\u003cbr /\u003esermon, followed by fine church music. Candide was whipped in cadence\u003cbr /\u003ewhile they were singing; the Biscayner, and the two men who had refused\u003cbr /\u003eto eat bacon, were burnt; and Pangloss was hanged, though that was not\u003cbr /\u003ethe custom. The same day the earth sustained a most violent concussion.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, terrified, amazed, desperate, all bloody, all palpitating, said\u003cbr /\u003eto himself:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;If this is the best of possible worlds, what then are the others? Well,\u003cbr /\u003eif I had been only whipped I could put up with it, for I experienced\u003cbr /\u003ethat among the Bulgarians; but oh, my dear Pangloss! thou greatest of\u003cbr /\u003ephilosophers, that I should have seen you hanged, without knowing for\u003cbr /\u003ewhat! Oh, my dear Anabaptist, thou best of men, that thou should\u0026#39;st have\u003cbr /\u003ebeen drowned in the very harbour! Oh, Miss Cunegonde, thou pearl of\u003cbr /\u003egirls! that thou should\u0026#39;st have had thy belly ripped open!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThus he was musing, scarce able to stand, preached at, whipped,\u003cbr /\u003eabsolved, and blessed, when an old woman accosted him saying:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My son, take courage and follow me.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eVII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHOW THE OLD WOMAN TOOK CARE OF CANDIDE, AND HOW HE FOUND THE OBJECT HE\u003cbr /\u003eLOVED.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide did not take courage, but followed the old woman to a decayed\u003cbr /\u003ehouse, where she gave him a pot of pomatum to anoint his sores, showed\u003cbr /\u003ehim a very neat little bed, with a suit of clothes hanging up, and left\u003cbr /\u003ehim something to eat and drink.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Eat, drink, sleep,\u0026quot; said she, \u0026quot;and may our lady of Atocha,[9] the great\u003cbr /\u003eSt. Anthony of Padua, and the great St. James of Compostella, receive\u003cbr /\u003eyou under their protection. I shall be back to-morrow.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, amazed at all he had suffered and still more with the charity\u003cbr /\u003eof the old woman, wished to kiss her hand.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is not my hand you must kiss,\u0026quot; said the old woman; \u0026quot;I shall be back\u003cbr /\u003eto-morrow. Anoint yourself with the pomatum, eat and sleep.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, notwithstanding so many disasters, ate and slept. The next\u003cbr /\u003emorning the old woman brought him his breakfast, looked at his back, and\u003cbr /\u003erubbed it herself with another ointment: in like manner she brought him\u003cbr /\u003ehis dinner; and at night she returned with his supper. The day following\u003cbr /\u003eshe went through the very same ceremonies.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Who are you?\u0026quot; said Candide; \u0026quot;who has inspired you with so much\u003cbr /\u003egoodness? What return can I make you?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe good woman made no answer; she returned in the evening, but brought\u003cbr /\u003eno supper.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Come with me,\u0026quot; she said, \u0026quot;and say nothing.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eShe took him by the arm, and walked with him about a quarter of a mile\u003cbr /\u003einto the country; they arrived at a lonely house, surrounded with\u003cbr /\u003egardens and canals. The old woman knocked at a little door, it opened,\u003cbr /\u003eshe led Candide up a private staircase into a small apartment richly\u003cbr /\u003efurnished. She left him on a brocaded sofa, shut the door and went away.\u003cbr /\u003eCandide thought himself in a dream; indeed, that he had been dreaming\u003cbr /\u003eunluckily all his life, and that the present moment was the only\u003cbr /\u003eagreeable part of it all.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe old woman returned very soon, supporting with difficulty a trembling\u003cbr /\u003ewoman of a majestic figure, brilliant with jewels, and covered with a\u003cbr /\u003eveil.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Take off that veil,\u0026quot; said the old woman to Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe young man approaches, he raises the veil with a timid hand. Oh!\u003cbr /\u003ewhat a moment! what surprise! he believes he beholds Miss Cunegonde? he\u003cbr /\u003ereally sees her! it is herself! His strength fails him, he cannot utter\u003cbr /\u003ea word, but drops at her feet. Cunegonde falls upon the sofa. The old\u003cbr /\u003ewoman supplies a smelling bottle; they come to themselves and recover\u003cbr /\u003etheir speech. As they began with broken accents, with questions and\u003cbr /\u003eanswers interchangeably interrupted with sighs, with tears, and cries.\u003cbr /\u003eThe old woman desired they would make less noise and then she left them\u003cbr /\u003eto themselves.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What, is it you?\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;you live? I find you again in\u003cbr /\u003ePortugal? then you have not been ravished? then they did not rip open\u003cbr /\u003eyour belly as Doctor Pangloss informed me?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes, they did,\u0026quot; said the beautiful Cunegonde; \u0026quot;but those two accidents\u003cbr /\u003eare not always mortal.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But were your father and mother killed?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is but too true,\u0026quot; answered Cunegonde, in tears.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And your brother?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My brother also was killed.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And why are you in Portugal? and how did you know of my being here? and\u003cbr /\u003eby what strange adventure did you contrive to bring me to this house?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I will tell you all that,\u0026quot; replied the lady, \u0026quot;but first of all let me\u003cbr /\u003eknow your history, since the innocent kiss you gave me and the kicks\u003cbr /\u003ewhich you received.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide respectfully obeyed her, and though he was still in a surprise,\u003cbr /\u003ethough his voice was feeble and trembling, though his back still pained\u003cbr /\u003ehim, yet he gave her a most ingenuous account of everything that had\u003cbr /\u003ebefallen him since the moment of their separation. Cunegonde lifted up\u003cbr /\u003eher eyes to heaven; shed tears upon hearing of the death of the good\u003cbr /\u003eAnabaptist and of Pangloss; after which she spoke as follows to Candide,\u003cbr /\u003ewho did not lose a word and devoured her with his eyes.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eVIII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eTHE HISTORY OF CUNEGONDE.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I was in bed and fast asleep when it pleased God to send the Bulgarians\u003cbr /\u003eto our delightful castle of Thunder-ten-Tronckh; they slew my father and\u003cbr /\u003ebrother, and cut my mother in pieces. A tall Bulgarian, six feet high,\u003cbr /\u003eperceiving that I had fainted away at this sight, began to ravish me;\u003cbr /\u003ethis made me recover; I regained my senses, I cried, I struggled, I bit,\u003cbr /\u003eI scratched, I wanted to tear out the tall Bulgarian\u0026#39;s eyes–not knowing\u003cbr /\u003ethat what happened at my father\u0026#39;s house was the usual practice of war.\u003cbr /\u003eThe brute gave me a cut in the left side with his hanger, and the mark\u003cbr /\u003eis still upon me.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah! I hope I shall see it,\u0026quot; said honest Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You shall,\u0026quot; said Cunegonde, \u0026quot;but let us continue.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Do so,\u0026quot; replied Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThus she resumed the thread of her story:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;A Bulgarian captain came in, saw me all bleeding, and the soldier not\u003cbr /\u003ein the least disconcerted. The captain flew into a passion at the\u003cbr /\u003edisrespectful behaviour of the brute, and slew him on my body. He\u003cbr /\u003eordered my wounds to be dressed, and took me to his quarters as a\u003cbr /\u003eprisoner of war. I washed the few shirts that he had, I did his cooking;\u003cbr /\u003ehe thought me very pretty–he avowed it; on the other hand, I must own\u003cbr /\u003ehe had a good shape, and a soft and white skin; but he had little or no\u003cbr /\u003emind or philosophy, and you might see plainly that he had never been\u003cbr /\u003einstructed by Doctor Pangloss. In three months time, having lost all his\u003cbr /\u003emoney, and being grown tired of my company, he sold me to a Jew, named\u003cbr /\u003eDon Issachar, who traded to Holland and Portugal, and had a strong\u003cbr /\u003epassion for women. This Jew was much attached to my person, but could\u003cbr /\u003enot triumph over it; I resisted him better than the Bulgarian soldier. A\u003cbr /\u003emodest woman may be ravished once, but her virtue is strengthened by it.\u003cbr /\u003eIn order to render me more tractable, he brought me to this country\u003cbr /\u003ehouse. Hitherto I had imagined that nothing could equal the beauty of\u003cbr /\u003eThunder-ten-Tronckh Castle; but I found I was mistaken.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;The Grand Inquisitor, seeing me one day at Mass, stared long at me, and\u003cbr /\u003esent to tell me that he wished to speak on private matters. I was\u003cbr /\u003econducted to his palace, where I acquainted him with the history of my\u003cbr /\u003efamily, and he represented to me how much it was beneath my rank to\u003cbr /\u003ebelong to an Israelite. A proposal was then made to Don Issachar that he\u003cbr /\u003eshould resign me to my lord. Don Issachar, being the court banker, and a\u003cbr /\u003eman of credit, would hear nothing of it. The Inquisitor threatened him\u003cbr /\u003ewith an _auto-da-f\u0026#233;_. At last my Jew, intimidated, concluded a bargain,\u003cbr /\u003eby which the house and myself should belong to both in common; the Jew\u003cbr /\u003eshould have for himself Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday, and the\u003cbr /\u003eInquisitor should have the rest of the week. It is now six months since\u003cbr /\u003ethis agreement was made. Quarrels have not been wanting, for they could\u003cbr /\u003enot decide whether the night from Saturday to Sunday belonged to the old\u003cbr /\u003elaw or to the new. For my part, I have so far held out against both, and\u003cbr /\u003eI verily believe that this is the reason why I am still beloved.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;At length, to avert the scourge of earthquakes, and to intimidate Don\u003cbr /\u003eIssachar, my Lord Inquisitor was pleased to celebrate an _auto-da-f\u0026#233;_.\u003cbr /\u003eHe did me the honour to invite me to the ceremony. I had a very good\u003cbr /\u003eseat, and the ladies were served with refreshments between Mass and the\u003cbr /\u003eexecution. I was in truth seized with horror at the burning of those two\u003cbr /\u003eJews, and of the honest Biscayner who had married his godmother; but\u003cbr /\u003ewhat was my surprise, my fright, my trouble, when I saw in a\u003cbr /\u003e_san-benito_ and mitre a figure which resembled that of Pangloss! I\u003cbr /\u003erubbed my eyes, I looked at him attentively, I saw him hung; I fainted.\u003cbr /\u003eScarcely had I recovered my senses than I saw you stripped, stark naked,\u003cbr /\u003eand this was the height of my horror, consternation, grief, and despair.\u003cbr /\u003eI tell you, truthfully, that your skin is yet whiter and of a more\u003cbr /\u003eperfect colour than that of my Bulgarian captain. This spectacle\u003cbr /\u003eredoubled all the feelings which overwhelmed and devoured me. I screamed\u003cbr /\u003eout, and would have said, \u0026#39;Stop, barbarians!\u0026#39; but my voice failed me,\u003cbr /\u003eand my cries would have been useless after you had been severely\u003cbr /\u003ewhipped. How is it possible, said I, that the beloved Candide and the\u003cbr /\u003ewise Pangloss should both be at Lisbon, the one to receive a hundred\u003cbr /\u003elashes, and the other to be hanged by the Grand Inquisitor, of whom I am\u003cbr /\u003ethe well-beloved? Pangloss most cruelly deceived me when he said that\u003cbr /\u003eeverything in the world is for the best.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Agitated, lost, sometimes beside myself, and sometimes ready to die of\u003cbr /\u003eweakness, my mind was filled with the massacre of my father, mother, and\u003cbr /\u003ebrother, with the insolence of the ugly Bulgarian soldier, with the stab\u003cbr /\u003ethat he gave me, with my servitude under the Bulgarian captain, with my\u003cbr /\u003ehideous Don Issachar, with my abominable Inquisitor, with the execution\u003cbr /\u003eof Doctor Pangloss, with the grand Miserere to which they whipped you,\u003cbr /\u003eand especially with the kiss I gave you behind the screen the day that I\u003cbr /\u003ehad last seen you. I praised God for bringing you back to me after so\u003cbr /\u003emany trials, and I charged my old woman to take care of you, and to\u003cbr /\u003econduct you hither as soon as possible. She has executed her commission\u003cbr /\u003eperfectly well; I have tasted the inexpressible pleasure of seeing you\u003cbr /\u003eagain, of hearing you, of speaking with you. But you must be hungry, for\u003cbr /\u003emyself, I am famished; let us have supper.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThey both sat down to table, and, when supper was over, they placed\u003cbr /\u003ethemselves once more on the sofa; where they were when Signor Don\u003cbr /\u003eIssachar arrived. It was the Jewish Sabbath, and Issachar had come to\u003cbr /\u003eenjoy his rights, and to explain his tender love.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIX\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWHAT BECAME OF CUNEGONDE, CANDIDE, THE GRAND INQUISITOR, AND THE JEW.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThis Issachar was the most choleric Hebrew that had ever been seen in\u003cbr /\u003eIsrael since the Captivity in Babylon.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What!\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;thou bitch of a Galilean, was not the Inquisitor\u003cbr /\u003eenough for thee? Must this rascal also share with me?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIn saying this he drew a long poniard which he always carried about him;\u003cbr /\u003eand not imagining that his adversary had any arms he threw himself upon\u003cbr /\u003eCandide: but our honest Westphalian had received a handsome sword from\u003cbr /\u003ethe old woman along with the suit of clothes. He drew his rapier,\u003cbr /\u003edespite his gentleness, and laid the Israelite stone dead upon the\u003cbr /\u003ecushions at Cunegonde\u0026#39;s feet.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Holy Virgin!\u0026quot; cried she, \u0026quot;what will become of us? A man killed in my\u003cbr /\u003eapartment! If the officers of justice come, we are lost!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Had not Pangloss been hanged,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;he would give us good\u003cbr /\u003ecounsel in this emergency, for he was a profound philosopher. Failing\u003cbr /\u003ehim let us consult the old woman.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eShe was very prudent and commenced to give her opinion when suddenly\u003cbr /\u003eanother little door opened. It was an hour after midnight, it was the\u003cbr /\u003ebeginning of Sunday. This day belonged to my lord the Inquisitor. He\u003cbr /\u003eentered, and saw the whipped Candide, sword in hand, a dead man upon the\u003cbr /\u003efloor, Cunegonde aghast, and the old woman giving counsel.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt this moment, the following is what passed in the soul of Candide, and\u003cbr /\u003ehow he reasoned:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIf this holy man call in assistance, he will surely have me burnt; and\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde will perhaps be served in the same manner; he was the cause of\u003cbr /\u003emy being cruelly whipped; he is my rival; and, as I have now begun to\u003cbr /\u003ekill, I will kill away, for there is no time to hesitate. This reasoning\u003cbr /\u003ewas clear and instantaneous; so that without giving time to the\u003cbr /\u003eInquisitor to recover from his surprise, he pierced him through and\u003cbr /\u003ethrough, and cast him beside the Jew.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yet again!\u0026quot; said Cunegonde, \u0026quot;now there is no mercy for us, we are\u003cbr /\u003eexcommunicated, our last hour has come. How could you do it? you,\u003cbr /\u003enaturally so gentle, to slay a Jew and a prelate in two minutes!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My beautiful young lady,\u0026quot; responded Candide, \u0026quot;when one is a lover,\u003cbr /\u003ejealous and whipped by the Inquisition, one stops at nothing.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe old woman then put in her word, saying:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There are three Andalusian horses in the stable with bridles and\u003cbr /\u003esaddles, let the brave Candide get them ready; madame has money, jewels;\u003cbr /\u003elet us therefore mount quickly on horseback, though I can sit only on\u003cbr /\u003eone buttock; let us set out for Cadiz, it is the finest weather in the\u003cbr /\u003eworld, and there is great pleasure in travelling in the cool of the\u003cbr /\u003enight.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eImmediately Candide saddled the three horses, and Cunegonde, the old\u003cbr /\u003ewoman and he, travelled thirty miles at a stretch. While they were\u003cbr /\u003ejourneying, the Holy Brotherhood entered the house; my lord the\u003cbr /\u003eInquisitor was interred in a handsome church, and Issachar\u0026#39;s body was\u003cbr /\u003ethrown upon a dunghill.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, Cunegonde, and the old woman, had now reached the little town\u003cbr /\u003eof Avacena in the midst of the mountains of the Sierra Morena, and were\u003cbr /\u003espeaking as follows in a public inn.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eX\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIN WHAT DISTRESS CANDIDE, CUNEGONDE, AND THE OLD WOMAN ARRIVED AT CADIZ;\u003cbr /\u003eAND OF THEIR EMBARKATION.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Who was it that robbed me of my money and jewels?\u0026quot; said Cunegonde, all\u003cbr /\u003ebathed in tears. \u0026quot;How shall we live? What shall we do? Where find\u003cbr /\u003eInquisitors or Jews who will give me more?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said the old woman, \u0026quot;I have a shrewd suspicion of a reverend\u003cbr /\u003eGrey Friar, who stayed last night in the same inn with us at Badajos.\u003cbr /\u003eGod preserve me from judging rashly, but he came into our room twice,\u003cbr /\u003eand he set out upon his journey long before us.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;dear Pangloss has often demonstrated to me that\u003cbr /\u003ethe goods of this world are common to all men, and that each has an\u003cbr /\u003eequal right to them. But according to these principles the Grey Friar\u003cbr /\u003eought to have left us enough to carry us through our journey. Have you\u003cbr /\u003enothing at all left, my dear Cunegonde?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Not a farthing,\u0026quot; said she.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What then must we do?\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Sell one of the horses,\u0026quot; replied the old woman. \u0026quot;I will ride behind\u003cbr /\u003eMiss Cunegonde, though I can hold myself only on one buttock, and we\u003cbr /\u003eshall reach Cadiz.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIn the same inn there was a Benedictine prior who bought the horse for a\u003cbr /\u003echeap price. Candide, Cunegonde, and the old woman, having passed\u003cbr /\u003ethrough Lucena, Chillas, and Lebrixa, arrived at length at Cadiz. A\u003cbr /\u003efleet was there getting ready, and troops assembling to bring to reason\u003cbr /\u003ethe reverend Jesuit Fathers of Paraguay, accused of having made one of\u003cbr /\u003ethe native tribes in the neighborhood of San Sacrament revolt against\u003cbr /\u003ethe Kings of Spain and Portugal. Candide having been in the Bulgarian\u003cbr /\u003eservice, performed the military exercise before the general of this\u003cbr /\u003elittle army with so graceful an address, with so intrepid an air, and\u003cbr /\u003ewith such agility and expedition, that he was given the command of a\u003cbr /\u003ecompany of foot. Now, he was a captain! He set sail with Miss Cunegonde,\u003cbr /\u003ethe old woman, two valets, and the two Andalusian horses, which had\u003cbr /\u003ebelonged to the grand Inquisitor of Portugal.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eDuring their voyage they reasoned a good deal on the philosophy of poor\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We are going into another world,\u0026quot; said Candide; \u0026quot;and surely it must be\u003cbr /\u003ethere that all is for the best. For I must confess there is reason to\u003cbr /\u003ecomplain a little of what passeth in our world in regard to both\u003cbr /\u003enatural and moral philosophy.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I love you with all my heart,\u0026quot; said Cunegonde; \u0026quot;but my soul is still\u003cbr /\u003efull of fright at that which I have seen and experienced.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;All will be well,\u0026quot; replied Candide; \u0026quot;the sea of this new world is\u003cbr /\u003ealready better than our European sea; it is calmer, the winds more\u003cbr /\u003eregular. It is certainly the New World which is the best of all possible\u003cbr /\u003eworlds.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;God grant it,\u0026quot; said Cunegonde; \u0026quot;but I have been so horribly unhappy\u003cbr /\u003ethere that my heart is almost closed to hope.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You complain,\u0026quot; said the old woman; \u0026quot;alas! you have not known such\u003cbr /\u003emisfortunes as mine.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCunegonde almost broke out laughing, finding the good woman very\u003cbr /\u003eamusing, for pretending to have been as unfortunate as she.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said Cunegonde, \u0026quot;my good mother, unless you have been ravished\u003cbr /\u003eby two Bulgarians, have received two deep wounds in your belly, have had\u003cbr /\u003etwo castles demolished, have had two mothers cut to pieces before your\u003cbr /\u003eeyes, and two of your lovers whipped at an _auto-da-f\u0026#233;_, I do not\u003cbr /\u003econceive how you could be more unfortunate than I. Add that I was born a\u003cbr /\u003ebaroness of seventy-two quarterings–and have been a cook!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Miss,\u0026quot; replied the old woman, \u0026quot;you do not know my birth; and were I to\u003cbr /\u003eshow you my backside, you would not talk in that manner, but would\u003cbr /\u003esuspend your judgment.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThis speech having raised extreme curiosity in the minds of Cunegonde\u003cbr /\u003eand Candide, the old woman spoke to them as follows.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXI\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHISTORY OF THE OLD WOMAN.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I had not always bleared eyes and red eyelids; neither did my nose\u003cbr /\u003ealways touch my chin; nor was I always a servant. I am the daughter of\u003cbr /\u003ePope Urban X,[10] and of the Princess of Palestrina. Until the age of\u003cbr /\u003efourteen I was brought up in a palace, to which all the castles of your\u003cbr /\u003eGerman barons would scarcely have served for stables; and one of my\u003cbr /\u003erobes was worth more than all the magnificence of Westphalia. As I grew\u003cbr /\u003eup I improved in beauty, wit, and every graceful accomplishment, in the\u003cbr /\u003emidst of pleasures, hopes, and respectful homage. Already I inspired\u003cbr /\u003elove. My throat was formed, and such a throat! white, firm, and shaped\u003cbr /\u003elike that of the Venus of Medici; and what eyes! what eyelids! what\u003cbr /\u003eblack eyebrows! such flames darted from my dark pupils that they\u003cbr /\u003eeclipsed the scintillation of the stars–as I was told by the poets in\u003cbr /\u003eour part of the world. My waiting women, when dressing and undressing\u003cbr /\u003eme, used to fall into an ecstasy, whether they viewed me before or\u003cbr /\u003ebehind; how glad would the gentlemen have been to perform that office\u003cbr /\u003efor them!\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I was affianced to the most excellent Prince of Massa Carara. Such a\u003cbr /\u003eprince! as handsome as myself, sweet-tempered, agreeable, brilliantly\u003cbr /\u003ewitty, and sparkling with love. I loved him as one loves for the first\u003cbr /\u003etime–with idolatry, with transport. The nuptials were prepared. There\u003cbr /\u003ewas surprising pomp and magnificence; there were _f\u0026#234;tes_, carousals,\u003cbr /\u003econtinual _opera bouffe_; and all Italy composed sonnets in my praise,\u003cbr /\u003ethough not one of them was passable. I was just upon the point of\u003cbr /\u003ereaching the summit of bliss, when an old marchioness who had been\u003cbr /\u003emistress to the Prince, my husband, invited him to drink chocolate with\u003cbr /\u003eher. He died in less than two hours of most terrible convulsions. But\u003cbr /\u003ethis is only a bagatelle. My mother, in despair, and scarcely less\u003cbr /\u003eafflicted than myself, determined to absent herself for some time from\u003cbr /\u003eso fatal a place. She had a very fine estate in the neighbourhood of\u003cbr /\u003eGaeta. We embarked on board a galley of the country which was gilded\u003cbr /\u003elike the great altar of St. Peter\u0026#39;s at Rome. A Sallee corsair swooped\u003cbr /\u003edown and boarded us. Our men defended themselves like the Pope\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003esoldiers; they flung themselves upon their knees, and threw down their\u003cbr /\u003earms, begging of the corsair an absolution _in articulo mortis_.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Instantly they were stripped as bare as monkeys; my mother, our maids\u003cbr /\u003eof honour, and myself were all served in the same manner. It is amazing\u003cbr /\u003ewith what expedition those gentry undress people. But what surprised me\u003cbr /\u003emost was, that they thrust their fingers into the part of our bodies\u003cbr /\u003ewhich the generality of women suffer no other instrument but–pipes to\u003cbr /\u003eenter. It appeared to me a very strange kind of ceremony; but thus one\u003cbr /\u003ejudges of things when one has not seen the world. I afterwards learnt\u003cbr /\u003ethat it was to try whether we had concealed any diamonds. This is the\u003cbr /\u003epractice established from time immemorial, among civilised nations that\u003cbr /\u003escour the seas. I was informed that the very religious Knights of Malta\u003cbr /\u003enever fail to make this search when they take any Turkish prisoners of\u003cbr /\u003eeither sex. It is a law of nations from which they never deviate.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I need not tell _you_ how great a hardship it was for a young princess\u003cbr /\u003eand her mother to be made slaves and carried to Morocco. You may easily\u003cbr /\u003eimagine all we had to suffer on board the pirate vessel. My mother was\u003cbr /\u003estill very handsome; our maids of honour, and even our waiting women,\u003cbr /\u003ehad more charms than are to be found in all Africa. As for myself, I was\u003cbr /\u003eravishing, was exquisite, grace itself, and I was a virgin! I did not\u003cbr /\u003eremain so long; this flower, which had been reserved for the handsome\u003cbr /\u003ePrince of Massa Carara, was plucked by the corsair captain. He was an\u003cbr /\u003eabominable negro, and yet believed that he did me a great deal of\u003cbr /\u003ehonour. Certainly the Princess of Palestrina and myself must have been\u003cbr /\u003every strong to go through all that we experienced until our arrival at\u003cbr /\u003eMorocco. But let us pass on; these are such common things as not to be\u003cbr /\u003eworth mentioning.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Morocco swam in blood when we arrived. Fifty sons of the Emperor\u003cbr /\u003eMuley-Ismael[11] had each their adherents; this produced fifty civil\u003cbr /\u003ewars, of blacks against blacks, and blacks against tawnies, and tawnies\u003cbr /\u003eagainst tawnies, and mulattoes against mulattoes. In short it was a\u003cbr /\u003econtinual carnage throughout the empire.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;No sooner were we landed, than the blacks of a contrary faction to that\u003cbr /\u003eof my captain attempted to rob him of his booty. Next to jewels and gold\u003cbr /\u003ewe were the most valuable things he had. I was witness to such a battle\u003cbr /\u003eas you have never seen in your European climates. The northern nations\u003cbr /\u003ehave not that heat in their blood, nor that raging lust for women, so\u003cbr /\u003ecommon in Africa. It seems that you Europeans have only milk in your\u003cbr /\u003eveins; but it is vitriol, it is fire which runs in those of the\u003cbr /\u003einhabitants of Mount Atlas and the neighbouring countries. They fought\u003cbr /\u003ewith the fury of the lions, tigers, and serpents of the country, to see\u003cbr /\u003ewho should have us. A Moor seized my mother by the right arm, while my\u003cbr /\u003ecaptain\u0026#39;s lieutenant held her by the left; a Moorish soldier had hold of\u003cbr /\u003eher by one leg, and one of our corsairs held her by the other. Thus\u003cbr /\u003ealmost all our women were drawn in quarters by four men. My captain\u003cbr /\u003econcealed me behind him; and with his drawn scimitar cut and slashed\u003cbr /\u003eevery one that opposed his fury. At length I saw all our Italian women,\u003cbr /\u003eand my mother herself, torn, mangled, massacred, by the monsters who\u003cbr /\u003edisputed over them. The slaves, my companions, those who had taken them,\u003cbr /\u003esoldiers, sailors, blacks, whites, mulattoes, and at last my captain,\u003cbr /\u003eall were killed, and I remained dying on a heap of dead. Such scenes as\u003cbr /\u003ethis were transacted through an extent of three hundred leagues–and yet\u003cbr /\u003ethey never missed the five prayers a day ordained by Mahomet.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;With difficulty I disengaged myself from such a heap of slaughtered\u003cbr /\u003ebodies, and crawled to a large orange tree on the bank of a neighbouring\u003cbr /\u003erivulet, where I fell, oppressed with fright, fatigue, horror, despair,\u003cbr /\u003eand hunger. Immediately after, my senses, overpowered, gave themselves\u003cbr /\u003eup to sleep, which was yet more swooning than repose. I was in this\u003cbr /\u003estate of weakness and insensibility, between life and death, when I\u003cbr /\u003efelt myself pressed by something that moved upon my body. I opened my\u003cbr /\u003eeyes, and saw a white man, of good countenance, who sighed, and who said\u003cbr /\u003ebetween his teeth: \u0026#39;_O che sciagura d\u0026#39;essere senza coglioni!_\u0026#39;\u0026quot;[12]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eTHE ADVENTURES OF THE OLD WOMAN CONTINUED.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Astonished and delighted to hear my native language, and no less\u003cbr /\u003esurprised at what this man said, I made answer that there were much\u003cbr /\u003egreater misfortunes than that of which he complained. I told him in a\u003cbr /\u003efew words of the horrors which I had endured, and fainted a second time.\u003cbr /\u003eHe carried me to a neighbouring house, put me to bed, gave me food,\u003cbr /\u003ewaited upon me, consoled me, flattered me; he told me that he had never\u003cbr /\u003eseen any one so beautiful as I, and that he never so much regretted the\u003cbr /\u003eloss of what it was impossible to recover.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;\u0026#39;I was born at Naples,\u0026#39; said he, \u0026#39;there they geld two or three thousand\u003cbr /\u003echildren every year; some die of the operation, others acquire a voice\u003cbr /\u003emore beautiful than that of women, and others are raised to offices of\u003cbr /\u003estate.[13] This operation was performed on me with great success and I\u003cbr /\u003ewas chapel musician to madam, the Princess of Palestrina.\u0026#39;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;\u0026#39;To my mother!\u0026#39; cried I.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;\u0026#39;Your mother!\u0026#39; cried he, weeping. \u0026#39;What! can you be that young\u003cbr /\u003eprincess whom I brought up until the age of six years, and who promised\u003cbr /\u003eso early to be as beautiful as you?\u0026#39;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;\u0026#39;It is I, indeed; but my mother lies four hundred yards hence, torn in\u003cbr /\u003equarters, under a heap of dead bodies.\u0026#39;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I told him all my adventures, and he made me acquainted with his;\u003cbr /\u003etelling me that he had been sent to the Emperor of Morocco by a\u003cbr /\u003eChristian power, to conclude a treaty with that prince, in consequence\u003cbr /\u003eof which he was to be furnished with military stores and ships to help\u003cbr /\u003eto demolish the commerce of other Christian Governments.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;\u0026#39;My mission is done,\u0026#39; said this honest eunuch; \u0026#39;I go to embark for\u003cbr /\u003eCeuta, and will take you to Italy. _Ma che sciagura d\u0026#39;essere senza\u003cbr /\u003ecoglioni!_\u0026#39;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I thanked him with tears of commiseration; and instead of taking me to\u003cbr /\u003eItaly he conducted me to Algiers, where he sold me to the Dey. Scarcely\u003cbr /\u003ewas I sold, than the plague which had made the tour of Africa, Asia, and\u003cbr /\u003eEurope, broke out with great malignancy in Algiers. You have seen\u003cbr /\u003eearthquakes; but pray, miss, have you ever had the plague?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Never,\u0026quot; answered Cunegonde.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;If you had,\u0026quot; said the old woman, \u0026quot;you would acknowledge that it is far\u003cbr /\u003emore terrible than an earthquake. It is common in Africa, and I caught\u003cbr /\u003eit. Imagine to yourself the distressed situation of the daughter of a\u003cbr /\u003ePope, only fifteen years old, who, in less than three months, had felt\u003cbr /\u003ethe miseries of poverty and slavery, had been ravished almost every day,\u003cbr /\u003ehad beheld her mother drawn in quarters, had experienced famine and war,\u003cbr /\u003eand was dying of the plague in Algiers. I did not die, however, but my\u003cbr /\u003eeunuch, and the Dey, and almost the whole seraglio of Algiers perished.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;As soon as the first fury of this terrible pestilence was over, a sale\u003cbr /\u003ewas made of the Dey\u0026#39;s slaves; I was purchased by a merchant, and carried\u003cbr /\u003eto Tunis; this man sold me to another merchant, who sold me again to\u003cbr /\u003eanother at Tripoli; from Tripoli I was sold to Alexandria, from\u003cbr /\u003eAlexandria to Smyrna, and from Smyrna to Constantinople. At length I\u003cbr /\u003ebecame the property of an Aga of the Janissaries, who was soon ordered\u003cbr /\u003eaway to the defence of Azof, then besieged by the Russians.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;The Aga, who was a very gallant man, took his whole seraglio with him,\u003cbr /\u003eand lodged us in a small fort on the Palus M\u0026#233;otides, guarded by two\u003cbr /\u003eblack eunuchs and twenty soldiers. The Turks killed prodigious numbers\u003cbr /\u003eof the Russians, but the latter had their revenge. Azof was destroyed by\u003cbr /\u003efire, the inhabitants put to the sword, neither sex nor age was spared;\u003cbr /\u003euntil there remained only our little fort, and the enemy wanted to\u003cbr /\u003estarve us out. The twenty Janissaries had sworn they would never\u003cbr /\u003esurrender. The extremities of famine to which they were reduced, obliged\u003cbr /\u003ethem to eat our two eunuchs, for fear of violating their oath. And at\u003cbr /\u003ethe end of a few days they resolved also to devour the women.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We had a very pious and humane Iman, who preached an excellent sermon,\u003cbr /\u003eexhorting them not to kill us all at once.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;\u0026#39;Only cut off a buttock of each of those ladies,\u0026#39; said he, \u0026#39;and you\u0026#39;ll\u003cbr /\u003efare extremely well; if you must go to it again, there will be the same\u003cbr /\u003eentertainment a few days hence; heaven will accept of so charitable an\u003cbr /\u003eaction, and send you relief.\u0026#39;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;He had great eloquence; he persuaded them; we underwent this terrible\u003cbr /\u003eoperation. The Iman applied the same balsam to us, as he does to\u003cbr /\u003echildren after circumcision; and we all nearly died.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Scarcely had the Janissaries finished the repast with which we had\u003cbr /\u003efurnished them, than the Russians came in flat-bottomed boats; not a\u003cbr /\u003eJanissary escaped. The Russians paid no attention to the condition we\u003cbr /\u003ewere in. There are French surgeons in all parts of the world; one of\u003cbr /\u003ethem who was very clever took us under his care–he cured us; and as\u003cbr /\u003elong as I live I shall remember that as soon as my wounds were healed he\u003cbr /\u003emade proposals to me. He bid us all be of good cheer, telling us that\u003cbr /\u003ethe like had happened in many sieges, and that it was according to the\u003cbr /\u003elaws of war.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;As soon as my companions could walk, they were obliged to set out for\u003cbr /\u003eMoscow. I fell to the share of a Boyard who made me his gardener, and\u003cbr /\u003egave me twenty lashes a day. But this nobleman having in two years\u0026#39; time\u003cbr /\u003ebeen broke upon the wheel along with thirty more Boyards for some broils\u003cbr /\u003eat court, I profited by that event; I fled. I traversed all Russia; I\u003cbr /\u003ewas a long time an inn-holder\u0026#39;s servant at Riga, the same at Rostock, at\u003cbr /\u003eVismar, at Leipzig, at Cassel, at Utrecht, at Leyden, at the Hague, at\u003cbr /\u003eRotterdam. I waxed old in misery and disgrace, having only one-half of\u003cbr /\u003emy posteriors, and always remembering I was a Pope\u0026#39;s daughter. A hundred\u003cbr /\u003etimes I was upon the point of killing myself; but still I loved life.\u003cbr /\u003eThis ridiculous foible is perhaps one of our most fatal characteristics;\u003cbr /\u003efor is there anything more absurd than to wish to carry continually a\u003cbr /\u003eburden which one can always throw down? to detest existence and yet to\u003cbr /\u003ecling to one\u0026#39;s existence? in brief, to caress the serpent which devours\u003cbr /\u003eus, till he has eaten our very heart?\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;In the different countries which it has been my lot to traverse, and\u003cbr /\u003ethe numerous inns where I have been servant, I have taken notice of a\u003cbr /\u003evast number of people who held their own existence in abhorrence, and\u003cbr /\u003eyet I never knew of more than eight who voluntarily put an end to their\u003cbr /\u003emisery; three negroes, four Englishmen, and a German professor named\u003cbr /\u003eRobek.[14] I ended by being servant to the Jew, Don Issachar, who placed\u003cbr /\u003eme near your presence, my fair lady. I am determined to share your fate,\u003cbr /\u003eand have been much more affected with your misfortunes than with my own.\u003cbr /\u003eI would never even have spoken to you of my misfortunes, had you not\u003cbr /\u003epiqued me a little, and if it were not customary to tell stories on\u003cbr /\u003eboard a ship in order to pass away the time. In short, Miss Cunegonde, I\u003cbr /\u003ehave had experience, I know the world; therefore I advise you to divert\u003cbr /\u003eyourself, and prevail upon each passenger to tell his story; and if\u003cbr /\u003ethere be one of them all, that has not cursed his life many a time, that\u003cbr /\u003ehas not frequently looked upon himself as the unhappiest of mortals, I\u003cbr /\u003egive you leave to throw me headforemost into the sea.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXIII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHOW CANDIDE WAS FORCED AWAY FROM HIS FAIR CUNEGONDE AND THE OLD WOMAN.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe beautiful Cunegonde having heard the old woman\u0026#39;s history, paid her\u003cbr /\u003eall the civilities due to a person of her rank and merit. She likewise\u003cbr /\u003eaccepted her proposal, and engaged all the passengers, one after the\u003cbr /\u003eother, to relate their adventures; and then both she and Candide allowed\u003cbr /\u003ethat the old woman was in the right.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is a great pity,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;that the sage Pangloss was hanged\u003cbr /\u003econtrary to custom at an _auto-da-f\u0026#233;_; he would tell us most amazing\u003cbr /\u003ethings in regard to the physical and moral evils that overspread earth\u003cbr /\u003eand sea, and I should be able, with due respect, to make a few\u003cbr /\u003eobjections.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhile each passenger was recounting his story, the ship made her way.\u003cbr /\u003eThey landed at Buenos Ayres. Cunegonde, Captain Candide, and the old\u003cbr /\u003ewoman, waited on the Governor, Don Fernando d\u0026#39;Ibaraa, y Figueora, y\u003cbr /\u003eMascarenes, y Lampourdos, y Souza. This nobleman had a stateliness\u003cbr /\u003ebecoming a person who bore so many names. He spoke to men with so noble\u003cbr /\u003ea disdain, carried his nose so loftily, raised his voice so\u003cbr /\u003eunmercifully, assumed so imperious an air, and stalked with such\u003cbr /\u003eintolerable pride, that those who saluted him were strongly inclined to\u003cbr /\u003egive him a good drubbing. Cunegonde appeared to him the most beautiful\u003cbr /\u003ehe had ever met. The first thing he did was to ask whether she was not\u003cbr /\u003ethe captain\u0026#39;s wife. The manner in which he asked the question alarmed\u003cbr /\u003eCandide; he durst not say she was his wife, because indeed she was not;\u003cbr /\u003eneither durst he say she was his sister, because it was not so; and\u003cbr /\u003ealthough this obliging lie had been formerly much in favour among the\u003cbr /\u003eancients, and although it could be useful to the moderns, his soul was\u003cbr /\u003etoo pure to betray the truth.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Miss Cunegonde,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;is to do me the honour to marry me, and we\u003cbr /\u003ebeseech your excellency to deign to sanction our marriage.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eDon Fernando d\u0026#39;Ibaraa, y Figueora, y Mascarenes, y Lampourdos, y Souza,\u003cbr /\u003eturning up his moustachios, smiled mockingly, and ordered Captain\u003cbr /\u003eCandide to go and review his company. Candide obeyed, and the Governor\u003cbr /\u003eremained alone with Miss Cunegonde. He declared his passion, protesting\u003cbr /\u003ehe would marry her the next day in the face of the church, or otherwise,\u003cbr /\u003ejust as should be agreeable to herself. Cunegonde asked a quarter of an\u003cbr /\u003ehour to consider of it, to consult the old woman, and to take her\u003cbr /\u003eresolution.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe old woman spoke thus to Cunegonde:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Miss, you have seventy-two quarterings, and not a farthing; it is now\u003cbr /\u003ein your power to be wife to the greatest lord in South America, who has\u003cbr /\u003every beautiful moustachios. Is it for you to pique yourself upon\u003cbr /\u003einviolable fidelity? You have been ravished by Bulgarians; a Jew and an\u003cbr /\u003eInquisitor have enjoyed your favours. Misfortune gives sufficient\u003cbr /\u003eexcuse. I own, that if I were in your place, I should have no scruple in\u003cbr /\u003emarrying the Governor and in making the fortune of Captain Candide.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhile the old woman spoke with all the prudence which age and experience\u003cbr /\u003egave, a small ship entered the port on board of which were an Alcalde\u003cbr /\u003eand his alguazils, and this was what had happened.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAs the old woman had shrewdly guessed, it was a Grey Friar who stole\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde\u0026#39;s money and jewels in the town of Badajos, when she and\u003cbr /\u003eCandide were escaping. The Friar wanted to sell some of the diamonds to\u003cbr /\u003ea jeweller; the jeweller knew them to be the Grand Inquisitor\u0026#39;s. The\u003cbr /\u003eFriar before he was hanged confessed he had stolen them. He described\u003cbr /\u003ethe persons, and the route they had taken. The flight of Cunegonde and\u003cbr /\u003eCandide was already known. They were traced to Cadiz. A vessel was\u003cbr /\u003eimmediately sent in pursuit of them. The vessel was already in the port\u003cbr /\u003eof Buenos Ayres. The report spread that the Alcalde was going to land,\u003cbr /\u003eand that he was in pursuit of the murderers of my lord the Grand\u003cbr /\u003eInquisitor. The prudent old woman saw at once what was to be done.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You cannot run away,\u0026quot; said she to Cunegonde, \u0026quot;and you have nothing to\u003cbr /\u003efear, for it was not you that killed my lord; besides the Governor who\u003cbr /\u003eloves you will not suffer you to be ill-treated; therefore stay.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eShe then ran immediately to Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Fly,\u0026quot; said she, \u0026quot;or in an hour you will be burnt.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThere was not a moment to lose; but how could he part from Cunegonde,\u003cbr /\u003eand where could he flee for shelter?\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXIV\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHOW CANDIDE AND CACAMBO WERE RECEIVED BY THE JESUITS OF PARAGUAY.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide had brought such a valet with him from Cadiz, as one often meets\u003cbr /\u003ewith on the coasts of Spain and in the American colonies. He was a\u003cbr /\u003equarter Spaniard, born of a mongrel in Tucuman; he had been singing-boy,\u003cbr /\u003esacristan, sailor, monk, pedlar, soldier, and lackey. His name was\u003cbr /\u003eCacambo, and he loved his master, because his master was a very good\u003cbr /\u003eman. He quickly saddled the two Andalusian horses.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Come, master, let us follow the old woman\u0026#39;s advice; let us start, and\u003cbr /\u003erun without looking behind us.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide shed tears.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh! my dear Cunegonde! must I leave you just at a time when the\u003cbr /\u003eGovernor was going to sanction our nuptials? Cunegonde, brought to such\u003cbr /\u003ea distance what will become of you?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;She will do as well as she can,\u0026quot; said Cacambo; \u0026quot;the women are never at\u003cbr /\u003ea loss, God provides for them, let us run.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Whither art thou carrying me? Where shall we go? What shall we do\u003cbr /\u003ewithout Cunegonde?\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;By St. James of Compostella,\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;you were going to fight\u003cbr /\u003eagainst the Jesuits; let us go to fight for them; I know the road well,\u003cbr /\u003eI\u0026#39;ll conduct you to their kingdom, where they will be charmed to have a\u003cbr /\u003ecaptain that understands the Bulgarian exercise. You\u0026#39;ll make a\u003cbr /\u003eprodigious fortune; if we cannot find our account in one world we shall\u003cbr /\u003ein another. It is a great pleasure to see and do new things.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You have before been in Paraguay, then?\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ay, sure,\u0026quot; answered Cacambo, \u0026quot;I was servant in the College of the\u003cbr /\u003eAssumption, and am acquainted with the government of the good Fathers as\u003cbr /\u003ewell as I am with the streets of Cadiz. It is an admirable government.\u003cbr /\u003eThe kingdom is upwards of three hundred leagues in diameter, and divided\u003cbr /\u003einto thirty provinces; there the Fathers possess all, and the people\u003cbr /\u003enothing; it is a masterpiece of reason and justice. For my part I see\u003cbr /\u003enothing so divine as the Fathers who here make war upon the kings of\u003cbr /\u003eSpain and Portugal, and in Europe confess those kings; who here kill\u003cbr /\u003eSpaniards, and in Madrid send them to heaven; this delights me, let us\u003cbr /\u003epush forward. You are going to be the happiest of mortals. What pleasure\u003cbr /\u003ewill it be to those Fathers to hear that a captain who knows the\u003cbr /\u003eBulgarian exercise has come to them!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAs soon as they reached the first barrier, Cacambo told the advanced\u003cbr /\u003eguard that a captain wanted to speak with my lord the Commandant. Notice\u003cbr /\u003ewas given to the main guard, and immediately a Paraguayan officer ran\u003cbr /\u003eand laid himself at the feet of the Commandant, to impart this news to\u003cbr /\u003ehim. Candide and Cacambo were disarmed, and their two Andalusian horses\u003cbr /\u003eseized. The strangers were introduced between two files of musketeers;\u003cbr /\u003ethe Commandant was at the further end, with the three-cornered cap on\u003cbr /\u003ehis head, his gown tucked up, a sword by his side, and a spontoon[15] in\u003cbr /\u003ehis hand. He beckoned, and straightway the new-comers were encompassed\u003cbr /\u003eby four-and-twenty soldiers. A sergeant told them they must wait, that\u003cbr /\u003ethe Commandant could not speak to them, and that the reverend Father\u003cbr /\u003eProvincial does not suffer any Spaniard to open his mouth but in his\u003cbr /\u003epresence, or to stay above three hours in the province.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And where is the reverend Father Provincial?\u0026quot; said Cacambo.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;He is upon the parade just after celebrating mass,\u0026quot; answered the\u003cbr /\u003esergeant, \u0026quot;and you cannot kiss his spurs till three hours hence.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;However,\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;the captain is not a Spaniard, but a German,\u003cbr /\u003ehe is ready to perish with hunger as well as myself; cannot we have\u003cbr /\u003esomething for breakfast, while we wait for his reverence?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe sergeant went immediately to acquaint the Commandant with what he\u003cbr /\u003ehad heard.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;God be praised!\u0026quot; said the reverend Commandant, \u0026quot;since he is a German, I\u003cbr /\u003emay speak to him; take him to my arbour.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide was at once conducted to a beautiful summer-house, ornamented\u003cbr /\u003ewith a very pretty colonnade of green and gold marble, and with\u003cbr /\u003etrellises, enclosing parraquets, humming-birds, fly-birds, guinea-hens,\u003cbr /\u003eand all other rare birds. An excellent breakfast was provided in vessels\u003cbr /\u003eof gold; and while the Paraguayans were eating maize out of wooden\u003cbr /\u003edishes, in the open fields and exposed to the heat of the sun, the\u003cbr /\u003ereverend Father Commandant retired to his arbour.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe was a very handsome young man, with a full face, white skin but high\u003cbr /\u003ein colour; he had an arched eyebrow, a lively eye, red ears, vermilion\u003cbr /\u003elips, a bold air, but such a boldness as neither belonged to a Spaniard\u003cbr /\u003enor a Jesuit. They returned their arms to Candide and Cacambo, and also\u003cbr /\u003ethe two Andalusian horses; to whom Cacambo gave some oats to eat just by\u003cbr /\u003ethe arbour, having an eye upon them all the while for fear of a\u003cbr /\u003esurprise.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide first kissed the hem of the Commandant\u0026#39;s robe, then they sat\u003cbr /\u003edown to table.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You are, then, a German?\u0026quot; said the Jesuit to him in that language.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes, reverend Father,\u0026quot; answered Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAs they pronounced these words they looked at each other with great\u003cbr /\u003eamazement, and with such an emotion as they could not conceal.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And from what part of Germany do you come?\u0026quot; said the Jesuit.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am from the dirty province of Westphalia,\u0026quot; answered Candide; \u0026quot;I was\u003cbr /\u003eborn in the Castle of Thunder-ten-Tronckh.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh! Heavens! is it possible?\u0026quot; cried the Commandant.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What a miracle!\u0026quot; cried Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Is it really you?\u0026quot; said the Commandant.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is not possible!\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThey drew back; they embraced; they shed rivulets of tears.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What, is it you, reverend Father? You, the brother of the fair\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde! You, that was slain by the Bulgarians! You, the Baron\u0026#39;s son!\u003cbr /\u003eYou, a Jesuit in Paraguay! I must confess this is a strange world that\u003cbr /\u003ewe live in. Oh, Pangloss! Pangloss! how glad you would be if you had not\u003cbr /\u003ebeen hanged!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Commandant sent away the negro slaves and the Paraguayans, who\u003cbr /\u003eserved them with liquors in goblets of rock-crystal. He thanked God and\u003cbr /\u003eSt. Ignatius a thousand times; he clasped Candide in his arms; and their\u003cbr /\u003efaces were all bathed with tears.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You will be more surprised, more affected, and transported,\u0026quot; said\u003cbr /\u003eCandide, \u0026quot;when I tell you that Cunegonde, your sister, whom you believe\u003cbr /\u003eto have been ripped open, is in perfect health.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Where?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;In your neighbourhood, with the Governor of Buenos Ayres; and I was\u003cbr /\u003egoing to fight against you.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eEvery word which they uttered in this long conversation but added wonder\u003cbr /\u003eto wonder. Their souls fluttered on their tongues, listened in their\u003cbr /\u003eears, and sparkled in their eyes. As they were Germans, they sat a good\u003cbr /\u003ewhile at table, waiting for the reverend Father Provincial, and the\u003cbr /\u003eCommandant spoke to his dear Candide as follows.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXV\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHOW CANDIDE KILLED THE BROTHER OF HIS DEAR CUNEGONDE.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I shall have ever present to my memory the dreadful day, on which I saw\u003cbr /\u003emy father and mother killed, and my sister ravished. When the Bulgarians\u003cbr /\u003eretired, my dear sister could not be found; but my mother, my father,\u003cbr /\u003eand myself, with two maid-servants and three little boys all of whom had\u003cbr /\u003ebeen slain, were put in a hearse, to be conveyed for interment to a\u003cbr /\u003echapel belonging to the Jesuits, within two leagues of our family seat.\u003cbr /\u003eA Jesuit sprinkled us with some holy water; it was horribly salt; a few\u003cbr /\u003edrops of it fell into my eyes; the father perceived that my eyelids\u003cbr /\u003estirred a little; he put his hand upon my heart and felt it beat. I\u003cbr /\u003ereceived assistance, and at the end of three weeks I recovered. You\u003cbr /\u003eknow, my dear Candide, I was very pretty; but I grew much prettier, and\u003cbr /\u003ethe reverend Father Didrie,[16] Superior of that House, conceived the\u003cbr /\u003etenderest friendship for me; he gave me the habit of the order, some\u003cbr /\u003eyears after I was sent to Rome. The Father-General needed new levies of\u003cbr /\u003eyoung German-Jesuits. The sovereigns of Paraguay admit as few Spanish\u003cbr /\u003eJesuits as possible; they prefer those of other nations as being more\u003cbr /\u003esubordinate to their commands. I was judged fit by the reverend\u003cbr /\u003eFather-General to go and work in this vineyard. We set out–a Pole, a\u003cbr /\u003eTyrolese, and myself. Upon my arrival I was honoured with a\u003cbr /\u003esub-deaconship and a lieutenancy. I am to-day colonel and priest. We\u003cbr /\u003eshall give a warm reception to the King of Spain\u0026#39;s troops; I will answer\u003cbr /\u003efor it that they shall be excommunicated and well beaten. Providence\u003cbr /\u003esends you here to assist us. But is it, indeed, true that my dear sister\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde is in the neighbourhood, with the Governor of Buenos Ayres?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide assured him on oath that nothing was more true, and their tears\u003cbr /\u003ebegan afresh.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Baron could not refrain from embracing Candide; he called him his\u003cbr /\u003ebrother, his saviour.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah! perhaps,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;we shall together, my dear Candide, enter the\u003cbr /\u003etown as conquerors, and recover my sister Cunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;That is all I want,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;for I intended to marry her, and I\u003cbr /\u003estill hope to do so.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You insolent!\u0026quot; replied the Baron, \u0026quot;would you have the impudence to\u003cbr /\u003emarry my sister who has seventy-two quarterings! I find thou hast the\u003cbr /\u003emost consummate effrontery to dare to mention so presumptuous a design!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, petrified at this speech, made answer:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Reverend Father, all the quarterings in the world signify nothing; I\u003cbr /\u003erescued your sister from the arms of a Jew and of an Inquisitor; she has\u003cbr /\u003egreat obligations to me, she wishes to marry me; Master Pangloss always\u003cbr /\u003etold me that all men are equal, and certainly I will marry her.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We shall see that, thou scoundrel!\u0026quot; said the Jesuit Baron de\u003cbr /\u003eThunder-ten-Tronckh, and that instant struck him across the face with\u003cbr /\u003ethe flat of his sword. Candide in an instant drew his rapier, and\u003cbr /\u003eplunged it up to the hilt in the Jesuit\u0026#39;s belly; but in pulling it out\u003cbr /\u003ereeking hot, he burst into tears.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Good God!\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;I have killed my old master, my friend, my\u003cbr /\u003ebrother-in-law! I am the best-natured creature in the world, and yet I\u003cbr /\u003ehave already killed three men, and of these three two were priests.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo, who stood sentry by the door of the arbour, ran to him.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We have nothing more for it than to sell our lives as dearly as we\u003cbr /\u003ecan,\u0026quot; said his master to him, \u0026quot;without doubt some one will soon enter\u003cbr /\u003ethe arbour, and we must die sword in hand.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo, who had been in a great many scrapes in his lifetime, did not\u003cbr /\u003elose his head; he took the Baron\u0026#39;s Jesuit habit, put it on Candide, gave\u003cbr /\u003ehim the square cap, and made him mount on horseback. All this was done\u003cbr /\u003ein the twinkling of an eye.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Let us gallop fast, master, everybody will take you for a Jesuit, going\u003cbr /\u003eto give directions to your men, and we shall have passed the frontiers\u003cbr /\u003ebefore they will be able to overtake us.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe flew as he spoke these words, crying out aloud in Spanish:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Make way, make way, for the reverend Father Colonel.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXVI\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eADVENTURES OF THE TWO TRAVELLERS, WITH TWO GIRLS, TWO MONKEYS, AND THE\u003cbr /\u003eSAVAGES CALLED OREILLONS.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide and his valet had got beyond the barrier, before it was known in\u003cbr /\u003ethe camp that the German Jesuit was dead. The wary Cacambo had taken\u003cbr /\u003ecare to fill his wallet with bread, chocolate, bacon, fruit, and a few\u003cbr /\u003ebottles of wine. With their Andalusian horses they penetrated into an\u003cbr /\u003eunknown country, where they perceived no beaten track. At length they\u003cbr /\u003ecame to a beautiful meadow intersected with purling rills. Here our two\u003cbr /\u003eadventurers fed their horses. Cacambo proposed to his master to take\u003cbr /\u003esome food, and he set him an example.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;How can you ask me to eat ham,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;after killing the\u003cbr /\u003eBaron\u0026#39;s son, and being doomed never more to see the beautiful Cunegonde?\u003cbr /\u003eWhat will it avail me to spin out my wretched days and drag them far\u003cbr /\u003efrom her in remorse and despair? And what will the _Journal of\u003cbr /\u003eTrevoux_[17] say?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhile he was thus lamenting his fate, he went on eating. The sun went\u003cbr /\u003edown. The two wanderers heard some little cries which seemed to be\u003cbr /\u003euttered by women. They did not know whether they were cries of pain or\u003cbr /\u003ejoy; but they started up precipitately with that inquietude and alarm\u003cbr /\u003ewhich every little thing inspires in an unknown country. The noise was\u003cbr /\u003emade by two naked girls, who tripped along the mead, while two monkeys\u003cbr /\u003ewere pursuing them and biting their buttocks. Candide was moved with\u003cbr /\u003epity; he had learned to fire a gun in the Bulgarian service, and he was\u003cbr /\u003eso clever at it, that he could hit a filbert in a hedge without touching\u003cbr /\u003ea leaf of the tree. He took up his double-barrelled Spanish fusil, let\u003cbr /\u003eit off, and killed the two monkeys.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;God be praised! My dear Cacambo, I have rescued those two poor\u003cbr /\u003ecreatures from a most perilous situation. If I have committed a sin in\u003cbr /\u003ekilling an Inquisitor and a Jesuit, I have made ample amends by saving\u003cbr /\u003ethe lives of these girls. Perhaps they are young ladies of family; and\u003cbr /\u003ethis adventure may procure us great advantages in this country.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe was continuing, but stopped short when he saw the two girls tenderly\u003cbr /\u003eembracing the monkeys, bathing their bodies in tears, and rending the\u003cbr /\u003eair with the most dismal lamentations.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Little did I expect to see such good-nature,\u0026quot; said he at length to\u003cbr /\u003eCacambo; who made answer:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Master, you have done a fine thing now; you have slain the sweethearts\u003cbr /\u003eof those two young ladies.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;The sweethearts! Is it possible? You are jesting, Cacambo, I can never\u003cbr /\u003ebelieve it!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Dear master,\u0026quot; replied Cacambo; \u0026quot;you are surprised at everything. Why\u003cbr /\u003eshould you think it so strange that in some countries there are monkeys\u003cbr /\u003ewhich insinuate themselves into the good graces of the ladies; they are\u003cbr /\u003ea fourth part human, as I am a fourth part Spaniard.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; replied Candide, \u0026quot;I remember to have heard Master Pangloss say,\u003cbr /\u003ethat formerly such accidents used to happen; that these mixtures were\u003cbr /\u003eproductive of Centaurs, Fauns, and Satyrs; and that many of the ancients\u003cbr /\u003ehad seen such monsters, but I looked upon the whole as fabulous.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You ought now to be convinced,\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;that it is the truth,\u003cbr /\u003eand you see what use is made of those creatures, by persons that have\u003cbr /\u003enot had a proper education; all I fear is that those ladies will play us\u003cbr /\u003esome ugly trick.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThese sound reflections induced Candide to leave the meadow and to\u003cbr /\u003eplunge into a wood. He supped there with Cacambo; and after cursing the\u003cbr /\u003ePortuguese inquisitor, the Governor of Buenos Ayres, and the Baron, they\u003cbr /\u003efell asleep on moss. On awaking they felt that they could not move; for\u003cbr /\u003eduring the night the Oreillons, who inhabited that country, and to whom\u003cbr /\u003ethe ladies had denounced them, had bound them with cords made of the\u003cbr /\u003ebark of trees. They were encompassed by fifty naked Oreillons, armed\u003cbr /\u003ewith bows and arrows, with clubs and flint hatchets. Some were making a\u003cbr /\u003elarge cauldron boil, others were preparing spits, and all cried:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;A Jesuit! a Jesuit! we shall be revenged, we shall have excellent\u003cbr /\u003echeer, let us eat the Jesuit, let us eat him up!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I told you, my dear master,\u0026quot; cried Cacambo sadly, \u0026quot;that those two girls\u003cbr /\u003ewould play us some ugly trick.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide seeing the cauldron and the spits, cried:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We are certainly going to be either roasted or boiled. Ah! what would\u003cbr /\u003eMaster Pangloss say, were he to see how pure nature is formed?\u003cbr /\u003eEverything is right, may be, but I declare it is very hard to have lost\u003cbr /\u003eMiss Cunegonde and to be put upon a spit by Oreillons.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo never lost his head.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Do not despair,\u0026quot; said he to the disconsolate Candide, \u0026quot;I understand a\u003cbr /\u003elittle of the jargon of these people, I will speak to them.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Be sure,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;to represent to them how frightfully inhuman\u003cbr /\u003eit is to cook men, and how very un-Christian.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Gentlemen,\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;you reckon you are to-day going to feast\u003cbr /\u003eupon a Jesuit. It is all very well, nothing is more unjust than thus to\u003cbr /\u003etreat your enemies. Indeed, the law of nature teaches us to kill our\u003cbr /\u003eneighbour, and such is the practice all over the world. If we do not\u003cbr /\u003eaccustom ourselves to eating them, it is because we have better fare.\u003cbr /\u003eBut you have not the same resources as we; certainly it is much better\u003cbr /\u003eto devour your enemies than to resign to the crows and rooks the fruits\u003cbr /\u003eof your victory. But, gentlemen, surely you would not choose to eat your\u003cbr /\u003efriends. You believe that you are going to spit a Jesuit, and he is your\u003cbr /\u003edefender. It is the enemy of your enemies that you are going to roast.\u003cbr /\u003eAs for myself, I was born in your country; this gentleman is my master,\u003cbr /\u003eand, far from being a Jesuit, he has just killed one, whose spoils he\u003cbr /\u003ewears; and thence comes your mistake. To convince you of the truth of\u003cbr /\u003ewhat I say, take his habit and carry it to the first barrier of the\u003cbr /\u003eJesuit kingdom, and inform yourselves whether my master did not kill a\u003cbr /\u003eJesuit officer. It will not take you long, and you can always eat us if\u003cbr /\u003eyou find that I have lied to you. But I have told you the truth. You are\u003cbr /\u003etoo well acquainted with the principles of public law, humanity, and\u003cbr /\u003ejustice not to pardon us.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Oreillons found this speech very reasonable. They deputed two of\u003cbr /\u003etheir principal people with all expedition to inquire into the truth of\u003cbr /\u003ethe matter; these executed their commission like men of sense, and soon\u003cbr /\u003ereturned with good news. The Oreillons untied their prisoners, showed\u003cbr /\u003ethem all sorts of civilities, offered them girls, gave them refreshment,\u003cbr /\u003eand reconducted them to the confines of their territories, proclaiming\u003cbr /\u003ewith great joy:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;He is no Jesuit! He is no Jesuit!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide could not help being surprised at the cause of his deliverance.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What people!\u0026quot; said he; \u0026quot;what men! what manners! If I had not been so\u003cbr /\u003elucky as to run Miss Cunegonde\u0026#39;s brother through the body, I should have\u003cbr /\u003ebeen devoured without redemption. But, after all, pure nature is good,\u003cbr /\u003esince these people, instead of feasting upon my flesh, have shown me a\u003cbr /\u003ethousand civilities, when then I was not a Jesuit.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXVII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eARRIVAL OF CANDIDE AND HIS VALET AT EL DORADO, AND WHAT THEY SAW THERE.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You see,\u0026quot; said Cacambo to Candide, as soon as they had reached the\u003cbr /\u003efrontiers of the Oreillons, \u0026quot;that this hemisphere is not better than the\u003cbr /\u003eothers, take my word for it; let us go back to Europe by the shortest\u003cbr /\u003eway.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;How go back?\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;and where shall we go? to my own country?\u003cbr /\u003eThe Bulgarians and the Abares are slaying all; to Portugal? there I\u003cbr /\u003eshall be burnt; and if we abide here we are every moment in danger of\u003cbr /\u003ebeing spitted. But how can I resolve to quit a part of the world where\u003cbr /\u003emy dear Cunegonde resides?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Let us turn towards Cayenne,\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;there we shall find\u003cbr /\u003eFrenchmen, who wander all over the world; they may assist us; God will\u003cbr /\u003eperhaps have pity on us.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIt was not easy to get to Cayenne; they knew vaguely in which direction\u003cbr /\u003eto go, but rivers, precipices, robbers, savages, obstructed them all the\u003cbr /\u003eway. Their horses died of fatigue. Their provisions were consumed; they\u003cbr /\u003efed a whole month upon wild fruits, and found themselves at last near a\u003cbr /\u003elittle river bordered with cocoa trees, which sustained their lives and\u003cbr /\u003etheir hopes.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo, who was as good a counsellor as the old woman, said to Candide:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We are able to hold out no longer; we have walked enough. I see an\u003cbr /\u003eempty canoe near the river-side; let us fill it with cocoanuts, throw\u003cbr /\u003eourselves into it, and go with the current; a river always leads to some\u003cbr /\u003einhabited spot. If we do not find pleasant things we shall at least find\u003cbr /\u003enew things.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;With all my heart,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;let us recommend ourselves to\u003cbr /\u003eProvidence.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThey rowed a few leagues, between banks, in some places flowery, in\u003cbr /\u003eothers barren; in some parts smooth, in others rugged. The stream ever\u003cbr /\u003ewidened, and at length lost itself under an arch of frightful rocks\u003cbr /\u003ewhich reached to the sky. The two travellers had the courage to commit\u003cbr /\u003ethemselves to the current. The river, suddenly contracting at this\u003cbr /\u003eplace, whirled them along with a dreadful noise and rapidity. At the end\u003cbr /\u003eof four-and-twenty hours they saw daylight again, but their canoe was\u003cbr /\u003edashed to pieces against the rocks. For a league they had to creep from\u003cbr /\u003erock to rock, until at length they discovered an extensive plain,\u003cbr /\u003ebounded by inaccessible mountains. The country was cultivated as much\u003cbr /\u003efor pleasure as for necessity. On all sides the useful was also the\u003cbr /\u003ebeautiful. The roads were covered, or rather adorned, with carriages of\u003cbr /\u003ea glittering form and substance, in which were men and women of\u003cbr /\u003esurprising beauty, drawn by large red sheep which surpassed in fleetness\u003cbr /\u003ethe finest coursers of Andalusia, Tetuan, and Mequinez.[18]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Here, however, is a country,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;which is better than\u003cbr /\u003eWestphalia.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe stepped out with Cacambo towards the first village which he saw. Some\u003cbr /\u003echildren dressed in tattered brocades played at quoits on the outskirts.\u003cbr /\u003eOur travellers from the other world amused themselves by looking on. The\u003cbr /\u003equoits were large round pieces, yellow, red, and green, which cast a\u003cbr /\u003esingular lustre! The travellers picked a few of them off the ground;\u003cbr /\u003ethis was of gold, that of emeralds, the other of rubies–the least of\u003cbr /\u003ethem would have been the greatest ornament on the Mogul\u0026#39;s throne.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Without doubt,\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;these children must be the king\u0026#39;s sons\u003cbr /\u003ethat are playing at quoits!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe village schoolmaster appeared at this moment and called them to\u003cbr /\u003eschool.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;is the preceptor of the royal family.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe little truants immediately quitted their game, leaving the quoits\u003cbr /\u003eon the ground with all their other playthings. Candide gathered them up,\u003cbr /\u003eran to the master, and presented them to him in a most humble manner,\u003cbr /\u003egiving him to understand by signs that their royal highnesses had\u003cbr /\u003eforgotten their gold and jewels. The schoolmaster, smiling, flung them\u003cbr /\u003eupon the ground; then, looking at Candide with a good deal of surprise,\u003cbr /\u003ewent about his business.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe travellers, however, took care to gather up the gold, the rubies,\u003cbr /\u003eand the emeralds.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Where are we?\u0026quot; cried Candide. \u0026quot;The king\u0026#39;s children in this country must\u003cbr /\u003ebe well brought up, since they are taught to despise gold and precious\u003cbr /\u003estones.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo was as much surprised as Candide. At length they drew near the\u003cbr /\u003efirst house in the village. It was built like an European palace. A\u003cbr /\u003ecrowd of people pressed about the door, and there were still more in the\u003cbr /\u003ehouse. They heard most agreeable music, and were aware of a delicious\u003cbr /\u003eodour of cooking. Cacambo went up to the door and heard they were\u003cbr /\u003etalking Peruvian; it was his mother tongue, for it is well known that\u003cbr /\u003eCacambo was born in Tucuman, in a village where no other language was\u003cbr /\u003espoken.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I will be your interpreter here,\u0026quot; said he to Candide; \u0026quot;let us go in, it\u003cbr /\u003eis a public-house.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eImmediately two waiters and two girls, dressed in cloth of gold, and\u003cbr /\u003etheir hair tied up with ribbons, invited them to sit down to table with\u003cbr /\u003ethe landlord. They served four dishes of soup, each garnished with two\u003cbr /\u003eyoung parrots; a boiled condor[19] which weighed two hundred pounds; two\u003cbr /\u003eroasted monkeys, of excellent flavour; three hundred humming-birds in\u003cbr /\u003eone dish, and six hundred fly-birds in another; exquisite ragouts;\u003cbr /\u003edelicious pastries; the whole served up in dishes of a kind of\u003cbr /\u003erock-crystal. The waiters and girls poured out several liqueurs drawn\u003cbr /\u003efrom the sugar-cane.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eMost of the company were chapmen and waggoners, all extremely polite;\u003cbr /\u003ethey asked Cacambo a few questions with the greatest circumspection, and\u003cbr /\u003eanswered his in the most obliging manner.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAs soon as dinner was over, Cacambo believed as well as Candide that\u003cbr /\u003ethey might well pay their reckoning by laying down two of those large\u003cbr /\u003egold pieces which they had picked up. The landlord and landlady shouted\u003cbr /\u003ewith laughter and held their sides. When the fit was over:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Gentlemen,\u0026quot; said the landlord, \u0026quot;it is plain you are strangers, and such\u003cbr /\u003eguests we are not accustomed to see; pardon us therefore for laughing\u003cbr /\u003ewhen you offered us the pebbles from our highroads in payment of your\u003cbr /\u003ereckoning. You doubtless have not the money of the country; but it is\u003cbr /\u003enot necessary to have any money at all to dine in this house. All\u003cbr /\u003ehostelries established for the convenience of commerce are paid by the\u003cbr /\u003egovernment. You have fared but very indifferently because this is a poor\u003cbr /\u003evillage; but everywhere else, you will be received as you deserve.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo explained this whole discourse with great astonishment to\u003cbr /\u003eCandide, who was as greatly astonished to hear it.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What sort of a country then is this,\u0026quot; said they to one another; \u0026quot;a\u003cbr /\u003ecountry unknown to all the rest of the world, and where nature is of a\u003cbr /\u003ekind so different from ours? It is probably the country where all is\u003cbr /\u003ewell; for there absolutely must be one such place. And, whatever Master\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss might say, I often found that things went very ill in\u003cbr /\u003eWestphalia.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXVIII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWHAT THEY SAW IN THE COUNTRY OF EL DORADO.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo expressed his curiosity to the landlord, who made answer:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am very ignorant, but not the worse on that account. However, we have\u003cbr /\u003ein this neighbourhood an old man retired from Court who is the most\u003cbr /\u003elearned and most communicative person in the kingdom.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt once he took Cacambo to the old man. Candide acted now only a second\u003cbr /\u003echaracter, and accompanied his valet. They entered a very plain house,\u003cbr /\u003efor the door was only of silver, and the ceilings were only of gold, but\u003cbr /\u003ewrought in so elegant a taste as to vie with the richest. The\u003cbr /\u003eantechamber, indeed, was only encrusted with rubies and emeralds, but\u003cbr /\u003ethe order in which everything was arranged made amends for this great\u003cbr /\u003esimplicity.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe old man received the strangers on his sofa, which was stuffed with\u003cbr /\u003ehumming-birds\u0026#39; feathers, and ordered his servants to present them with\u003cbr /\u003eliqueurs in diamond goblets; after which he satisfied their curiosity\u003cbr /\u003ein the following terms:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am now one hundred and seventy-two years old, and I learnt of my late\u003cbr /\u003efather, Master of the Horse to the King, the amazing revolutions of\u003cbr /\u003ePeru, of which he had been an eyewitness. The kingdom we now inhabit is\u003cbr /\u003ethe ancient country of the Incas, who quitted it very imprudently to\u003cbr /\u003econquer another part of the world, and were at length destroyed by the\u003cbr /\u003eSpaniards.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;More wise by far were the princes of their family, who remained in\u003cbr /\u003etheir native country; and they ordained, with the consent of the whole\u003cbr /\u003enation, that none of the inhabitants should ever be permitted to quit\u003cbr /\u003ethis little kingdom; and this has preserved our innocence and happiness.\u003cbr /\u003eThe Spaniards have had a confused notion of this country, and have\u003cbr /\u003ecalled it _El Dorado_; and an Englishman, whose name was Sir Walter\u003cbr /\u003eRaleigh, came very near it about a hundred years ago; but being\u003cbr /\u003esurrounded by inaccessible rocks and precipices, we have hitherto been\u003cbr /\u003esheltered from the rapaciousness of European nations, who have an\u003cbr /\u003einconceivable passion for the pebbles and dirt of our land, for the sake\u003cbr /\u003eof which they would murder us to the last man.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe conversation was long: it turned chiefly on their form of\u003cbr /\u003egovernment, their manners, their women, their public entertainments,\u003cbr /\u003eand the arts. At length Candide, having always had a taste for\u003cbr /\u003emetaphysics, made Cacambo ask whether there was any religion in that\u003cbr /\u003ecountry.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe old man reddened a little.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;How then,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;can you doubt it? Do you take us for ungrateful\u003cbr /\u003ewretches?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo humbly asked, \u0026quot;What was the religion in El Dorado?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe old man reddened again.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Can there be two religions?\u0026quot; said he. \u0026quot;We have, I believe, the religion\u003cbr /\u003eof all the world: we worship God night and morning.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Do you worship but one God?\u0026quot; said Cacambo, who still acted as\u003cbr /\u003einterpreter in representing Candide\u0026#39;s doubts.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Surely,\u0026quot; said the old man, \u0026quot;there are not two, nor three, nor four. I\u003cbr /\u003emust confess the people from your side of the world ask very\u003cbr /\u003eextraordinary questions.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide was not yet tired of interrogating the good old man; he wanted\u003cbr /\u003eto know in what manner they prayed to God in El Dorado.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We do not pray to Him,\u0026quot; said the worthy sage; \u0026quot;we have nothing to ask\u003cbr /\u003eof Him; He has given us all we need, and we return Him thanks without\u003cbr /\u003eceasing.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide having a curiosity to see the priests asked where they were.\u003cbr /\u003eThe good old man smiled.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My friend,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;we are all priests. The King and all the heads of\u003cbr /\u003efamilies sing solemn canticles of thanksgiving every morning,\u003cbr /\u003eaccompanied by five or six thousand musicians.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What! have you no monks who teach, who dispute, who govern, who cabal,\u003cbr /\u003eand who burn people that are not of their opinion?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We must be mad, indeed, if that were the case,\u0026quot; said the old man; \u0026quot;here\u003cbr /\u003ewe are all of one opinion, and we know not what you mean by monks.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eDuring this whole discourse Candide was in raptures, and he said to\u003cbr /\u003ehimself:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;This is vastly different from Westphalia and the Baron\u0026#39;s castle. Had\u003cbr /\u003eour friend Pangloss seen El Dorado he would no longer have said that the\u003cbr /\u003ecastle of Thunder-ten-Tronckh was the finest upon earth. It is evident\u003cbr /\u003ethat one must travel.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAfter this long conversation the old man ordered a coach and six sheep\u003cbr /\u003eto be got ready, and twelve of his domestics to conduct the travellers\u003cbr /\u003eto Court.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Excuse me,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;if my age deprives me of the honour of\u003cbr /\u003eaccompanying you. The King will receive you in a manner that cannot\u003cbr /\u003edisplease you; and no doubt you will make an allowance for the customs\u003cbr /\u003eof the country, if some things should not be to your liking.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide and Cacambo got into the coach, the six sheep flew, and in less\u003cbr /\u003ethan four hours they reached the King\u0026#39;s palace situated at the extremity\u003cbr /\u003eof the capital. The portal was two hundred and twenty feet high, and one\u003cbr /\u003ehundred wide; but words are wanting to express the materials of which it\u003cbr /\u003ewas built. It is plain such materials must have prodigious superiority\u003cbr /\u003eover those pebbles and sand which we call gold and precious stones.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eTwenty beautiful damsels of the King\u0026#39;s guard received Candide and\u003cbr /\u003eCacambo as they alighted from the coach, conducted them to the bath, and\u003cbr /\u003edressed them in robes woven of the down of humming-birds; after which\u003cbr /\u003ethe great crown officers, of both sexes, led them to the King\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003eapartment, between two files of musicians, a thousand on each side. When\u003cbr /\u003ethey drew near to the audience chamber Cacambo asked one of the great\u003cbr /\u003eofficers in what way he should pay his obeisance to his Majesty; whether\u003cbr /\u003ethey should throw themselves upon their knees or on their stomachs;\u003cbr /\u003ewhether they should put their hands upon their heads or behind their\u003cbr /\u003ebacks; whether they should lick the dust off the floor; in a word, what\u003cbr /\u003ewas the ceremony?\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;The custom,\u0026quot; said the great officer, \u0026quot;is to embrace the King, and to\u003cbr /\u003ekiss him on each cheek.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide and Cacambo threw themselves round his Majesty\u0026#39;s neck. He\u003cbr /\u003ereceived them with all the goodness imaginable, and politely invited\u003cbr /\u003ethem to supper.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhile waiting they were shown the city, and saw the public edifices\u003cbr /\u003eraised as high as the clouds, the market places ornamented with a\u003cbr /\u003ethousand columns, the fountains of spring water, those of rose water,\u003cbr /\u003ethose of liqueurs drawn from sugar-cane, incessantly flowing into the\u003cbr /\u003egreat squares, which were paved with a kind of precious stone, which\u003cbr /\u003egave off a delicious fragrancy like that of cloves and cinnamon. Candide\u003cbr /\u003easked to see the court of justice, the parliament. They told him they\u003cbr /\u003ehad none, and that they were strangers to lawsuits. He asked if they had\u003cbr /\u003eany prisons, and they answered no. But what surprised him most and gave\u003cbr /\u003ehim the greatest pleasure was the palace of sciences, where he saw a\u003cbr /\u003egallery two thousand feet long, and filled with instruments employed in\u003cbr /\u003emathematics and physics.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAfter rambling about the city the whole afternoon, and seeing but a\u003cbr /\u003ethousandth part of it, they were reconducted to the royal palace, where\u003cbr /\u003eCandide sat down to table with his Majesty, his valet Cacambo, and\u003cbr /\u003eseveral ladies. Never was there a better entertainment, and never was\u003cbr /\u003emore wit shown at a table than that which fell from his Majesty. Cacambo\u003cbr /\u003eexplained the King\u0026#39;s _bon-mots_ to Candide, and notwithstanding they\u003cbr /\u003ewere translated they still appeared to be _bon-mots_. Of all the things\u003cbr /\u003ethat surprised Candide this was not the least.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThey spent a month in this hospitable place. Candide frequently said to\u003cbr /\u003eCacambo:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I own, my friend, once more that the castle where I was born is nothing\u003cbr /\u003ein comparison with this; but, after all, Miss Cunegonde is not here, and\u003cbr /\u003eyou have, without doubt, some mistress in Europe. If we abide here we\u003cbr /\u003eshall only be upon a footing with the rest, whereas, if we return to our\u003cbr /\u003eold world, only with twelve sheep laden with the pebbles of El Dorado,\u003cbr /\u003ewe shall be richer than all the kings in Europe. We shall have no more\u003cbr /\u003eInquisitors to fear, and we may easily recover Miss Cunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThis speech was agreeable to Cacambo; mankind are so fond of roving, of\u003cbr /\u003emaking a figure in their own country, and of boasting of what they have\u003cbr /\u003eseen in their travels, that the two happy ones resolved to be no longer\u003cbr /\u003eso, but to ask his Majesty\u0026#39;s leave to quit the country.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You are foolish,\u0026quot; said the King. \u0026quot;I am sensible that my kingdom is but\u003cbr /\u003ea small place, but when a person is comfortably settled in any part he\u003cbr /\u003eshould abide there. I have not the right to detain strangers. It is a\u003cbr /\u003etyranny which neither our manners nor our laws permit. All men are free.\u003cbr /\u003eGo when you wish, but the going will be very difficult. It is impossible\u003cbr /\u003eto ascend that rapid river on which you came as by a miracle, and which\u003cbr /\u003eruns under vaulted rocks. The mountains which surround my kingdom are\u003cbr /\u003eten thousand feet high, and as steep as walls; they are each over ten\u003cbr /\u003eleagues in breadth, and there is no other way to descend them than by\u003cbr /\u003eprecipices. However, since you absolutely wish to depart, I shall give\u003cbr /\u003eorders to my engineers to construct a machine that will convey you very\u003cbr /\u003esafely. When we have conducted you over the mountains no one can\u003cbr /\u003eaccompany you further, for my subjects have made a vow never to quit the\u003cbr /\u003ekingdom, and they are too wise to break it. Ask me besides anything that\u003cbr /\u003eyou please.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We desire nothing of your Majesty,\u0026quot; says Candide, \u0026quot;but a few sheep\u003cbr /\u003eladen with provisions, pebbles, and the earth of this country.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe King laughed.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I cannot conceive,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;what pleasure you Europeans find in our\u003cbr /\u003eyellow clay, but take as much as you like, and great good may it do\u003cbr /\u003eyou.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt once he gave directions that his engineers should construct a machine\u003cbr /\u003eto hoist up these two extraordinary men out of the kingdom. Three\u003cbr /\u003ethousand good mathematicians went to work; it was ready in fifteen days,\u003cbr /\u003eand did not cost more than twenty million sterling in the specie of that\u003cbr /\u003ecountry. They placed Candide and Cacambo on the machine. There were two\u003cbr /\u003egreat red sheep saddled and bridled to ride upon as soon as they were\u003cbr /\u003ebeyond the mountains, twenty pack-sheep laden with provisions, thirty\u003cbr /\u003ewith presents of the curiosities of the country, and fifty with gold,\u003cbr /\u003ediamonds, and precious stones. The King embraced the two wanderers very\u003cbr /\u003etenderly.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eTheir departure, with the ingenious manner in which they and their sheep\u003cbr /\u003ewere hoisted over the mountains, was a splendid spectacle. The\u003cbr /\u003emathematicians took their leave after conveying them to a place of\u003cbr /\u003esafety, and Candide had no other desire, no other aim, than to present\u003cbr /\u003ehis sheep to Miss Cunegonde.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Now,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;we are able to pay the Governor of Buenos Ayres if Miss\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde can be ransomed. Let us journey towards Cayenne. Let us\u003cbr /\u003eembark, and we will afterwards see what kingdom we shall be able to\u003cbr /\u003epurchase.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXIX\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWHAT HAPPENED TO THEM AT SURINAM AND HOW CANDIDE GOT ACQUAINTED WITH\u003cbr /\u003eMARTIN.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eOur travellers spent the first day very agreeably. They were delighted\u003cbr /\u003ewith possessing more treasure than all Asia, Europe, and Africa could\u003cbr /\u003escrape together. Candide, in his raptures, cut Cunegonde\u0026#39;s name on the\u003cbr /\u003etrees. The second day two of their sheep plunged into a morass, where\u003cbr /\u003ethey and their burdens were lost; two more died of fatigue a few days\u003cbr /\u003eafter; seven or eight perished with hunger in a desert; and others\u003cbr /\u003esubsequently fell down precipices. At length, after travelling a hundred\u003cbr /\u003edays, only two sheep remained. Said Candide to Cacambo:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My friend, you see how perishable are the riches of this world; there\u003cbr /\u003eis nothing solid but virtue, and the happiness of seeing Cunegonde once\u003cbr /\u003emore.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I grant all you say,\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;but we have still two sheep\u003cbr /\u003eremaining, with more treasure than the King of Spain will ever have; and\u003cbr /\u003eI see a town which I take to be Surinam, belonging to the Dutch. We are\u003cbr /\u003eat the end of all our troubles, and at the beginning of happiness.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAs they drew near the town, they saw a negro stretched upon the ground,\u003cbr /\u003ewith only one moiety of his clothes, that is, of his blue linen drawers;\u003cbr /\u003ethe poor man had lost his left leg and his right hand.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Good God!\u0026quot; said Candide in Dutch, \u0026quot;what art thou doing there, friend,\u003cbr /\u003ein that shocking condition?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am waiting for my master, Mynheer Vanderdendur, the famous merchant,\u0026quot;\u003cbr /\u003eanswered the negro.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Was it Mynheer Vanderdendur,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;that treated thee thus?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes, sir,\u0026quot; said the negro, \u0026quot;it is the custom. They give us a pair of\u003cbr /\u003elinen drawers for our whole garment twice a year. When we work at the\u003cbr /\u003esugar-canes, and the mill snatches hold of a finger, they cut off the\u003cbr /\u003ehand; and when we attempt to run away, they cut off the leg; both cases\u003cbr /\u003ehave happened to me. This is the price at which you eat sugar in Europe.\u003cbr /\u003eYet when my mother sold me for ten patagons[20] on the coast of Guinea,\u003cbr /\u003eshe said to me: \u0026#39;My dear child, bless our fetiches, adore them for ever;\u003cbr /\u003ethey will make thee live happily; thou hast the honour of being the\u003cbr /\u003eslave of our lords, the whites, which is making the fortune of thy\u003cbr /\u003efather and mother.\u0026#39; Alas! I know not whether I have made their fortunes;\u003cbr /\u003ethis I know, that they have not made mine. Dogs, monkeys, and parrots\u003cbr /\u003eare a thousand times less wretched than I. The Dutch fetiches, who have\u003cbr /\u003econverted me, declare every Sunday that we are all of us children of\u003cbr /\u003eAdam–blacks as well as whites. I am not a genealogist, but if these\u003cbr /\u003epreachers tell truth, we are all second cousins. Now, you must agree,\u003cbr /\u003ethat it is impossible to treat one\u0026#39;s relations in a more barbarous\u003cbr /\u003emanner.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh, Pangloss!\u0026quot; cried Candide, \u0026quot;thou hadst not guessed at this\u003cbr /\u003eabomination; it is the end. I must at last renounce thy optimism.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What is this optimism?\u0026quot; said Cacambo.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;it is the madness of maintaining that everything\u003cbr /\u003eis right when it is wrong.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eLooking at the negro, he shed tears, and weeping, he entered Surinam.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe first thing they inquired after was whether there was a vessel in\u003cbr /\u003ethe harbour which could be sent to Buenos Ayres. The person to whom they\u003cbr /\u003eapplied was a Spanish sea-captain, who offered to agree with them upon\u003cbr /\u003ereasonable terms. He appointed to meet them at a public-house, whither\u003cbr /\u003eCandide and the faithful Cacambo went with their two sheep, and awaited\u003cbr /\u003ehis coming.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, who had his heart upon his lips, told the Spaniard all his\u003cbr /\u003eadventures, and avowed that he intended to elope with Miss Cunegonde.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Then I will take good care not to carry you to Buenos Ayres,\u0026quot; said the\u003cbr /\u003eseaman. \u0026quot;I should be hanged, and so would you. The fair Cunegonde is my\u003cbr /\u003elord\u0026#39;s favourite mistress.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThis was a thunderclap for Candide: he wept for a long while. At last he\u003cbr /\u003edrew Cacambo aside.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Here, my dear friend,\u0026quot; said he to him, \u0026quot;this thou must do. We have,\u003cbr /\u003eeach of us in his pocket, five or six millions in diamonds; you are more\u003cbr /\u003eclever than I; you must go and bring Miss Cunegonde from Buenos Ayres.\u003cbr /\u003eIf the Governor makes any difficulty, give him a million; if he will not\u003cbr /\u003erelinquish her, give him two; as you have not killed an Inquisitor, they\u003cbr /\u003ewill have no suspicion of you; I\u0026#39;ll get another ship, and go and wait\u003cbr /\u003efor you at Venice; that\u0026#39;s a free country, where there is no danger\u003cbr /\u003eeither from Bulgarians, Abares, Jews, or Inquisitors.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo applauded this wise resolution. He despaired at parting from so\u003cbr /\u003egood a master, who had become his intimate friend; but the pleasure of\u003cbr /\u003eserving him prevailed over the pain of leaving him. They embraced with\u003cbr /\u003etears; Candide charged him not to forget the good old woman. Cacambo\u003cbr /\u003eset out that very same day. This Cacambo was a very honest fellow.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide stayed some time longer in Surinam, waiting for another captain\u003cbr /\u003eto carry him and the two remaining sheep to Italy. After he had hired\u003cbr /\u003edomestics, and purchased everything necessary for a long voyage, Mynheer\u003cbr /\u003eVanderdendur, captain of a large vessel, came and offered his services.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;How much will you charge,\u0026quot; said he to this man, \u0026quot;to carry me straight\u003cbr /\u003eto Venice–me, my servants, my baggage, and these two sheep?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe skipper asked ten thousand piastres. Candide did not hesitate.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh! oh!\u0026quot; said the prudent Vanderdendur to himself, \u0026quot;this stranger gives\u003cbr /\u003eten thousand piastres unhesitatingly! He must be very rich.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eReturning a little while after, he let him know that upon second\u003cbr /\u003econsideration, he could not undertake the voyage for less than twenty\u003cbr /\u003ethousand piastres.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well, you shall have them,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ay!\u0026quot; said the skipper to himself, \u0026quot;this man agrees to pay twenty\u003cbr /\u003ethousand piastres with as much ease as ten.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe went back to him again, and declared that he could not carry him to\u003cbr /\u003eVenice for less than thirty thousand piastres.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Then you shall have thirty thousand,\u0026quot; replied Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh! oh!\u0026quot; said the Dutch skipper once more to himself, \u0026quot;thirty thousand\u003cbr /\u003epiastres are a trifle to this man; surely these sheep must be laden with\u003cbr /\u003ean immense treasure; let us say no more about it. First of all, let him\u003cbr /\u003epay down the thirty thousand piastres; then we shall see.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide sold two small diamonds, the least of which was worth more than\u003cbr /\u003ewhat the skipper asked for his freight. He paid him in advance. The two\u003cbr /\u003esheep were put on board. Candide followed in a little boat to join the\u003cbr /\u003evessel in the roads. The skipper seized his opportunity, set sail, and\u003cbr /\u003eput out to sea, the wind favouring him. Candide, dismayed and stupefied,\u003cbr /\u003esoon lost sight of the vessel.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;this is a trick worthy of the old world!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe put back, overwhelmed with sorrow, for indeed he had lost sufficient\u003cbr /\u003eto make the fortune of twenty monarchs. He waited upon the Dutch\u003cbr /\u003emagistrate, and in his distress he knocked over loudly at the door. He\u003cbr /\u003eentered and told his adventure, raising his voice with unnecessary\u003cbr /\u003evehemence. The magistrate began by fining him ten thousand piastres for\u003cbr /\u003emaking a noise; then he listened patiently, promised to examine into his\u003cbr /\u003eaffair at the skipper\u0026#39;s return, and ordered him to pay ten thousand\u003cbr /\u003epiastres for the expense of the hearing.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThis drove Candide to despair; he had, indeed, endured misfortunes a\u003cbr /\u003ethousand times worse; the coolness of the magistrate and of the skipper\u003cbr /\u003ewho had robbed him, roused his choler and flung him into a deep\u003cbr /\u003emelancholy. The villainy of mankind presented itself before his\u003cbr /\u003eimagination in all its deformity, and his mind was filled with gloomy\u003cbr /\u003eideas. At length hearing that a French vessel was ready to set sail for\u003cbr /\u003eBordeaux, as he had no sheep laden with diamonds to take along with him\u003cbr /\u003ehe hired a cabin at the usual price. He made it known in the town that\u003cbr /\u003ehe would pay the passage and board and give two thousand piastres to any\u003cbr /\u003ehonest man who would make the voyage with him, upon condition that this\u003cbr /\u003eman was the most dissatisfied with his state, and the most unfortunate\u003cbr /\u003ein the whole province.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eSuch a crowd of candidates presented themselves that a fleet of ships\u003cbr /\u003ecould hardly have held them. Candide being desirous of selecting from\u003cbr /\u003eamong the best, marked out about one-twentieth of them who seemed to be\u003cbr /\u003esociable men, and who all pretended to merit his preference. He\u003cbr /\u003eassembled them at his inn, and gave them a supper on condition that each\u003cbr /\u003etook an oath to relate his history faithfully, promising to choose him\u003cbr /\u003ewho appeared to be most justly discontented with his state, and to\u003cbr /\u003ebestow some presents upon the rest.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThey sat until four o\u0026#39;clock in the morning. Candide, in listening to all\u003cbr /\u003etheir adventures, was reminded of what the old woman had said to him in\u003cbr /\u003etheir voyage to Buenos Ayres, and of her wager that there was not a\u003cbr /\u003eperson on board the ship but had met with very great misfortunes. He\u003cbr /\u003edreamed of Pangloss at every adventure told to him.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;This Pangloss,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;would be puzzled to demonstrate his system. I\u003cbr /\u003ewish that he were here. Certainly, if all things are good, it is in El\u003cbr /\u003eDorado and not in the rest of the world.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt length he made choice of a poor man of letters, who had worked ten\u003cbr /\u003eyears for the booksellers of Amsterdam. He judged that there was not in\u003cbr /\u003ethe whole world a trade which could disgust one more.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThis philosopher was an honest man; but he had been robbed by his wife,\u003cbr /\u003ebeaten by his son, and abandoned by his daughter who got a Portuguese to\u003cbr /\u003erun away with her. He had just been deprived of a small employment, on\u003cbr /\u003ewhich he subsisted; and he was persecuted by the preachers of Surinam,\u003cbr /\u003ewho took him for a Socinian. We must allow that the others were at least\u003cbr /\u003eas wretched as he; but Candide hoped that the philosopher would\u003cbr /\u003eentertain him during the voyage. All the other candidates complained\u003cbr /\u003ethat Candide had done them great injustice; but he appeased them by\u003cbr /\u003egiving one hundred piastres to each.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXX\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWHAT HAPPENED AT SEA TO CANDIDE AND MARTIN.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe old philosopher, whose name was Martin, embarked then with Candide\u003cbr /\u003efor Bordeaux. They had both seen and suffered a great deal; and if the\u003cbr /\u003evessel had sailed from Surinam to Japan, by the Cape of Good Hope, the\u003cbr /\u003esubject of moral and natural evil would have enabled them to entertain\u003cbr /\u003eone another during the whole voyage.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, however, had one great advantage over Martin, in that he always\u003cbr /\u003ehoped to see Miss Cunegonde; whereas Martin had nothing at all to hope.\u003cbr /\u003eBesides, Candide was possessed of money and jewels, and though he had\u003cbr /\u003elost one hundred large red sheep, laden with the greatest treasure upon\u003cbr /\u003eearth; though the knavery of the Dutch skipper still sat heavy upon his\u003cbr /\u003emind; yet when he reflected upon what he had still left, and when he\u003cbr /\u003ementioned the name of Cunegonde, especially towards the latter end of a\u003cbr /\u003erepast, he inclined to Pangloss\u0026#39;s doctrine.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But you, Mr. Martin,\u0026quot; said he to the philosopher, \u0026quot;what do you think\u003cbr /\u003eof all this? what are your ideas on moral and natural evil?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Sir,\u0026quot; answered Martin, \u0026quot;our priests accused me of being a Socinian, but\u003cbr /\u003ethe real fact is I am a Manichean.\u0026quot;[21]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You jest,\u0026quot; said Candide; \u0026quot;there are no longer Manicheans in the world.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am one,\u0026quot; said Martin. \u0026quot;I cannot help it; I know not how to think\u003cbr /\u003eotherwise.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Surely you must be possessed by the devil,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;He is so deeply concerned in the affairs of this world,\u0026quot; answered\u003cbr /\u003eMartin, \u0026quot;that he may very well be in me, as well as in everybody else;\u003cbr /\u003ebut I own to you that when I cast an eye on this globe, or rather on\u003cbr /\u003ethis little ball, I cannot help thinking that God has abandoned it to\u003cbr /\u003esome malignant being. I except, always, El Dorado. I scarcely ever knew\u003cbr /\u003ea city that did not desire the destruction of a neighbouring city, nor a\u003cbr /\u003efamily that did not wish to exterminate some other family. Everywhere\u003cbr /\u003ethe weak execrate the powerful, before whom they cringe; and the\u003cbr /\u003epowerful beat them like sheep whose wool and flesh they sell. A million\u003cbr /\u003eregimented assassins, from one extremity of Europe to the other, get\u003cbr /\u003etheir bread by disciplined depredation and murder, for want of more\u003cbr /\u003ehonest employment. Even in those cities which seem to enjoy peace, and\u003cbr /\u003ewhere the arts flourish, the inhabitants are devoured by more envy,\u003cbr /\u003ecare, and uneasiness than are experienced by a besieged town. Secret\u003cbr /\u003egriefs are more cruel than public calamities. In a word I have seen so\u003cbr /\u003emuch, and experienced so much that I am a Manichean.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There are, however, some things good,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;That may be,\u0026quot; said Martin; \u0026quot;but I know them not.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIn the middle of this dispute they heard the report of cannon; it\u003cbr /\u003eredoubled every instant. Each took out his glass. They saw two ships in\u003cbr /\u003eclose fight about three miles off. The wind brought both so near to the\u003cbr /\u003eFrench vessel that our travellers had the pleasure of seeing the fight\u003cbr /\u003eat their ease. At length one let off a broadside, so low and so truly\u003cbr /\u003eaimed, that the other sank to the bottom. Candide and Martin could\u003cbr /\u003eplainly perceive a hundred men on the deck of the sinking vessel; they\u003cbr /\u003eraised their hands to heaven and uttered terrible outcries, and the next\u003cbr /\u003emoment were swallowed up by the sea.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;this is how men treat one another.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is true,\u0026quot; said Candide; \u0026quot;there is something diabolical in this\u003cbr /\u003eaffair.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhile speaking, he saw he knew not what, of a shining red, swimming\u003cbr /\u003eclose to the vessel. They put out the long-boat to see what it could\u003cbr /\u003ebe: it was one of his sheep! Candide was more rejoiced at the recovery\u003cbr /\u003eof this one sheep than he had been grieved at the loss of the hundred\u003cbr /\u003eladen with the large diamonds of El Dorado.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe French captain soon saw that the captain of the victorious vessel\u003cbr /\u003ewas a Spaniard, and that the other was a Dutch pirate, and the very same\u003cbr /\u003eone who had robbed Candide. The immense plunder which this villain had\u003cbr /\u003eamassed, was buried with him in the sea, and out of the whole only one\u003cbr /\u003esheep was saved.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You see,\u0026quot; said Candide to Martin, \u0026quot;that crime is sometimes punished.\u003cbr /\u003eThis rogue of a Dutch skipper has met with the fate he deserved.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes,\u0026quot; said Martin; \u0026quot;but why should the passengers be doomed also to\u003cbr /\u003edestruction? God has punished the knave, and the devil has drowned the\u003cbr /\u003erest.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe French and Spanish ships continued their course, and Candide\u003cbr /\u003econtinued his conversation with Martin. They disputed fifteen successive\u003cbr /\u003edays, and on the last of those fifteen days, they were as far advanced\u003cbr /\u003eas on the first. But, however, they chatted, they communicated ideas,\u003cbr /\u003ethey consoled each other. Candide caressed his sheep.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Since I have found thee again,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;I may likewise chance to find\u003cbr /\u003emy Cunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXI\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCANDIDE AND MARTIN, REASONING, DRAW NEAR THE COAST OF FRANCE.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt length they descried the coast of France.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Were you ever in France, Mr. Martin?\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;I have been in several provinces. In some one-half\u003cbr /\u003eof the people are fools, in others they are too cunning; in some they\u003cbr /\u003eare weak and simple, in others they affect to be witty; in all, the\u003cbr /\u003eprincipal occupation is love, the next is slander, and the third is\u003cbr /\u003etalking nonsense.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But, Mr. Martin, have you seen Paris?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes, I have. All these kinds are found there. It is a chaos–a confused\u003cbr /\u003emultitude, where everybody seeks pleasure and scarcely any one finds it,\u003cbr /\u003eat least as it appeared to me. I made a short stay there. On my arrival\u003cbr /\u003eI was robbed of all I had by pickpockets at the fair of St. Germain. I\u003cbr /\u003emyself was taken for a robber and was imprisoned for eight days, after\u003cbr /\u003ewhich I served as corrector of the press to gain the money necessary for\u003cbr /\u003emy return to Holland on foot. I knew the whole scribbling rabble, the\u003cbr /\u003eparty rabble, the fanatic rabble. It is said that there are very polite\u003cbr /\u003epeople in that city, and I wish to believe it.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;For my part, I have no curiosity to see France,\u0026quot; said Candide. \u0026quot;You may\u003cbr /\u003eeasily imagine that after spending a month at El Dorado I can desire to\u003cbr /\u003ebehold nothing upon earth but Miss Cunegonde. I go to await her at\u003cbr /\u003eVenice. We shall pass through France on our way to Italy. Will you bear\u003cbr /\u003eme company?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;With all my heart,\u0026quot; said Martin. \u0026quot;It is said that Venice is fit only\u003cbr /\u003efor its own nobility, but that strangers meet with a very good reception\u003cbr /\u003eif they have a good deal of money. I have none of it; you have,\u003cbr /\u003etherefore I will follow you all over the world.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But do you believe,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;that the earth was originally a\u003cbr /\u003esea, as we find it asserted in that large book belonging to the\u003cbr /\u003ecaptain?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I do not believe a word of it,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;any more than I do of the\u003cbr /\u003emany ravings which have been published lately.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But for what end, then, has this world been formed?\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;To plague us to death,\u0026quot; answered Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Are you not greatly surprised,\u0026quot; continued Candide, \u0026quot;at the love which\u003cbr /\u003ethese two girls of the Oreillons had for those monkeys, of which I have\u003cbr /\u003ealready told you?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Not at all,\u0026quot; said Martin. \u0026quot;I do not see that that passion was strange.\u003cbr /\u003eI have seen so many extraordinary things that I have ceased to be\u003cbr /\u003esurprised.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Do you believe,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;that men have always massacred each\u003cbr /\u003eother as they do to-day, that they have always been liars, cheats,\u003cbr /\u003etraitors, ingrates, brigands, idiots, thieves, scoundrels, gluttons,\u003cbr /\u003edrunkards, misers, envious, ambitious, bloody-minded, calumniators,\u003cbr /\u003edebauchees, fanatics, hypocrites, and fools?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Do you believe,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;that hawks have always eaten pigeons\u003cbr /\u003ewhen they have found them?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes, without doubt,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well, then,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;if hawks have always had the same character\u003cbr /\u003ewhy should you imagine that men may have changed theirs?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh!\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;there is a vast deal of difference, for free\u003cbr /\u003ewill—-\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAnd reasoning thus they arrived at Bordeaux.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWHAT HAPPENED IN FRANCE TO CANDIDE AND MARTIN.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide stayed in Bordeaux no longer than was necessary for the selling\u003cbr /\u003eof a few of the pebbles of El Dorado, and for hiring a good chaise to\u003cbr /\u003ehold two passengers; for he could not travel without his Philosopher\u003cbr /\u003eMartin. He was only vexed at parting with his sheep, which he left to\u003cbr /\u003ethe Bordeaux Academy of Sciences, who set as a subject for that year\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003eprize, \u0026quot;to find why this sheep\u0026#39;s wool was red;\u0026quot; and the prize was\u003cbr /\u003eawarded to a learned man of the North, who demonstrated by A plus B\u003cbr /\u003eminus C divided by Z, that the sheep must be red, and die of the rot.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eMeanwhile, all the travellers whom Candide met in the inns along his\u003cbr /\u003eroute, said to him, \u0026quot;We go to Paris.\u0026quot; This general eagerness at length\u003cbr /\u003egave him, too, a desire to see this capital; and it was not so very\u003cbr /\u003egreat a _d\u0026#233;tour_ from the road to Venice.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe entered Paris by the suburb of St. Marceau, and fancied that he was\u003cbr /\u003ein the dirtiest village of Westphalia.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eScarcely was Candide arrived at his inn, than he found himself attacked\u003cbr /\u003eby a slight illness, caused by fatigue. As he had a very large diamond\u003cbr /\u003eon his finger, and the people of the inn had taken notice of a\u003cbr /\u003eprodigiously heavy box among his baggage, there were two physicians to\u003cbr /\u003eattend him, though he had never sent for them, and two devotees who\u003cbr /\u003ewarmed his broths.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I remember,\u0026quot; Martin said, \u0026quot;also to have been sick at Paris in my first\u003cbr /\u003evoyage; I was very poor, thus I had neither friends, devotees, nor\u003cbr /\u003edoctors, and I recovered.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHowever, what with physic and bleeding, Candide\u0026#39;s illness became\u003cbr /\u003eserious. A parson of the neighborhood came with great meekness to ask\u003cbr /\u003efor a bill for the other world payable to the bearer. Candide would do\u003cbr /\u003enothing for him; but the devotees assured him it was the new fashion. He\u003cbr /\u003eanswered that he was not a man of fashion. Martin wished to throw the\u003cbr /\u003epriest out of the window. The priest swore that they would not bury\u003cbr /\u003eCandide. Martin swore that he would bury the priest if he continued to\u003cbr /\u003ebe troublesome. The quarrel grew heated. Martin took him by the\u003cbr /\u003eshoulders and roughly turned him out of doors; which occasioned great\u003cbr /\u003escandal and a law-suit.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide got well again, and during his convalescence he had very good\u003cbr /\u003ecompany to sup with him. They played high. Candide wondered why it was\u003cbr /\u003ethat the ace never came to him; but Martin was not at all astonished.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAmong those who did him the honours of the town was a little Abb\u0026#233; of\u003cbr /\u003ePerigord, one of those busybodies who are ever alert, officious,\u003cbr /\u003eforward, fawning, and complaisant; who watch for strangers in their\u003cbr /\u003epassage through the capital, tell them the scandalous history of the\u003cbr /\u003etown, and offer them pleasure at all prices. He first took Candide and\u003cbr /\u003eMartin to La Com\u0026#233;die, where they played a new tragedy. Candide happened\u003cbr /\u003eto be seated near some of the fashionable wits. This did not prevent his\u003cbr /\u003eshedding tears at the well-acted scenes. One of these critics at his\u003cbr /\u003eside said to him between the acts:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Your tears are misplaced; that is a shocking actress; the actor who\u003cbr /\u003eplays with her is yet worse; and the play is still worse than the\u003cbr /\u003eactors. The author does not know a word of Arabic, yet the scene is in\u003cbr /\u003eArabia; moreover he is a man that does not believe in innate ideas; and\u003cbr /\u003eI will bring you, to-morrow, twenty pamphlets written against him.\u0026quot;[22]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;How many dramas have you in France, sir?\u0026quot; said Candide to the Abb\u0026#233;.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Five or six thousand.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What a number!\u0026quot; said Candide. \u0026quot;How many good?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Fifteen or sixteen,\u0026quot; replied the other.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What a number!\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide was very pleased with an actress who played Queen Elizabeth in a\u003cbr /\u003esomewhat insipid tragedy[23] sometimes acted.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;That actress,\u0026quot; said he to Martin, \u0026quot;pleases me much; she has a likeness\u003cbr /\u003eto Miss Cunegonde; I should be very glad to wait upon her.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Perigordian Abb\u0026#233; offered to introduce him. Candide, brought up in\u003cbr /\u003eGermany, asked what was the etiquette, and how they treated queens of\u003cbr /\u003eEngland in France.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is necessary to make distinctions,\u0026quot; said the Abb\u0026#233;. \u0026quot;In the provinces\u003cbr /\u003eone takes them to the inn; in Paris, one respects them when they are\u003cbr /\u003ebeautiful, and throws them on the highway when they are dead.\u0026quot;[24]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Queens on the highway!\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes, truly,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;the Abb\u0026#233; is right. I was in Paris when Miss\u003cbr /\u003eMonime passed, as the saying is, from this life to the other. She was\u003cbr /\u003erefused what people call the _honours of sepulture_–that is to say, of\u003cbr /\u003erotting with all the beggars of the neighbourhood in an ugly cemetery;\u003cbr /\u003eshe was interred all alone by her company at the corner of the Rue de\u003cbr /\u003eBourgogne, which ought to trouble her much, for she thought nobly.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;That was very uncivil,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What would you have?\u0026quot; said Martin; \u0026quot;these people are made thus. Imagine\u003cbr /\u003eall contradictions, all possible incompatibilities–you will find them\u003cbr /\u003ein the government, in the law-courts, in the churches, in the public\u003cbr /\u003eshows of this droll nation.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Is it true that they always laugh in Paris?\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes,\u0026quot; said the Abb\u0026#233;, \u0026quot;but it means nothing, for they complain of\u003cbr /\u003eeverything with great fits of laughter; they even do the most detestable\u003cbr /\u003ethings while laughing.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Who,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;is that great pig who spoke so ill of the piece at\u003cbr /\u003ewhich I wept, and of the actors who gave me so much pleasure?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;He is a bad character,\u0026quot; answered the Abb\u0026#233;, \u0026quot;who gains his livelihood by\u003cbr /\u003esaying evil of all plays and of all books. He hates whatever succeeds,\u003cbr /\u003eas the eunuchs hate those who enjoy; he is one of the serpents of\u003cbr /\u003eliterature who nourish themselves on dirt and spite; he is a\u003cbr /\u003e_folliculaire_.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What is a _folliculaire_?\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is,\u0026quot; said the Abb\u0026#233;, \u0026quot;a pamphleteer–a Fr\u0026#233;ron.\u0026quot;[25]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThus Candide, Martin, and the Perigordian conversed on the staircase,\u003cbr /\u003ewhile watching every one go out after the performance.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Although I am eager to see Cunegonde again,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;I should\u003cbr /\u003elike to sup with Miss Clairon, for she appears to me admirable.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Abb\u0026#233; was not the man to approach Miss Clairon, who saw only good\u003cbr /\u003ecompany.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;She is engaged for this evening,\u0026quot; he said, \u0026quot;but I shall have the honour\u003cbr /\u003eto take you to the house of a lady of quality, and there you will know\u003cbr /\u003eParis as if you had lived in it for years.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, who was naturally curious, let himself be taken to this lady\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003ehouse, at the end of the Faubourg St. Honor\u0026#233;. The company was occupied\u003cbr /\u003ein playing faro; a dozen melancholy punters held each in his hand a\u003cbr /\u003elittle pack of cards; a bad record of his misfortunes. Profound silence\u003cbr /\u003ereigned; pallor was on the faces of the punters, anxiety on that of the\u003cbr /\u003ebanker, and the hostess, sitting near the unpitying banker, noticed with\u003cbr /\u003elynx-eyes all the doubled and other increased stakes, as each player\u003cbr /\u003edog\u0026#39;s-eared his cards; she made them turn down the edges again with\u003cbr /\u003esevere, but polite attention; she showed no vexation for fear of losing\u003cbr /\u003eher customers. The lady insisted upon being called the Marchioness of\u003cbr /\u003eParolignac. Her daughter, aged fifteen, was among the punters, and\u003cbr /\u003enotified with a covert glance the cheatings of the poor people who\u003cbr /\u003etried to repair the cruelties of fate. The Perigordian Abb\u0026#233;, Candide and\u003cbr /\u003eMartin entered; no one rose, no one saluted them, no one looked at them;\u003cbr /\u003eall were profoundly occupied with their cards.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;The Baroness of Thunder-ten-Tronckh was more polite,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHowever, the Abb\u0026#233; whispered to the Marchioness, who half rose, honoured\u003cbr /\u003eCandide with a gracious smile, and Martin with a condescending nod; she\u003cbr /\u003egave a seat and a pack of cards to Candide, who lost fifty thousand\u003cbr /\u003efrancs in two deals, after which they supped very gaily, and every one\u003cbr /\u003ewas astonished that Candide was not moved by his loss; the servants said\u003cbr /\u003eamong themselves, in the language of servants:–\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Some English lord is here this evening.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe supper passed at first like most Parisian suppers, in silence,\u003cbr /\u003efollowed by a noise of words which could not be distinguished, then with\u003cbr /\u003epleasantries of which most were insipid, with false news, with bad\u003cbr /\u003ereasoning, a little politics, and much evil speaking; they also\u003cbr /\u003ediscussed new books.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Have you seen,\u0026quot; said the Perigordian Abb\u0026#233;, \u0026quot;the romance of Sieur\u003cbr /\u003eGauchat, doctor of divinity?\u0026quot;[26]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes,\u0026quot; answered one of the guests, \u0026quot;but I have not been able to finish\u003cbr /\u003eit. We have a crowd of silly writings, but all together do not approach\u003cbr /\u003ethe impertinence of \u0026#39;Gauchat, Doctor of Divinity.\u0026#39; I am so satiated with\u003cbr /\u003ethe great number of detestable books with which we are inundated that I\u003cbr /\u003eam reduced to punting at faro.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And the _M\u0026#233;langes_ of Archdeacon Trublet,[27] what do you say of that?\u0026quot;\u003cbr /\u003esaid the Abb\u0026#233;.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah!\u0026quot; said the Marchioness of Parolignac, \u0026quot;the wearisome mortal! How\u003cbr /\u003ecuriously he repeats to you all that the world knows! How heavily he\u003cbr /\u003ediscusses that which is not worth the trouble of lightly remarking upon!\u003cbr /\u003eHow, without wit, he appropriates the wit of others! How he spoils what\u003cbr /\u003ehe steals! How he disgusts me! But he will disgust me no longer–it is\u003cbr /\u003eenough to have read a few of the Archdeacon\u0026#39;s pages.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThere was at table a wise man of taste, who supported the Marchioness.\u003cbr /\u003eThey spoke afterwards of tragedies; the lady asked why there were\u003cbr /\u003etragedies which were sometimes played and which could not be read. The\u003cbr /\u003eman of taste explained very well how a piece could have some interest,\u003cbr /\u003eand have almost no merit; he proved in few words that it was not enough\u003cbr /\u003eto introduce one or two of those situations which one finds in all\u003cbr /\u003eromances, and which always seduce the spectator, but that it was\u003cbr /\u003enecessary to be new without being odd, often sublime and always\u003cbr /\u003enatural, to know the human heart and to make it speak; to be a great\u003cbr /\u003epoet without allowing any person in the piece to appear to be a poet; to\u003cbr /\u003eknow language perfectly–to speak it with purity, with continuous\u003cbr /\u003eharmony and without rhythm ever taking anything from sense.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Whoever,\u0026quot; added he, \u0026quot;does not observe all these rules can produce one\u003cbr /\u003eor two tragedies, applauded at a theatre, but he will never be counted\u003cbr /\u003ein the ranks of good writers. There are very few good tragedies; some\u003cbr /\u003eare idylls in dialogue, well written and well rhymed, others political\u003cbr /\u003ereasonings which lull to sleep, or amplifications which repel; others\u003cbr /\u003edemoniac dreams in barbarous style, interrupted in sequence, with long\u003cbr /\u003eapostrophes to the gods, because they do not know how to speak to men,\u003cbr /\u003ewith false maxims, with bombastic commonplaces!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide listened with attention to this discourse, and conceived a great\u003cbr /\u003eidea of the speaker, and as the Marchioness had taken care to place him\u003cbr /\u003ebeside her, he leaned towards her and took the liberty of asking who was\u003cbr /\u003ethe man who had spoken so well.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;He is a scholar,\u0026quot; said the lady, \u0026quot;who does not play, whom the Abb\u0026#233;\u003cbr /\u003esometimes brings to supper; he is perfectly at home among tragedies and\u003cbr /\u003ebooks, and he has written a tragedy which was hissed, and a book of\u003cbr /\u003ewhich nothing has ever been seen outside his bookseller\u0026#39;s shop\u003cbr /\u003eexcepting the copy which he dedicated to me.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;The great man!\u0026quot; said Candide. \u0026quot;He is another Pangloss!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThen, turning towards him, he said:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Sir, you think doubtless that all is for the best in the moral and\u003cbr /\u003ephysical world, and that nothing could be otherwise than it is?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I, sir!\u0026quot; answered the scholar, \u0026quot;I know nothing of all that; I find that\u003cbr /\u003eall goes awry with me; that no one knows either what is his rank, nor\u003cbr /\u003ewhat is his condition, what he does nor what he ought to do; and that\u003cbr /\u003eexcept supper, which is always gay, and where there appears to be enough\u003cbr /\u003econcord, all the rest of the time is passed in impertinent quarrels;\u003cbr /\u003eJansenist against Molinist, Parliament against the Church, men of\u003cbr /\u003eletters against men of letters, courtesans against courtesans,\u003cbr /\u003efinanciers against the people, wives against husbands, relatives against\u003cbr /\u003erelatives–it is eternal war.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I have seen the worst,\u0026quot; Candide replied. \u0026quot;But a wise man, who since has\u003cbr /\u003ehad the misfortune to be hanged, taught me that all is marvellously\u003cbr /\u003ewell; these are but the shadows on a beautiful picture.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Your hanged man mocked the world,\u0026quot; said Martin. \u0026quot;The shadows are\u003cbr /\u003ehorrible blots.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;They are men who make the blots,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;and they cannot be\u003cbr /\u003edispensed with.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is not their fault then,\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eMost of the punters, who understood nothing of this language, drank, and\u003cbr /\u003eMartin reasoned with the scholar, and Candide related some of his\u003cbr /\u003eadventures to his hostess.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAfter supper the Marchioness took Candide into her boudoir, and made him\u003cbr /\u003esit upon a sofa.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah, well!\u0026quot; said she to him, \u0026quot;you love desperately Miss Cunegonde of\u003cbr /\u003eThunder-ten-Tronckh?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes, madame,\u0026quot; answered Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Marchioness replied to him with a tender smile:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You answer me like a young man from Westphalia. A Frenchman would have\u003cbr /\u003esaid, \u0026#39;It is true that I have loved Miss Cunegonde, but seeing you,\u003cbr /\u003emadame, I think I no longer love her.\u0026#39;\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas! madame,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;I will answer you as you wish.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Your passion for her,\u0026quot; said the Marchioness, \u0026quot;commenced by picking up\u003cbr /\u003eher handkerchief. I wish that you would pick up my garter.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;With all my heart,\u0026quot; said Candide. And he picked it up.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But I wish that you would put it on,\u0026quot; said the lady.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAnd Candide put it on.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You see,\u0026quot; said she, \u0026quot;you are a foreigner. I sometimes make my Parisian\u003cbr /\u003elovers languish for fifteen days, but I give myself to you the first\u003cbr /\u003enight because one must do the honours of one\u0026#39;s country to a young man\u003cbr /\u003efrom Westphalia.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe lady having perceived two enormous diamonds upon the hands of the\u003cbr /\u003eyoung foreigner praised them with such good faith that from Candide\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003efingers they passed to her own.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, returning with the Perigordian Abb\u0026#233;, felt some remorse in\u003cbr /\u003ehaving been unfaithful to Miss Cunegonde. The Abb\u0026#233; sympathised in his\u003cbr /\u003etrouble; he had had but a light part of the fifty thousand francs lost\u003cbr /\u003eat play and of the value of the two brilliants, half given, half\u003cbr /\u003eextorted. His design was to profit as much as he could by the advantages\u003cbr /\u003ewhich the acquaintance of Candide could procure for him. He spoke much\u003cbr /\u003eof Cunegonde, and Candide told him that he should ask forgiveness of\u003cbr /\u003ethat beautiful one for his infidelity when he should see her in Venice.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Abb\u0026#233; redoubled his politeness and attentions, and took a tender\u003cbr /\u003einterest in all that Candide said, in all that he did, in all that he\u003cbr /\u003ewished to do.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And so, sir, you have a rendezvous at Venice?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes, monsieur Abb\u0026#233;,\u0026quot; answered Candide. \u0026quot;It is absolutely necessary\u003cbr /\u003ethat I go to meet Miss Cunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAnd then the pleasure of talking of that which he loved induced him to\u003cbr /\u003erelate, according to his custom, part of his adventures with the fair\u003cbr /\u003eWestphalian.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I believe,\u0026quot; said the Abb\u0026#233;, \u0026quot;that Miss Cunegonde has a great deal of\u003cbr /\u003ewit, and that she writes charming letters?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I have never received any from her,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;for being expelled\u003cbr /\u003efrom the castle on her account I had not an opportunity for writing to\u003cbr /\u003eher. Soon after that I heard she was dead; then I found her alive; then\u003cbr /\u003eI lost her again; and last of all, I sent an express to her two thousand\u003cbr /\u003efive hundred leagues from here, and I wait for an answer.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Abb\u0026#233; listened attentively, and seemed to be in a brown study. He\u003cbr /\u003esoon took his leave of the two foreigners after a most tender embrace.\u003cbr /\u003eThe following day Candide received, on awaking, a letter couched in\u003cbr /\u003ethese terms:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My very dear love, for eight days I have been ill in this town. I learn\u003cbr /\u003ethat you are here. I would fly to your arms if I could but move. I was\u003cbr /\u003einformed of your passage at Bordeaux, where I left faithful Cacambo and\u003cbr /\u003ethe old woman, who are to follow me very soon. The Governor of Buenos\u003cbr /\u003eAyres has taken all, but there remains to me your heart. Come! your\u003cbr /\u003epresence will either give me life or kill me with pleasure.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThis charming, this unhoped-for letter transported Candide with an\u003cbr /\u003einexpressible joy, and the illness of his dear Cunegonde overwhelmed him\u003cbr /\u003ewith grief. Divided between those two passions, he took his gold and his\u003cbr /\u003ediamonds and hurried away, with Martin, to the hotel where Miss\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde was lodged. He entered her room trembling, his heart\u003cbr /\u003epalpitating, his voice sobbing; he wished to open the curtains of the\u003cbr /\u003ebed, and asked for a light.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Take care what you do,\u0026quot; said the servant-maid; \u0026quot;the light hurts her,\u0026quot;\u003cbr /\u003eand immediately she drew the curtain again.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My dear Cunegonde,\u0026quot; said Candide, weeping, \u0026quot;how are you? If you cannot\u003cbr /\u003esee me, at least speak to me.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;She cannot speak,\u0026quot; said the maid.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe lady then put a plump hand out from the bed, and Candide bathed it\u003cbr /\u003ewith his tears and afterwards filled it with diamonds, leaving a bag of\u003cbr /\u003egold upon the easy chair.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIn the midst of these transports in came an officer, followed by the\u003cbr /\u003eAbb\u0026#233; and a file of soldiers.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;are the two suspected foreigners,\u0026quot; and at the same\u003cbr /\u003etime he ordered them to be seized and carried to prison.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Travellers are not treated thus in El Dorado,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am more a Manichean now than ever,\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But pray, sir, where are you going to carry us?\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;To a dungeon,\u0026quot; answered the officer.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eMartin, having recovered himself a little, judged that the lady who\u003cbr /\u003eacted the part of Cunegonde was a cheat, that the Perigordian Abb\u0026#233; was a\u003cbr /\u003eknave who had imposed upon the honest simplicity of Candide, and that\u003cbr /\u003ethe officer was another knave whom they might easily silence.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, advised by Martin and impatient to see the real Cunegonde,\u003cbr /\u003erather than expose himself before a court of justice, proposed to the\u003cbr /\u003eofficer to give him three small diamonds, each worth about three\u003cbr /\u003ethousand pistoles.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah, sir,\u0026quot; said the man with the ivory baton, \u0026quot;had you committed all the\u003cbr /\u003eimaginable crimes you would be to me the most honest man in the world.\u003cbr /\u003eThree diamonds! Each worth three thousand pistoles! Sir, instead of\u003cbr /\u003ecarrying you to jail I would lose my life to serve you. There are orders\u003cbr /\u003efor arresting all foreigners, but leave it to me. I have a brother at\u003cbr /\u003eDieppe in Normandy! I\u0026#39;ll conduct you thither, and if you have a diamond\u003cbr /\u003eto give him he\u0026#39;ll take as much care of you as I would.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And why,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;should all foreigners be arrested?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is,\u0026quot; the Perigordian Abb\u0026#233; then made answer, \u0026quot;because a poor beggar\u003cbr /\u003eof the country of Atr\u0026#233;batie[28] heard some foolish things said. This\u003cbr /\u003einduced him to commit a parricide, not such as that of 1610 in the month\u003cbr /\u003eof May,[29] but such as that of 1594 in the month of December,[30] and\u003cbr /\u003esuch as others which have been committed in other years and other months\u003cbr /\u003eby other poor devils who had heard nonsense spoken.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe officer then explained what the Abb\u0026#233; meant.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah, the monsters!\u0026quot; cried Candide. \u0026quot;What horrors among a people who\u003cbr /\u003edance and sing! Is there no way of getting quickly out of this country\u003cbr /\u003ewhere monkeys provoke tigers? I have seen no bears in my country, but\u003cbr /\u003e_men_ I have beheld nowhere except in El Dorado. In the name of God,\u003cbr /\u003esir, conduct me to Venice, where I am to await Miss Cunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I can conduct you no further than lower Normandy,\u0026quot; said the officer.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eImmediately he ordered his irons to be struck off, acknowledged himself\u003cbr /\u003emistaken, sent away his men, set out with Candide and Martin for Dieppe,\u003cbr /\u003eand left them in the care of his brother.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThere was then a small Dutch ship in the harbour. The Norman, who by the\u003cbr /\u003evirtue of three more diamonds had become the most subservient of men,\u003cbr /\u003eput Candide and his attendants on board a vessel that was just ready to\u003cbr /\u003eset sail for Portsmouth in England.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThis was not the way to Venice, but Candide thought he had made his way\u003cbr /\u003eout of hell, and reckoned that he would soon have an opportunity for\u003cbr /\u003eresuming his journey.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXIII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCANDIDE AND MARTIN TOUCHED UPON THE COAST OF ENGLAND, AND WHAT THEY SAW\u003cbr /\u003eTHERE.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah, Pangloss! Pangloss! Ah, Martin! Martin! Ah, my dear Cunegonde, what\u003cbr /\u003esort of a world is this?\u0026quot; said Candide on board the Dutch ship.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Something very foolish and abominable,\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You know England? Are they as foolish there as in France?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is another kind of folly,\u0026quot; said Martin. \u0026quot;You know that these two\u003cbr /\u003enations are at war for a few acres of snow in Canada,[31] and that they\u003cbr /\u003espend over this beautiful war much more than Canada is worth. To tell\u003cbr /\u003eyou exactly, whether there are more people fit to send to a madhouse in\u003cbr /\u003eone country than the other, is what my imperfect intelligence will not\u003cbr /\u003epermit. I only know in general that the people we are going to see are\u003cbr /\u003every atrabilious.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eTalking thus they arrived at Portsmouth. The coast was lined with crowds\u003cbr /\u003eof people, whose eyes were fixed on a fine man kneeling, with his eyes\u003cbr /\u003ebandaged, on board one of the men of war in the harbour. Four soldiers\u003cbr /\u003estood opposite to this man; each of them fired three balls at his head,\u003cbr /\u003ewith all the calmness in the world; and the whole assembly went away\u003cbr /\u003every well satisfied.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What is all this?\u0026quot; said Candide; \u0026quot;and what demon is it that exercises\u003cbr /\u003ehis empire in this country?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe then asked who was that fine man who had been killed with so much\u003cbr /\u003eceremony. They answered, he was an Admiral.[32]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And why kill this Admiral?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is because he did not kill a sufficient number of men himself. He\u003cbr /\u003egave battle to a French Admiral; and it has been proved that he was not\u003cbr /\u003enear enough to him.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But,\u0026quot; replied Candide, \u0026quot;the French Admiral was as far from the English\u003cbr /\u003eAdmiral.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There is no doubt of it; but in this country it is found good, from\u003cbr /\u003etime to time, to kill one Admiral to encourage the others.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide was so shocked and bewildered by what he saw and heard, that he\u003cbr /\u003ewould not set foot on shore, and he made a bargain with the Dutch\u003cbr /\u003eskipper (were he even to rob him like the Surinam captain) to conduct\u003cbr /\u003ehim without delay to Venice.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe skipper was ready in two days. They coasted France; they passed in\u003cbr /\u003esight of Lisbon, and Candide trembled. They passed through the Straits,\u003cbr /\u003eand entered the Mediterranean. At last they landed at Venice.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;God be praised!\u0026quot; said Candide, embracing Martin. \u0026quot;It is here that I\u003cbr /\u003eshall see again my beautiful Cunegonde. I trust Cacambo as myself. All\u003cbr /\u003eis well, all will be well, all goes as well as possible.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXIV\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eOF PAQUETTE AND FRIAR GIROFL\u0026#201;E.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eUpon their arrival at Venice, Candide went to search for Cacambo at\u003cbr /\u003eevery inn and coffee-house, and among all the ladies of pleasure, but to\u003cbr /\u003eno purpose. He sent every day to inquire on all the ships that came in.\u003cbr /\u003eBut there was no news of Cacambo.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What!\u0026quot; said he to Martin, \u0026quot;I have had time to voyage from Surinam to\u003cbr /\u003eBordeaux, to go from Bordeaux to Paris, from Paris to Dieppe, from\u003cbr /\u003eDieppe to Portsmouth, to coast along Portugal and Spain, to cross the\u003cbr /\u003ewhole Mediterranean, to spend some months, and yet the beautiful\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde has not arrived! Instead of her I have only met a Parisian\u003cbr /\u003ewench and a Perigordian Abb\u0026#233;. Cunegonde is dead without doubt, and there\u003cbr /\u003eis nothing for me but to die. Alas! how much better it would have been\u003cbr /\u003efor me to have remained in the paradise of El Dorado than to come back\u003cbr /\u003eto this cursed Europe! You are in the right, my dear Martin: all is\u003cbr /\u003emisery and illusion.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHe fell into a deep melancholy, and neither went to see the opera, nor\u003cbr /\u003eany of the other diversions of the Carnival; nay, he was proof against\u003cbr /\u003ethe temptations of all the ladies.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You are in truth very simple,\u0026quot; said Martin to him, \u0026quot;if you imagine that\u003cbr /\u003ea mongrel valet, who has five or six millions in his pocket, will go to\u003cbr /\u003ethe other end of the world to seek your mistress and bring her to you to\u003cbr /\u003eVenice. If he find her, he will keep her to himself; if he do not find\u003cbr /\u003eher he will get another. I advise you to forget your valet Cacambo and\u003cbr /\u003eyour mistress Cunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eMartin was not consoling. Candide\u0026#39;s melancholy increased; and Martin\u003cbr /\u003econtinued to prove to him that there was very little virtue or happiness\u003cbr /\u003eupon earth, except perhaps in El Dorado, where nobody could gain\u003cbr /\u003eadmittance.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhile they were disputing on this important subject and waiting for\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde, Candide saw a young Theatin friar in St. Mark\u0026#39;s Piazza,\u003cbr /\u003eholding a girl on his arm. The Theatin looked fresh coloured, plump, and\u003cbr /\u003evigorous; his eyes were sparkling, his air assured, his look lofty, and\u003cbr /\u003ehis step bold. The girl was very pretty, and sang; she looked amorously\u003cbr /\u003eat her Theatin, and from time to time pinched his fat cheeks.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;At least you will allow me,\u0026quot; said Candide to Martin, \u0026quot;that these two\u003cbr /\u003eare happy. Hitherto I have met with none but unfortunate people in the\u003cbr /\u003ewhole habitable globe, except in El Dorado; but as to this pair, I would\u003cbr /\u003eventure to lay a wager that they are very happy.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I lay you they are not,\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We need only ask them to dine with us,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;and you will see\u003cbr /\u003ewhether I am mistaken.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eImmediately he accosted them, presented his compliments, and invited\u003cbr /\u003ethem to his inn to eat some macaroni, with Lombard partridges, and\u003cbr /\u003ecaviare, and to drink some Montepulciano, Lachrym\u0026#230; Christi, Cyprus and\u003cbr /\u003eSamos wine. The girl blushed, the Theatin accepted the invitation and\u003cbr /\u003eshe followed him, casting her eyes on Candide with confusion and\u003cbr /\u003esurprise, and dropping a few tears. No sooner had she set foot in\u003cbr /\u003eCandide\u0026#39;s apartment than she cried out:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah! Mr. Candide does not know Paquette again.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide had not viewed her as yet with attention, his thoughts being\u003cbr /\u003eentirely taken up with Cunegonde; but recollecting her as she spoke.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;my poor child, it is you who reduced Doctor Pangloss\u003cbr /\u003eto the beautiful condition in which I saw him?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas! it was I, sir, indeed,\u0026quot; answered Paquette. \u0026quot;I see that you have\u003cbr /\u003eheard all. I have been informed of the frightful disasters that befell\u003cbr /\u003ethe family of my lady Baroness, and the fair Cunegonde. I swear to you\u003cbr /\u003ethat my fate has been scarcely less sad. I was very innocent when you\u003cbr /\u003eknew me. A Grey Friar, who was my confessor, easily seduced me. The\u003cbr /\u003econsequences were terrible. I was obliged to quit the castle some time\u003cbr /\u003eafter the Baron had sent you away with kicks on the backside. If a\u003cbr /\u003efamous surgeon had not taken compassion on me, I should have died. For\u003cbr /\u003esome time I was this surgeon\u0026#39;s mistress, merely out of gratitude. His\u003cbr /\u003ewife, who was mad with jealousy, beat me every day unmercifully; she was\u003cbr /\u003ea fury. The surgeon was one of the ugliest of men, and I the most\u003cbr /\u003ewretched of women, to be continually beaten for a man I did not love.\u003cbr /\u003eYou know, sir, what a dangerous thing it is for an ill-natured woman to\u003cbr /\u003ebe married to a doctor. Incensed at the behaviour of his wife, he one\u003cbr /\u003eday gave her so effectual a remedy to cure her of a slight cold, that\u003cbr /\u003eshe died two hours after, in most horrid convulsions. The wife\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003erelations prosecuted the husband; he took flight, and I was thrown into\u003cbr /\u003ejail. My innocence would not have saved me if I had not been\u003cbr /\u003egood-looking. The judge set me free, on condition that he succeeded the\u003cbr /\u003esurgeon. I was soon supplanted by a rival, turned out of doors quite\u003cbr /\u003edestitute, and obliged to continue this abominable trade, which appears\u003cbr /\u003eso pleasant to you men, while to us women it is the utmost abyss of\u003cbr /\u003emisery. I have come to exercise the profession at Venice. Ah! sir, if\u003cbr /\u003eyou could only imagine what it is to be obliged to caress indifferently\u003cbr /\u003ean old merchant, a lawyer, a monk, a gondolier, an abb\u0026#233;, to be exposed\u003cbr /\u003eto abuse and insults; to be often reduced to borrowing a petticoat, only\u003cbr /\u003eto go and have it raised by a disagreeable man; to be robbed by one of\u003cbr /\u003ewhat one has earned from another; to be subject to the extortions of the\u003cbr /\u003eofficers of justice; and to have in prospect only a frightful old age, a\u003cbr /\u003ehospital, and a dung-hill; you would conclude that I am one of the most\u003cbr /\u003eunhappy creatures in the world.\u0026quot;[33]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003ePaquette thus opened her heart to honest Candide, in the presence of\u003cbr /\u003eMartin, who said to his friend:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You see that already I have won half the wager.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eFriar Girofl\u0026#233;e stayed in the dining-room, and drank a glass or two of\u003cbr /\u003ewine while he was waiting for dinner.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But,\u0026quot; said Candide to Paquette, \u0026quot;you looked so gay and content when I\u003cbr /\u003emet you; you sang and you behaved so lovingly to the Theatin, that you\u003cbr /\u003eseemed to me as happy as you pretend to be now the reverse.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah! sir,\u0026quot; answered Paquette, \u0026quot;this is one of the miseries of the trade.\u003cbr /\u003eYesterday I was robbed and beaten by an officer; yet to-day I must put\u003cbr /\u003eon good humour to please a friar.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide wanted no more convincing; he owned that Martin was in the\u003cbr /\u003eright. They sat down to table with Paquette and the Theatin; the repast\u003cbr /\u003ewas entertaining; and towards the end they conversed with all\u003cbr /\u003econfidence.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Father,\u0026quot; said Candide to the Friar, \u0026quot;you appear to me to enjoy a state\u003cbr /\u003ethat all the world might envy; the flower of health shines in your face,\u003cbr /\u003eyour expression makes plain your happiness; you have a very pretty girl\u003cbr /\u003efor your recreation, and you seem well satisfied with your state as a\u003cbr /\u003eTheatin.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My faith, sir,\u0026quot; said Friar Girofl\u0026#233;e, \u0026quot;I wish that all the Theatins were\u003cbr /\u003eat the bottom of the sea. I have been tempted a hundred times to set\u003cbr /\u003efire to the convent, and go and become a Turk. My parents forced me at\u003cbr /\u003ethe age of fifteen to put on this detestable habit, to increase the\u003cbr /\u003efortune of a cursed elder brother, whom God confound. Jealousy, discord,\u003cbr /\u003eand fury, dwell in the convent. It is true I have preached a few bad\u003cbr /\u003esermons that have brought me in a little money, of which the prior stole\u003cbr /\u003ehalf, while the rest serves to maintain my girls; but when I return at\u003cbr /\u003enight to the monastery, I am ready to dash my head against the walls of\u003cbr /\u003ethe dormitory; and all my fellows are in the same case.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eMartin turned towards Candide with his usual coolness.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;have I not won the whole wager?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide gave two thousand piastres to Paquette, and one thousand to\u003cbr /\u003eFriar Girofl\u0026#233;e.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I\u0026#39;ll answer for it,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;that with this they will be happy.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I do not believe it at all,\u0026quot; said Martin; \u0026quot;you will, perhaps, with\u003cbr /\u003ethese piastres only render them the more unhappy.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Let that be as it may,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;but one thing consoles me. I see\u003cbr /\u003ethat we often meet with those whom we expected never to see more; so\u003cbr /\u003ethat, perhaps, as I have found my red sheep and Paquette, it may well be\u003cbr /\u003ethat I shall also find Cunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I wish,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;she may one day make you very happy; but I doubt\u003cbr /\u003eit very much.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You are very hard of belief,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I have lived,\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You see those gondoliers,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;are they not perpetually\u003cbr /\u003esinging?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You do not see them,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;at home with their wives and brats.\u003cbr /\u003eThe Doge has his troubles, the gondoliers have theirs. It is true that,\u003cbr /\u003eall things considered, the life of a gondolier is preferable to that of\u003cbr /\u003ea Doge; but I believe the difference to be so trifling that it is not\u003cbr /\u003eworth the trouble of examining.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;People talk,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;of the Senator Pococurante, who lives in\u003cbr /\u003ethat fine palace on the Brenta, where he entertains foreigners in the\u003cbr /\u003epolitest manner. They pretend that this man has never felt any\u003cbr /\u003euneasiness.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I should be glad to see such a rarity,\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide immediately sent to ask the Lord Pococurante permission to wait\u003cbr /\u003eupon him the next day.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXV\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eTHE VISIT TO LORD POCOCURANTE, A NOBLE VENETIAN.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide and Martin went in a gondola on the Brenta, and arrived at the\u003cbr /\u003epalace of the noble Signor Pococurante. The gardens, laid out with\u003cbr /\u003etaste, were adorned with fine marble statues. The palace was beautifully\u003cbr /\u003ebuilt. The master of the house was a man of sixty, and very rich. He\u003cbr /\u003ereceived the two travellers with polite indifference, which put Candide\u003cbr /\u003ea little out of countenance, but was not at all disagreeable to Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eFirst, two pretty girls, very neatly dressed, served them with\u003cbr /\u003echocolate, which was frothed exceedingly well. Candide could not refrain\u003cbr /\u003efrom commending their beauty, grace, and address.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;They are good enough creatures,\u0026quot; said the Senator. \u0026quot;I make them lie\u003cbr /\u003ewith me sometimes, for I am very tired of the ladies of the town, of\u003cbr /\u003etheir coquetries, of their jealousies, of their quarrels, of their\u003cbr /\u003ehumours, of their pettinesses, of their prides, of their follies, and of\u003cbr /\u003ethe sonnets which one must make, or have made, for them. But after all,\u003cbr /\u003ethese two girls begin to weary me.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAfter breakfast, Candide walking into a long gallery was surprised by\u003cbr /\u003ethe beautiful pictures. He asked, by what master were the two first.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;They are by Raphael,\u0026quot; said the Senator. \u0026quot;I bought them at a great\u003cbr /\u003eprice, out of vanity, some years ago. They are said to be the finest\u003cbr /\u003ethings in Italy, but they do not please me at all. The colours are too\u003cbr /\u003edark, the figures are not sufficiently rounded, nor in good relief; the\u003cbr /\u003edraperies in no way resemble stuffs. In a word, whatever may be said, I\u003cbr /\u003edo not find there a true imitation of nature. I only care for a picture\u003cbr /\u003ewhen I think I see nature itself; and there are none of this sort. I\u003cbr /\u003ehave a great many pictures, but I prize them very little.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhile they were waiting for dinner Pococurante ordered a concert.\u003cbr /\u003eCandide found the music delicious.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;This noise,\u0026quot; said the Senator, \u0026quot;may amuse one for half an hour; but if\u003cbr /\u003eit were to last longer it would grow tiresome to everybody, though they\u003cbr /\u003edurst not own it. Music, to-day, is only the art of executing difficult\u003cbr /\u003ethings, and that which is only difficult cannot please long. Perhaps I\u003cbr /\u003eshould be fonder of the opera if they had not found the secret of making\u003cbr /\u003eof it a monster which shocks me. Let who will go to see bad tragedies\u003cbr /\u003eset to music, where the scenes are contrived for no other end than to\u003cbr /\u003eintroduce two or three songs ridiculously out of place, to show off an\u003cbr /\u003eactress\u0026#39;s voice. Let who will, or who can, die away with pleasure at the\u003cbr /\u003esight of an eunuch quavering the _r\u0026#244;le_ of C\u0026#230;sar, or of Cato, and\u003cbr /\u003estrutting awkwardly upon the stage. For my part I have long since\u003cbr /\u003erenounced those paltry entertainments which constitute the glory of\u003cbr /\u003emodern Italy, and are purchased so dearly by sovereigns.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide disputed the point a little, but with discretion. Martin was\u003cbr /\u003eentirely of the Senator\u0026#39;s opinion.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThey sat down to table, and after an excellent dinner they went into the\u003cbr /\u003elibrary. Candide, seeing a Homer magnificently bound, commended the\u003cbr /\u003evirtuoso on his good taste.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;is a book that was once the delight of the great\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss, the best philosopher in Germany.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is not mine,\u0026quot; answered Pococurante coolly. \u0026quot;They used at one time to\u003cbr /\u003emake me believe that I took a pleasure in reading him. But that\u003cbr /\u003econtinual repetition of battles, so extremely like one another; those\u003cbr /\u003egods that are always active without doing anything decisive; that Helen\u003cbr /\u003ewho is the cause of the war, and who yet scarcely appears in the piece;\u003cbr /\u003ethat Troy, so long besieged without being taken; all these together\u003cbr /\u003ecaused me great weariness. I have sometimes asked learned men whether\u003cbr /\u003ethey were not as weary as I of that work. Those who were sincere have\u003cbr /\u003eowned to me that the poem made them fall asleep; yet it was necessary to\u003cbr /\u003ehave it in their library as a monument of antiquity, or like those rusty\u003cbr /\u003emedals which are no longer of use in commerce.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But your Excellency does not think thus of Virgil?\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I grant,\u0026quot; said the Senator, \u0026quot;that the second, fourth, and sixth books\u003cbr /\u003eof his _\u0026#198;neid_ are excellent, but as for his pious \u0026#198;neas, his strong\u003cbr /\u003eCloanthus, his friend Achates, his little Ascanius, his silly King\u003cbr /\u003eLatinus, his bourgeois Amata, his insipid Lavinia, I think there can be\u003cbr /\u003enothing more flat and disagreeable. I prefer Tasso a good deal, or even\u003cbr /\u003ethe soporific tales of Ariosto.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;May I presume to ask you, sir,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;whether you do not\u003cbr /\u003ereceive a great deal of pleasure from reading Horace?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There are maxims in this writer,\u0026quot; answered Pococurante, \u0026quot;from which a\u003cbr /\u003eman of the world may reap great benefit, and being written in energetic\u003cbr /\u003everse they are more easily impressed upon the memory. But I care little\u003cbr /\u003efor his journey to Brundusium, and his account of a bad dinner, or of\u003cbr /\u003ehis low quarrel between one Rupilius whose words he says were full of\u003cbr /\u003epoisonous filth, and another whose language was imbued with vinegar. I\u003cbr /\u003ehave read with much distaste his indelicate verses against old women and\u003cbr /\u003ewitches; nor do I see any merit in telling his friend M\u0026#230;cenas that if he\u003cbr /\u003ewill but rank him in the choir of lyric poets, his lofty head shall\u003cbr /\u003etouch the stars. Fools admire everything in an author of reputation. For\u003cbr /\u003emy part, I read only to please myself. I like only that which serves my\u003cbr /\u003epurpose.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, having been educated never to judge for himself, was much\u003cbr /\u003esurprised at what he heard. Martin found there was a good deal of reason\u003cbr /\u003ein Pococurante\u0026#39;s remarks.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh! here is Cicero,\u0026quot; said Candide. \u0026quot;Here is the great man whom I fancy\u003cbr /\u003eyou are never tired of reading.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I never read him,\u0026quot; replied the Venetian. \u0026quot;What is it to me whether he\u003cbr /\u003epleads for Rabirius or Cluentius? I try causes enough myself; his\u003cbr /\u003ephilosophical works seem to me better, but when I found that he doubted\u003cbr /\u003eof everything, I concluded that I knew as much as he, and that I had no\u003cbr /\u003eneed of a guide to learn ignorance.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ha! here are four-score volumes of the Academy of Sciences,\u0026quot; cried\u003cbr /\u003eMartin. \u0026quot;Perhaps there is something valuable in this collection.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There might be,\u0026quot; said Pococurante, \u0026quot;if only one of those rakers of\u003cbr /\u003erubbish had shown how to make pins; but in all these volumes there is\u003cbr /\u003enothing but chimerical systems, and not a single useful thing.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And what dramatic works I see here,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;in Italian,\u003cbr /\u003eSpanish, and French.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes,\u0026quot; replied the Senator, \u0026quot;there are three thousand, and not three\u003cbr /\u003edozen of them good for anything. As to those collections of sermons,\u003cbr /\u003ewhich altogether are not worth a single page of Seneca, and those huge\u003cbr /\u003evolumes of theology, you may well imagine that neither I nor any one\u003cbr /\u003eelse ever opens them.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eMartin saw some shelves filled with English books.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I have a notion,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;that a Republican must be greatly pleased\u003cbr /\u003ewith most of these books, which are written with a spirit of freedom.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes,\u0026quot; answered Pococurante, \u0026quot;it is noble to write as one thinks; this\u003cbr /\u003eis the privilege of humanity. In all our Italy we write only what we do\u003cbr /\u003enot think; those who inhabit the country of the C\u0026#230;sars and the\u003cbr /\u003eAntoninuses dare not acquire a single idea without the permission of a\u003cbr /\u003eDominican friar. I should be pleased with the liberty which inspires the\u003cbr /\u003eEnglish genius if passion and party spirit did not corrupt all that is\u003cbr /\u003eestimable in this precious liberty.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, observing a Milton, asked whether he did not look upon this\u003cbr /\u003eauthor as a great man.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Who?\u0026quot; said Pococurante, \u0026quot;that barbarian, who writes a long commentary\u003cbr /\u003ein ten books of harsh verse on the first chapter of Genesis; that coarse\u003cbr /\u003eimitator of the Greeks, who disfigures the Creation, and who, while\u003cbr /\u003eMoses represents the Eternal producing the world by a word, makes the\u003cbr /\u003eMessiah take a great pair of compasses from the armoury of heaven to\u003cbr /\u003ecircumscribe His work? How can I have any esteem for a writer who has\u003cbr /\u003espoiled Tasso\u0026#39;s hell and the devil, who transforms Lucifer sometimes\u003cbr /\u003einto a toad and other times into a pigmy, who makes him repeat the same\u003cbr /\u003ethings a hundred times, who makes him dispute on theology, who, by a\u003cbr /\u003eserious imitation of Ariosto\u0026#39;s comic invention of firearms, represents\u003cbr /\u003ethe devils cannonading in heaven? Neither I nor any man in Italy could\u003cbr /\u003etake pleasure in those melancholy extravagances; and the marriage of Sin\u003cbr /\u003eand Death, and the snakes brought forth by Sin, are enough to turn the\u003cbr /\u003estomach of any one with the least taste, [and his long description of a\u003cbr /\u003epest-house is good only for a grave-digger]. This obscure, whimsical,\u003cbr /\u003eand disagreeable poem was despised upon its first publication, and I\u003cbr /\u003eonly treat it now as it was treated in its own country by\u003cbr /\u003econtemporaries. For the matter of that I say what I think, and I care\u003cbr /\u003every little whether others think as I do.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide was grieved at this speech, for he had a respect for Homer and\u003cbr /\u003ewas fond of Milton.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Alas!\u0026quot; said he softly to Martin, \u0026quot;I am afraid that this man holds our\u003cbr /\u003eGerman poets in very great contempt.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There would not be much harm in that,\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh! what a superior man,\u0026quot; said Candide below his breath. \u0026quot;What a great\u003cbr /\u003egenius is this Pococurante! Nothing can please him.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAfter their survey of the library they went down into the garden, where\u003cbr /\u003eCandide praised its several beauties.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I know of nothing in so bad a taste,\u0026quot; said the master. \u0026quot;All you see\u003cbr /\u003ehere is merely trifling. After to-morrow I will have it planted with a\u003cbr /\u003enobler design.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well,\u0026quot; said Candide to Martin when they had taken their leave, \u0026quot;you\u003cbr /\u003ewill agree that this is the happiest of mortals, for he is above\u003cbr /\u003eeverything he possesses.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But do you not see,\u0026quot; answered Martin, \u0026quot;that he is disgusted with all he\u003cbr /\u003epossesses? Plato observed a long while ago that those stomachs are not\u003cbr /\u003ethe best that reject all sorts of food.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But is there not a pleasure,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;in criticising\u003cbr /\u003eeverything, in pointing out faults where others see nothing but\u003cbr /\u003ebeauties?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;That is to say,\u0026quot; replied Martin, \u0026quot;that there is some pleasure in having\u003cbr /\u003eno pleasure.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well, well,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;I find that I shall be the only happy man\u003cbr /\u003ewhen I am blessed with the sight of my dear Cunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is always well to hope,\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHowever, the days and the weeks passed. Cacambo did not come, and\u003cbr /\u003eCandide was so overwhelmed with grief that he did not even reflect that\u003cbr /\u003ePaquette and Friar Girofl\u0026#233;e did not return to thank him.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXVI\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eOF A SUPPER WHICH CANDIDE AND MARTIN TOOK WITH SIX STRANGERS, AND WHO\u003cbr /\u003eTHEY WERE.[34]\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eOne evening that Candide and Martin were going to sit down to supper\u003cbr /\u003ewith some foreigners who lodged in the same inn, a man whose complexion\u003cbr /\u003ewas as black as soot, came behind Candide, and taking him by the arm,\u003cbr /\u003esaid:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Get yourself ready to go along with us; do not fail.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eUpon this he turned round and saw–Cacambo! Nothing but the sight of\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde could have astonished and delighted him more. He was on the\u003cbr /\u003epoint of going mad with joy. He embraced his dear friend.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Cunegonde is here, without doubt; where is she? Take me to her that I\u003cbr /\u003emay die of joy in her company.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Cunegonde is not here,\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;she is at Constantinople.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Oh, heavens! at Constantinople! But were she in China I would fly\u003cbr /\u003ethither; let us be off.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;We shall set out after supper,\u0026quot; replied Cacambo. \u0026quot;I can tell you\u003cbr /\u003enothing more; I am a slave, my master awaits me, I must serve him at\u003cbr /\u003etable; speak not a word, eat, and then get ready.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, distracted between joy and grief, delighted at seeing his\u003cbr /\u003efaithful agent again, astonished at finding him a slave, filled with the\u003cbr /\u003efresh hope of recovering his mistress, his heart palpitating, his\u003cbr /\u003eunderstanding confused, sat down to table with Martin, who saw all these\u003cbr /\u003escenes quite unconcerned, and with six strangers who had come to spend\u003cbr /\u003ethe Carnival at Venice.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo waited at table upon one of the strangers; towards the end of\u003cbr /\u003ethe entertainment he drew near his master, and whispered in his ear:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Sire, your Majesty may start when you please, the vessel is ready.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eOn saying these words he went out. The company in great surprise looked\u003cbr /\u003eat one another without speaking a word, when another domestic approached\u003cbr /\u003ehis master and said to him:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Sire, your Majesty\u0026#39;s chaise is at Padua, and the boat is ready.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe master gave a nod and the servant went away. The company all stared\u003cbr /\u003eat one another again, and their surprise redoubled. A third valet came\u003cbr /\u003eup to a third stranger, saying:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Sire, believe me, your Majesty ought not to stay here any longer. I am\u003cbr /\u003egoing to get everything ready.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAnd immediately he disappeared. Candide and Martin did not doubt that\u003cbr /\u003ethis was a masquerade of the Carnival. Then a fourth domestic said to a\u003cbr /\u003efourth master:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Your Majesty may depart when you please.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eSaying this he went away like the rest. The fifth valet said the same\u003cbr /\u003ething to the fifth master. But the sixth valet spoke differently to the\u003cbr /\u003esixth stranger, who sat near Candide. He said to him:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Faith, Sire, they will no longer give credit to your Majesty nor to me,\u003cbr /\u003eand we may perhaps both of us be put in jail this very night. Therefore\u003cbr /\u003eI will take care of myself. Adieu.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe servants being all gone, the six strangers, with Candide and Martin,\u003cbr /\u003eremained in a profound silence. At length Candide broke it.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Gentlemen,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;this is a very good joke indeed, but why should\u003cbr /\u003eyou all be kings? For me I own that neither Martin nor I is a king.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCacambo\u0026#39;s master then gravely answered in Italian:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am not at all joking. My name is Achmet III. I was Grand Sultan many\u003cbr /\u003eyears. I dethroned my brother; my nephew dethroned me, my viziers were\u003cbr /\u003ebeheaded, and I am condemned to end my days in the old Seraglio. My\u003cbr /\u003enephew, the great Sultan Mahmoud, permits me to travel sometimes for my\u003cbr /\u003ehealth, and I am come to spend the Carnival at Venice.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eA young man who sat next to Achmet, spoke then as follows:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My name is Ivan. I was once Emperor of all the Russias, but was\u003cbr /\u003edethroned in my cradle. My parents were confined in prison and I was\u003cbr /\u003eeducated there; yet I am sometimes allowed to travel in company with\u003cbr /\u003epersons who act as guards; and I am come to spend the Carnival at\u003cbr /\u003eVenice.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe third said:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am Charles Edward, King of England; my father has resigned all his\u003cbr /\u003elegal rights to me. I have fought in defence of them; and above eight\u003cbr /\u003ehundred of my adherents have been hanged, drawn, and quartered. I have\u003cbr /\u003ebeen confined in prison; I am going to Rome, to pay a visit to the King,\u003cbr /\u003emy father, who was dethroned as well as myself and my grandfather, and I\u003cbr /\u003eam come to spend the Carnival at Venice.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe fourth spoke thus in his turn:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am the King of Poland; the fortune of war has stripped me of my\u003cbr /\u003ehereditary dominions; my father underwent the same vicissitudes; I\u003cbr /\u003eresign myself to Providence in the same manner as Sultan Achmet, the\u003cbr /\u003eEmperor Ivan, and King Charles Edward, whom God long preserve; and I am\u003cbr /\u003ecome to the Carnival at Venice.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe fifth said:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am King of Poland also; I have been twice dethroned; but Providence\u003cbr /\u003ehas given me another country, where I have done more good than all the\u003cbr /\u003eSarmatian kings were ever capable of doing on the banks of the Vistula;\u003cbr /\u003eI resign myself likewise to Providence, and am come to pass the Carnival\u003cbr /\u003eat Venice.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIt was now the sixth monarch\u0026#39;s turn to speak:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Gentlemen,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;I am not so great a prince as any of you;\u003cbr /\u003ehowever, I am a king. I am Theodore, elected King of Corsica; I had the\u003cbr /\u003etitle of Majesty, and now I am scarcely treated as a gentleman. I have\u003cbr /\u003ecoined money, and now am not worth a farthing; I have had two\u003cbr /\u003esecretaries of state, and now I have scarce a valet; I have seen myself\u003cbr /\u003eon a throne, and I have seen myself upon straw in a common jail in\u003cbr /\u003eLondon. I am afraid that I shall meet with the same treatment here\u003cbr /\u003ethough, like your majesties, I am come to see the Carnival at Venice.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe other five kings listened to this speech with generous compassion.\u003cbr /\u003eEach of them gave twenty sequins to King Theodore to buy him clothes and\u003cbr /\u003elinen; and Candide made him a present of a diamond worth two thousand\u003cbr /\u003esequins.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Who can this private person be,\u0026quot; said the five kings to one another,\u003cbr /\u003e\u0026quot;who is able to give, and really has given, a hundred times as much as\u003cbr /\u003eany of us?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eJust as they rose from table, in came four Serene Highnesses, who had\u003cbr /\u003ealso been stripped of their territories by the fortune of war, and were\u003cbr /\u003ecome to spend the Carnival at Venice. But Candide paid no regard to\u003cbr /\u003ethese newcomers, his thoughts were entirely employed on his voyage to\u003cbr /\u003eConstantinople, in search of his beloved Cunegonde.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXVII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCANDIDE\u0026#39;S VOYAGE TO CONSTANTINOPLE.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe faithful Cacambo had already prevailed upon the Turkish skipper, who\u003cbr /\u003ewas to conduct the Sultan Achmet to Constantinople, to receive Candide\u003cbr /\u003eand Martin on his ship. They both embarked after having made their\u003cbr /\u003eobeisance to his miserable Highness.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You see,\u0026quot; said Candide to Martin on the way, \u0026quot;we supped with six\u003cbr /\u003edethroned kings, and of those six there was one to whom I gave charity.\u003cbr /\u003ePerhaps there are many other princes yet more unfortunate. For my part,\u003cbr /\u003eI have only lost a hundred sheep; and now I am flying into Cunegonde\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003earms. My dear Martin, yet once more Pangloss was right: all is for the\u003cbr /\u003ebest.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I wish it,\u0026quot; answered Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;it was a very strange adventure we met with at\u003cbr /\u003eVenice. It has never before been seen or heard that six dethroned kings\u003cbr /\u003ehave supped together at a public inn.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is not more extraordinary,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;than most of the things\u003cbr /\u003ethat have happened to us. It is a very common thing for kings to be\u003cbr /\u003edethroned; and as for the honour we have had of supping in their\u003cbr /\u003ecompany, it is a trifle not worth our attention.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eNo sooner had Candide got on board the vessel than he flew to his old\u003cbr /\u003evalet and friend Cacambo, and tenderly embraced him.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;what news of Cunegonde? Is she still a prodigy of\u003cbr /\u003ebeauty? Does she love me still? How is she? Thou hast doubtless bought\u003cbr /\u003eher a palace at Constantinople?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;My dear master,\u0026quot; answered Cacambo, \u0026quot;Cunegonde washes dishes on the\u003cbr /\u003ebanks of the Propontis, in the service of a prince, who has very few\u003cbr /\u003edishes to wash; she is a slave in the family of an ancient sovereign\u003cbr /\u003enamed Ragotsky,[35] to whom the Grand Turk allows three crowns a day in\u003cbr /\u003ehis exile. But what is worse still is, that she has lost her beauty and\u003cbr /\u003ehas become horribly ugly.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well, handsome or ugly,\u0026quot; replied Candide, \u0026quot;I am a man of honour, and it\u003cbr /\u003eis my duty to love her still. But how came she to be reduced to so\u003cbr /\u003eabject a state with the five or six millions that you took to her?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah!\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;was I not to give two millions to Senor Don\u003cbr /\u003eFernando d\u0026#39;Ibaraa, y Figueora, y Mascarenes, y Lampourdos, y Souza,\u003cbr /\u003eGovernor of Buenos Ayres, for permitting Miss Cunegonde to come away?\u003cbr /\u003eAnd did not a corsair bravely rob us of all the rest? Did not this\u003cbr /\u003ecorsair carry us to Cape Matapan, to Milo, to Nicaria, to Samos, to\u003cbr /\u003ePetra, to the Dardanelles, to Marmora, to Scutari? Cunegonde and the old\u003cbr /\u003ewoman serve the prince I now mentioned to you, and I am slave to the\u003cbr /\u003edethroned Sultan.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What a series of shocking calamities!\u0026quot; cried Candide. \u0026quot;But after all, I\u003cbr /\u003ehave some diamonds left; and I may easily pay Cunegonde\u0026#39;s ransom. Yet it\u003cbr /\u003eis a pity that she is grown so ugly.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThen, turning towards Martin: \u0026quot;Who do you think,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;is most to\u003cbr /\u003ebe pitied–the Sultan Achmet, the Emperor Ivan, King Charles Edward, or\u003cbr /\u003eI?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;How should I know!\u0026quot; answered Martin. \u0026quot;I must see into your hearts to be\u003cbr /\u003eable to tell.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah!\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;if Pangloss were here, he could tell.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I know not,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;in what sort of scales your Pangloss would\u003cbr /\u003eweigh the misfortunes of mankind and set a just estimate on their\u003cbr /\u003esorrows. All that I can presume to say is, that there are millions of\u003cbr /\u003epeople upon earth who have a hundred times more to complain of than King\u003cbr /\u003eCharles Edward, the Emperor Ivan, or the Sultan Achmet.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;That may well be,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIn a few days they reached the Bosphorus, and Candide began by paying a\u003cbr /\u003every high ransom for Cacambo. Then without losing time, he and his\u003cbr /\u003ecompanions went on board a galley, in order to search on the banks of\u003cbr /\u003ethe Propontis for his Cunegonde, however ugly she might have become.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAmong the crew there were two slaves who rowed very badly, and to whose\u003cbr /\u003ebare shoulders the Levantine captain would now and then apply blows from\u003cbr /\u003ea bull\u0026#39;s pizzle. Candide, from a natural impulse, looked at these two\u003cbr /\u003eslaves more attentively than at the other oarsmen, and approached them\u003cbr /\u003ewith pity. Their features though greatly disfigured, had a slight\u003cbr /\u003eresemblance to those of Pangloss and the unhappy Jesuit and Westphalian\u003cbr /\u003eBaron, brother to Miss Cunegonde. This moved and saddened him. He looked\u003cbr /\u003eat them still more attentively.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Indeed,\u0026quot; said he to Cacambo, \u0026quot;if I had not seen Master Pangloss hanged,\u003cbr /\u003eand if I had not had the misfortune to kill the Baron, I should think it\u003cbr /\u003ewas they that were rowing.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt the names of the Baron and of Pangloss, the two galley-slaves uttered\u003cbr /\u003ea loud cry, held fast by the seat, and let drop their oars. The captain\u003cbr /\u003eran up to them and redoubled his blows with the bull\u0026#39;s pizzle.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Stop! stop! sir,\u0026quot; cried Candide. \u0026quot;I will give you what money you\u003cbr /\u003eplease.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What! it is Candide!\u0026quot; said one of the slaves.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What! it is Candide!\u0026quot; said the other.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Do I dream?\u0026quot; cried Candide; \u0026quot;am I awake? or am I on board a galley? Is\u003cbr /\u003ethis the Baron whom I killed? Is this Master Pangloss whom I saw\u003cbr /\u003ehanged?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is we! it is we!\u0026quot; answered they.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well! is this the great philosopher?\u0026quot; said Martin.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ah! captain,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;what ransom will you take for Monsieur de\u003cbr /\u003eThunder-ten-Tronckh, one of the first barons of the empire, and for\u003cbr /\u003eMonsieur Pangloss, the profoundest metaphysician in Germany?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Dog of a Christian,\u0026quot; answered the Levantine captain, \u0026quot;since these two\u003cbr /\u003edogs of Christian slaves are barons and metaphysicians, which I doubt\u003cbr /\u003enot are high dignities in their country, you shall give me fifty\u003cbr /\u003ethousand sequins.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You shall have them, sir. Carry me back at once to Constantinople, and\u003cbr /\u003eyou shall receive the money directly. But no; carry me first to Miss\u003cbr /\u003eCunegonde.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eUpon the first proposal made by Candide, however, the Levantine captain\u003cbr /\u003ehad already tacked about, and made the crew ply their oars quicker than\u003cbr /\u003ea bird cleaves the air.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide embraced the Baron and Pangloss a hundred times.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And how happened it, my dear Baron, that I did not kill you? And, my\u003cbr /\u003edear Pangloss, how came you to life again after being hanged? And why\u003cbr /\u003eare you both in a Turkish galley?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;And it is true that my dear sister is in this country?\u0026quot; said the Baron.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Yes,\u0026quot; answered Cacambo.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Then I behold, once more, my dear Candide,\u0026quot; cried Pangloss.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide presented Martin and Cacambo to them; they embraced each other,\u003cbr /\u003eand all spoke at once. The galley flew; they were already in the port.\u003cbr /\u003eInstantly Candide sent for a Jew, to whom he sold for fifty thousand\u003cbr /\u003esequins a diamond worth a hundred thousand, though the fellow swore to\u003cbr /\u003ehim by Abraham that he could give him no more. He immediately paid the\u003cbr /\u003eransom for the Baron and Pangloss. The latter threw himself at the feet\u003cbr /\u003eof his deliverer, and bathed them with his tears; the former thanked him\u003cbr /\u003ewith a nod, and promised to return him the money on the first\u003cbr /\u003eopportunity.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But is it indeed possible that my sister can be in Turkey?\u0026quot; said he.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Nothing is more possible,\u0026quot; said Cacambo, \u0026quot;since she scours the dishes\u003cbr /\u003ein the service of a Transylvanian prince.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide sent directly for two Jews and sold them some more diamonds, and\u003cbr /\u003ethen they all set out together in another galley to deliver Cunegonde\u003cbr /\u003efrom slavery.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXVIII\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWHAT HAPPENED TO CANDIDE, CUNEGONDE, PANGLOSS, MARTIN, ETC.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I ask your pardon once more,\u0026quot; said Candide to the Baron, \u0026quot;your pardon,\u003cbr /\u003ereverend father, for having run you through the body.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Say no more about it,\u0026quot; answered the Baron. \u0026quot;I was a little too hasty, I\u003cbr /\u003eown, but since you wish to know by what fatality I came to be a\u003cbr /\u003egalley-slave I will inform you. After I had been cured by the surgeon of\u003cbr /\u003ethe college of the wound you gave me, I was attacked and carried off by\u003cbr /\u003ea party of Spanish troops, who confined me in prison at Buenos Ayres at\u003cbr /\u003ethe very time my sister was setting out thence. I asked leave to return\u003cbr /\u003eto Rome to the General of my Order. I was appointed chaplain to the\u003cbr /\u003eFrench Ambassador at Constantinople. I had not been eight days in this\u003cbr /\u003eemployment when one evening I met with a young Ichoglan, who was a very\u003cbr /\u003ehandsome fellow. The weather was warm. The young man wanted to bathe,\u003cbr /\u003eand I took this opportunity of bathing also. I did not know that it was\u003cbr /\u003ea capital crime for a Christian to be found naked with a young\u003cbr /\u003eMussulman. A cadi ordered me a hundred blows on the soles of the feet,\u003cbr /\u003eand condemned me to the galleys. I do not think there ever was a greater\u003cbr /\u003eact of injustice. But I should be glad to know how my sister came to be\u003cbr /\u003escullion to a Transylvanian prince who has taken shelter among the\u003cbr /\u003eTurks.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But you, my dear Pangloss,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;how can it be that I behold\u003cbr /\u003eyou again?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is true,\u0026quot; said Pangloss, \u0026quot;that you saw me hanged. I should have been\u003cbr /\u003eburnt, but you may remember it rained exceedingly hard when they were\u003cbr /\u003egoing to roast me; the storm was so violent that they despaired of\u003cbr /\u003elighting the fire, so I was hanged because they could do no better. A\u003cbr /\u003esurgeon purchased my body, carried me home, and dissected me. He began\u003cbr /\u003ewith making a crucial incision on me from the navel to the clavicula.\u003cbr /\u003eOne could not have been worse hanged than I was. The executioner of the\u003cbr /\u003eHoly Inquisition was a sub-deacon, and knew how to burn people\u003cbr /\u003emarvellously well, but he was not accustomed to hanging. The cord was\u003cbr /\u003ewet and did not slip properly, and besides it was badly tied; in short,\u003cbr /\u003eI still drew my breath, when the crucial incision made me give such a\u003cbr /\u003efrightful scream that my surgeon fell flat upon his back, and imagining\u003cbr /\u003ethat he had been dissecting the devil he ran away, dying with fear, and\u003cbr /\u003efell down the staircase in his flight. His wife, hearing the noise,\u003cbr /\u003eflew from the next room. She saw me stretched out upon the table with my\u003cbr /\u003ecrucial incision. She was seized with yet greater fear than her husband,\u003cbr /\u003efled, and tumbled over him. When they came to themselves a little, I\u003cbr /\u003eheard the wife say to her husband: \u0026#39;My dear, how could you take it into\u003cbr /\u003eyour head to dissect a heretic? Do you not know that these people always\u003cbr /\u003ehave the devil in their bodies? I will go and fetch a priest this minute\u003cbr /\u003eto exorcise him.\u0026#39; At this proposal I shuddered, and mustering up what\u003cbr /\u003elittle courage I had still remaining I cried out aloud, \u0026#39;Have mercy on\u003cbr /\u003eme!\u0026#39; At length the Portuguese barber plucked up his spirits. He sewed up\u003cbr /\u003emy wounds; his wife even nursed me. I was upon my legs at the end of\u003cbr /\u003efifteen days. The barber found me a place as lackey to a knight of Malta\u003cbr /\u003ewho was going to Venice, but finding that my master had no money to pay\u003cbr /\u003eme my wages I entered the service of a Venetian merchant, and went with\u003cbr /\u003ehim to Constantinople. One day I took it into my head to step into a\u003cbr /\u003emosque, where I saw an old Iman and a very pretty young devotee who was\u003cbr /\u003esaying her paternosters. Her bosom was uncovered, and between her\u003cbr /\u003ebreasts she had a beautiful bouquet of tulips, roses, anemones,\u003cbr /\u003eranunculus, hyacinths, and auriculas. She dropped her bouquet; I picked\u003cbr /\u003eit up, and presented it to her with a profound reverence. I was so long\u003cbr /\u003ein delivering it that the Iman began to get angry, and seeing that I was\u003cbr /\u003ea Christian he called out for help. They carried me before the cadi, who\u003cbr /\u003eordered me a hundred lashes on the soles of the feet and sent me to the\u003cbr /\u003egalleys. I was chained to the very same galley and the same bench as the\u003cbr /\u003eyoung Baron. On board this galley there were four young men from\u003cbr /\u003eMarseilles, five Neapolitan priests, and two monks from Corfu, who told\u003cbr /\u003eus similar adventures happened daily. The Baron maintained that he had\u003cbr /\u003esuffered greater injustice than I, and I insisted that it was far more\u003cbr /\u003einnocent to take up a bouquet and place it again on a woman\u0026#39;s bosom than\u003cbr /\u003eto be found stark naked with an Ichoglan. We were continually disputing,\u003cbr /\u003eand received twenty lashes with a bull\u0026#39;s pizzle when the concatenation\u003cbr /\u003eof universal events brought you to our galley, and you were good enough\u003cbr /\u003eto ransom us.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Well, my dear Pangloss,\u0026quot; said Candide to him, \u0026quot;when you had been\u003cbr /\u003ehanged, dissected, whipped, and were tugging at the oar, did you always\u003cbr /\u003ethink that everything happens for the best?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I am still of my first opinion,\u0026quot; answered Pangloss, \u0026quot;for I am a\u003cbr /\u003ephilosopher and I cannot retract, especially as Leibnitz could never be\u003cbr /\u003ewrong; and besides, the pre-established harmony is the finest thing in\u003cbr /\u003ethe world, and so is his _plenum_ and _materia subtilis_.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXIX\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHOW CANDIDE FOUND CUNEGONDE AND THE OLD WOMAN AGAIN.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhile Candide, the Baron, Pangloss, Martin, and Cacambo were relating\u003cbr /\u003etheir several adventures, were reasoning on the contingent or\u003cbr /\u003enon-contingent events of the universe, disputing on effects and causes,\u003cbr /\u003eon moral and physical evil, on liberty and necessity, and on the\u003cbr /\u003econsolations a slave may feel even on a Turkish galley, they arrived at\u003cbr /\u003ethe house of the Transylvanian prince on the banks of the Propontis. The\u003cbr /\u003efirst objects which met their sight were Cunegonde and the old woman\u003cbr /\u003ehanging towels out to dry.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe Baron paled at this sight. The tender, loving Candide, seeing his\u003cbr /\u003ebeautiful Cunegonde embrowned, with blood-shot eyes, withered neck,\u003cbr /\u003ewrinkled cheeks, and rough, red arms, recoiled three paces, seized with\u003cbr /\u003ehorror, and then advanced out of good manners. She embraced Candide and\u003cbr /\u003eher brother; they embraced the old woman, and Candide ransomed them\u003cbr /\u003eboth.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThere was a small farm in the neighbourhood which the old woman\u003cbr /\u003eproposed to Candide to make a shift with till the company could be\u003cbr /\u003eprovided for in a better manner. Cunegonde did not know she had grown\u003cbr /\u003eugly, for nobody had told her of it; and she reminded Candide of his\u003cbr /\u003epromise in so positive a tone that the good man durst not refuse her. He\u003cbr /\u003etherefore intimated to the Baron that he intended marrying his sister.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I will not suffer,\u0026quot; said the Baron, \u0026quot;such meanness on her part, and\u003cbr /\u003esuch insolence on yours; I will never be reproached with this scandalous\u003cbr /\u003ething; my sister\u0026#39;s children would never be able to enter the church in\u003cbr /\u003eGermany. No; my sister shall only marry a baron of the empire.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCunegonde flung herself at his feet, and bathed them with her tears;\u003cbr /\u003estill he was inflexible.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Thou foolish fellow,\u0026quot; said Candide; \u0026quot;I have delivered thee out of the\u003cbr /\u003egalleys, I have paid thy ransom, and thy sister\u0026#39;s also; she was a\u003cbr /\u003escullion, and is very ugly, yet I am so condescending as to marry her;\u003cbr /\u003eand dost thou pretend to oppose the match? I should kill thee again,\u003cbr /\u003ewere I only to consult my anger.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Thou mayest kill me again,\u0026quot; said the Baron, \u0026quot;but thou shalt not marry\u003cbr /\u003emy sister, at least whilst I am living.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eXXX\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eTHE CONCLUSION.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt the bottom of his heart Candide had no wish to marry Cunegonde. But\u003cbr /\u003ethe extreme impertinence of the Baron determined him to conclude the\u003cbr /\u003ematch, and Cunegonde pressed him so strongly that he could not go from\u003cbr /\u003ehis word. He consulted Pangloss, Martin, and the faithful Cacambo.\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss drew up an excellent memorial, wherein he proved that the Baron\u003cbr /\u003ehad no right over his sister, and that according to all the laws of the\u003cbr /\u003eempire, she might marry Candide with her left hand. Martin was for\u003cbr /\u003ethrowing the Baron into the sea; Cacambo decided that it would be better\u003cbr /\u003eto deliver him up again to the captain of the galley, after which they\u003cbr /\u003ethought to send him back to the General Father of the Order at Rome by\u003cbr /\u003ethe first ship. This advice was well received, the old woman approved\u003cbr /\u003eit; they said not a word to his sister; the thing was executed for a\u003cbr /\u003elittle money, and they had the double pleasure of entrapping a Jesuit,\u003cbr /\u003eand punishing the pride of a German baron.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIt is natural to imagine that after so many disasters Candide married,\u003cbr /\u003eand living with the philosopher Pangloss, the philosopher Martin, the\u003cbr /\u003eprudent Cacambo, and the old woman, having besides brought so many\u003cbr /\u003ediamonds from the country of the ancient Incas, must have led a very\u003cbr /\u003ehappy life. But he was so much imposed upon by the Jews that he had\u003cbr /\u003enothing left except his small farm; his wife became uglier every day,\u003cbr /\u003emore peevish and unsupportable; the old woman was infirm and even more\u003cbr /\u003efretful than Cunegonde. Cacambo, who worked in the garden, and took\u003cbr /\u003evegetables for sale to Constantinople, was fatigued with hard work, and\u003cbr /\u003ecursed his destiny. Pangloss was in despair at not shining in some\u003cbr /\u003eGerman university. For Martin, he was firmly persuaded that he would be\u003cbr /\u003eas badly off elsewhere, and therefore bore things patiently. Candide,\u003cbr /\u003eMartin, and Pangloss sometimes disputed about morals and metaphysics.\u003cbr /\u003eThey often saw passing under the windows of their farm boats full of\u003cbr /\u003eEffendis, Pashas, and Cadis, who were going into banishment to Lemnos,\u003cbr /\u003eMitylene, or Erzeroum. And they saw other Cadis, Pashas, and Effendis\u003cbr /\u003ecoming to supply the place of the exiles, and afterwards exiled in their\u003cbr /\u003eturn. They saw heads decently impaled for presentation to the Sublime\u003cbr /\u003ePorte. Such spectacles as these increased the number of their\u003cbr /\u003edissertations; and when they did not dispute time hung so heavily upon\u003cbr /\u003etheir hands, that one day the old woman ventured to say to them:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I want to know which is worse, to be ravished a hundred times by negro\u003cbr /\u003epirates, to have a buttock cut off, to run the gauntlet among the\u003cbr /\u003eBulgarians, to be whipped and hanged at an _auto-da-f\u0026#233;_, to be\u003cbr /\u003edissected, to row in the galleys–in short, to go through all the\u003cbr /\u003emiseries we have undergone, or to stay here and have nothing to do?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;It is a great question,\u0026quot; said Candide.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThis discourse gave rise to new reflections, and Martin especially\u003cbr /\u003econcluded that man was born to live either in a state of distracting\u003cbr /\u003einquietude or of lethargic disgust. Candide did not quite agree to that,\u003cbr /\u003ebut he affirmed nothing. Pangloss owned that he had always suffered\u003cbr /\u003ehorribly, but as he had once asserted that everything went wonderfully\u003cbr /\u003ewell, he asserted it still, though he no longer believed it.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eWhat helped to confirm Martin in his detestable principles, to stagger\u003cbr /\u003eCandide more than ever, and to puzzle Pangloss, was that one day they\u003cbr /\u003esaw Paquette and Friar Girofl\u0026#233;e land at the farm in extreme misery. They\u003cbr /\u003ehad soon squandered their three thousand piastres, parted, were\u003cbr /\u003ereconciled, quarrelled again, were thrown into gaol, had escaped, and\u003cbr /\u003eFriar Girofl\u0026#233;e had at length become Turk. Paquette continued her trade\u003cbr /\u003ewherever she went, but made nothing of it.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I foresaw,\u0026quot; said Martin to Candide, \u0026quot;that your presents would soon be\u003cbr /\u003edissipated, and only make them the more miserable. You have rolled in\u003cbr /\u003emillions of money, you and Cacambo; and yet you are not happier than\u003cbr /\u003eFriar Girofl\u0026#233;e and Paquette.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ha!\u0026quot; said Pangloss to Paquette, \u0026quot;Providence has then brought you\u003cbr /\u003eamongst us again, my poor child! Do you know that you cost me the tip of\u003cbr /\u003emy nose, an eye, and an ear, as you may see? What a world is this!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAnd now this new adventure set them philosophising more than ever.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eIn the neighbourhood there lived a very famous Dervish who was esteemed\u003cbr /\u003ethe best philosopher in all Turkey, and they went to consult him.\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss was the speaker.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Master,\u0026quot; said he, \u0026quot;we come to beg you to tell why so strange an animal\u003cbr /\u003eas man was made.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;With what meddlest thou?\u0026quot; said the Dervish; \u0026quot;is it thy business?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;But, reverend father,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;there is horrible evil in this\u003cbr /\u003eworld.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What signifies it,\u0026quot; said the Dervish, \u0026quot;whether there be evil or good?\u003cbr /\u003eWhen his highness sends a ship to Egypt, does he trouble his head\u003cbr /\u003ewhether the mice on board are at their ease or not?\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;What, then, must we do?\u0026quot; said Pangloss.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Hold your tongue,\u0026quot; answered the Dervish.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I was in hopes,\u0026quot; said Pangloss, \u0026quot;that I should reason with you a little\u003cbr /\u003eabout causes and effects, about the best of possible worlds, the origin\u003cbr /\u003eof evil, the nature of the soul, and the pre-established harmony.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eAt these words, the Dervish shut the door in their faces.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eDuring this conversation, the news was spread that two Viziers and the\u003cbr /\u003eMufti had been strangled at Constantinople, and that several of their\u003cbr /\u003efriends had been impaled. This catastrophe made a great noise for some\u003cbr /\u003ehours. Pangloss, Candide, and Martin, returning to the little farm, saw\u003cbr /\u003ea good old man taking the fresh air at his door under an orange bower.\u003cbr /\u003ePangloss, who was as inquisitive as he was argumentative, asked the old\u003cbr /\u003eman what was the name of the strangled Mufti.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I do not know,\u0026quot; answered the worthy man, \u0026quot;and I have not known the name\u003cbr /\u003eof any Mufti, nor of any Vizier. I am entirely ignorant of the event you\u003cbr /\u003emention; I presume in general that they who meddle with the\u003cbr /\u003eadministration of public affairs die sometimes miserably, and that they\u003cbr /\u003edeserve it; but I never trouble my head about what is transacting at\u003cbr /\u003eConstantinople; I content myself with sending there for sale the fruits\u003cbr /\u003eof the garden which I cultivate.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eHaving said these words, he invited the strangers into his house; his\u003cbr /\u003etwo sons and two daughters presented them with several sorts of sherbet,\u003cbr /\u003ewhich they made themselves, with Kaimak enriched with the candied-peel\u003cbr /\u003eof citrons, with oranges, lemons, pine-apples, pistachio-nuts, and Mocha\u003cbr /\u003ecoffee unadulterated with the bad coffee of Batavia or the American\u003cbr /\u003eislands. After which the two daughters of the honest Mussulman perfumed\u003cbr /\u003ethe strangers\u0026#39; beards.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You must have a vast and magnificent estate,\u0026quot; said Candide to the Turk.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I have only twenty acres,\u0026quot; replied the old man; \u0026quot;I and my children\u003cbr /\u003ecultivate them; our labour preserves us from three great\u003cbr /\u003eevils–weariness, vice, and want.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eCandide, on his way home, made profound reflections on the old man\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003econversation.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;This honest Turk,\u0026quot; said he to Pangloss and Martin, \u0026quot;seems to be in a\u003cbr /\u003esituation far preferable to that of the six kings with whom we had the\u003cbr /\u003ehonour of supping.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Grandeur,\u0026quot; said Pangloss, \u0026quot;is extremely dangerous according to the\u003cbr /\u003etestimony of philosophers. For, in short, Eglon, King of Moab, was\u003cbr /\u003eassassinated by Ehud; Absalom was hung by his hair, and pierced with\u003cbr /\u003ethree darts; King Nadab, the son of Jeroboam, was killed by Baasa; King\u003cbr /\u003eEla by Zimri; Ahaziah by Jehu; Athaliah by Jehoiada; the Kings\u003cbr /\u003eJehoiakim, Jeconiah, and Zedekiah, were led into captivity. You know how\u003cbr /\u003eperished Croesus, Astyages, Darius, Dionysius of Syracuse, Pyrrhus,\u003cbr /\u003ePerseus, Hannibal, Jugurtha, Ariovistus, C\u0026#230;sar, Pompey, Nero, Otho,\u003cbr /\u003eVitellius, Domitian, Richard II. of England, Edward II., Henry VI.,\u003cbr /\u003eRichard III., Mary Stuart, Charles I., the three Henrys of France, the\u003cbr /\u003eEmperor Henry IV.! You know—-\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;I know also,\u0026quot; said Candide, \u0026quot;that we must cultivate our garden.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You are right,\u0026quot; said Pangloss, \u0026quot;for when man was first placed in the\u003cbr /\u003eGarden of Eden, he was put there _ut operaretur eum_, that he might\u003cbr /\u003ecultivate it; which shows that man was not born to be idle.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Let us work,\u0026quot; said Martin, \u0026quot;without disputing; it is the only way to\u003cbr /\u003erender life tolerable.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eThe whole little society entered into this laudable design, according to\u003cbr /\u003etheir different abilities. Their little plot of land produced plentiful\u003cbr /\u003ecrops. Cunegonde was, indeed, very ugly, but she became an excellent\u003cbr /\u003epastry cook; Paquette worked at embroidery; the old woman looked after\u003cbr /\u003ethe linen. They were all, not excepting Friar Girofl\u0026#233;e, of some service\u003cbr /\u003eor other; for he made a good joiner, and became a very honest man.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003ePangloss sometimes said to Candide:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;There is a concatenation of events in this best of all possible worlds:\u003cbr /\u003efor if you had not been kicked out of a magnificent castle for love of\u003cbr /\u003eMiss Cunegonde: if you had not been put into the Inquisition: if you had\u003cbr /\u003enot walked over America: if you had not stabbed the Baron: if you had\u003cbr /\u003enot lost all your sheep from the fine country of El Dorado: you would\u003cbr /\u003enot be here eating preserved citrons and pistachio-nuts.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;All that is very well,\u0026quot; answered Candide, \u0026quot;but let us cultivate our\u003cbr /\u003egarden.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eFOOTNOTES:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[1] P. 2. The name Pangloss is derived from two Greek words signifying\u003cbr /\u003e\u0026quot;all\u0026quot; and \u0026quot;language.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[2] P. 8. The Abares were a tribe of Tartars settled on the shores of\u003cbr /\u003ethe Danube, who later dwelt in part of Circassia.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[3] P. 15. Venereal disease was said to have been first brought from\u003cbr /\u003eHispaniola, in the West Indies, by some followers of Columbus who were\u003cbr /\u003elater employed in the siege of Naples. From this latter circumstance it\u003cbr /\u003ewas at one time known as the Neapolitan disease.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[4] P. 19. The great earthquake of Lisbon happened on the first of\u003cbr /\u003eNovember, 1755.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[5] P. 20. Such was the aversion of the Japanese to the Christian faith\u003cbr /\u003ethat they compelled Europeans trading with their islands to trample on\u003cbr /\u003ethe cross, renounce all marks of Christianity, and swear that it was not\u003cbr /\u003etheir religion. See chap. xi. of the voyage to Laputa in Swift\u0026#39;s\u003cbr /\u003e_Gulliver\u0026#39;s Travels_.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[6] P. 23. This _auto-da-f\u0026#233;_ actually took place, some months after the\u003cbr /\u003eearthquake, on June 20, 1756.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[7] P. 23. The rejection of bacon convicting them, of course, of being\u003cbr /\u003eJews, and therefore fitting victims for an _auto-da-f\u0026#233;_.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[8] P. 24. The _San-benito_ was a kind of loose over-garment painted\u003cbr /\u003ewith flames, figures of devils, the victim\u0026#39;s own portrait, etc., worn by\u003cbr /\u003epersons condemned to death by the Inquisition when going to the stake on\u003cbr /\u003ethe occasion of an _auto-da-f\u0026#233;_. Those who expressed repentance for\u003cbr /\u003etheir errors wore a garment of the same kind covered with flames\u003cbr /\u003edirected downwards, while that worn by Jews, sorcerers, and renegades\u003cbr /\u003ebore a St. Andrew\u0026#39;s cross before and behind.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[9] P. 26. \u0026quot;This Notre-Dame is of wood; every year she weeps on the day\u003cbr /\u003eof her _f\u0026#234;te_, and the people weep also. One day the preacher, seeing a\u003cbr /\u003ecarpenter with dry eyes, asked him how it was that he did not dissolve\u003cbr /\u003ein tears when the Holy Virgin wept. \u0026#39;Ah, my reverend father,\u0026#39; replied\u003cbr /\u003ehe, \u0026#39;it is I who refastened her in her niche yesterday. I drove three\u003cbr /\u003egreat nails through her behind; it is then she would have wept if she\u003cbr /\u003ehad been able.\u0026#39;\u0026quot;–Voltaire, _M\u0026#233;langes_.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[10] P. 42. The following posthumous note of Voltaire\u0026#39;s was first added\u003cbr /\u003eto M. Beuchot\u0026#39;s edition of his works issued in 1829; \u0026quot;See the extreme\u003cbr /\u003ediscretion of the author; there has not been up to the present any Pope\u003cbr /\u003enamed Urban X.; he feared to give a bastard to a known Pope. What\u003cbr /\u003ecircumspection! What delicacy of conscience!\u0026quot; The last Pope Urban was\u003cbr /\u003ethe eighth, and he died in 1644.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[11] P. 45. Muley-Ismael was Emperor of Morocco from 1672 to 1727, and\u003cbr /\u003ewas a notoriously cruel tyrant.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[12] P. 47. \u0026quot;Oh, what a misfortune to be an eunuch!\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[13] P. 48. Carlo Broschi, called Farinelli, an Italian singer, born at\u003cbr /\u003eNaples in 1705, without being exactly Minister, governed Spain under\u003cbr /\u003eFerdinand VI.; he died in 1782. He has been made one of the chief\u003cbr /\u003epersons in one of the comic operas of MM. Auber and Scribe.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[14] P. 53. Jean Robeck, a Swede, who was born in 1672, will be found\u003cbr /\u003ementioned in Rousseau\u0026#39;s _Nouvelle H\u0026#233;lo\u0026#239;se_. He drowned himself in the\u003cbr /\u003eWeser at Bremen in 1729, and was the author of a Latin treatise on\u003cbr /\u003evoluntary death, first printed in 1735.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[15] P. 60. A spontoon was a kind of half-pike, a military weapon\u003cbr /\u003ecarried by officers of infantry and used as a medium for signalling\u003cbr /\u003eorders to the regiment.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[16] P. 64. Later Voltaire substituted the name of the Father Croust for\u003cbr /\u003ethat of Didrie. Of Croust he said in the _Dictionnaire Philosophique_\u003cbr /\u003ethat he was \u0026quot;the most brutal of the Society.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[17] P. 68. By the _Journal of Trevoux_ Voltaire meant a critical\u003cbr /\u003eperiodical printed by the Jesuits at Trevoux under the title of\u003cbr /\u003e_M\u0026#233;moires pour servir \u0026#224; l\u0026#39;Historie des Sciences et des Beaux-Arts_. It\u003cbr /\u003eexisted from 1701 until 1767, during which period its title underwent\u003cbr /\u003emany changes.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[18] P. 76. It has been suggested that Voltaire, in speaking of red\u003cbr /\u003esheep, referred to the llama, a South American ruminant allied to the\u003cbr /\u003ecamel. These animals are sometimes of a reddish colour, and were notable\u003cbr /\u003eas pack-carriers and for their fleetness.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[19] P. 78. The first English translator curiously gives \u0026quot;a tourene of\u003cbr /\u003ebouilli that weighed two hundred pounds,\u0026quot; as the equivalent of \u0026quot;_un\u003cbr /\u003econtour bouilli qui pesait deux cent livres_.\u0026quot; The French editor of the\u003cbr /\u003e1869 reprint points out that the South American vulture, or condor, is\u003cbr /\u003emeant; the name of this bird, it may be added, is taken from \u0026quot;_cuntur_,\u0026quot;\u003cbr /\u003ethat given it by the aborigines.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[20] P. 90. Spanish half-crowns.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[21] P. 99. _Socinians_; followers of the teaching of Lalius and Faustus\u003cbr /\u003eSocinus (16th century), which denied the doctrine of the Trinity, the\u003cbr /\u003edeity of Christ, the personality of the devil, the native and total\u003cbr /\u003edepravity of man, the vicarious atonement and eternal punishment. The\u003cbr /\u003eSocinians are now represented by the Unitarians. _Manicheans_; followers\u003cbr /\u003eof Manes or Manich\u0026#230;us (3rd century), a Persian who maintained that there\u003cbr /\u003eare two principles, the one good and the other evil, each equally\u003cbr /\u003epowerful in the government of the world.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[22] P. 107. In the 1759 editions, in place of the long passage in\u003cbr /\u003ebrackets from here to page 215, there was only the following: \u0026quot;\u0026#39;Sir,\u0026#39;\u003cbr /\u003esaid the Perigordian Abb\u0026#233; to him, \u0026#39;have you noticed that young person\u003cbr /\u003ewho has so roguish a face and so fine a figure? You may have her for ten\u003cbr /\u003ethousand francs a month, and fifty thousand crowns in diamonds.\u0026#39; \u0026#39;I have\u003cbr /\u003eonly a day or two to give her,\u0026#39; answered Candide, \u0026#39;because I have a\u003cbr /\u003erendezvous at Venice.\u0026#39; In the evening after supper the insinuating\u003cbr /\u003ePerigordian redoubled his politeness and attentions.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[23] P. 108. The play referred to is supposed to be \u0026quot;Le Comte d\u0026#39;Essex,\u0026quot;\u003cbr /\u003eby Thomas Corneille.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[24] P. 108. In France actors were at one time looked upon as\u003cbr /\u003eexcommunicated persons, not worthy of burial in holy ground or with\u003cbr /\u003eChristian rites. In 1730 the \u0026quot;honours of sepulture\u0026quot; were refused to\u003cbr /\u003eMademoiselle Lecouvreur (doubtless the Miss Monime of this passage).\u003cbr /\u003eVoltaire\u0026#39;s miscellaneous works contain a paper on the matter.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[25] P. 109. \u0026#201;lie-Catherine Fr\u0026#233;ron was a French critic (1719-1776) who\u003cbr /\u003eincurred the enmity of Voltaire. In 1752 Fr\u0026#233;ron, in _Lettres sur\u003cbr /\u003equelques \u0026#233;crits du temps_, wrote pointedly of Voltaire as one who chose\u003cbr /\u003eto be all things to all men, and Voltaire retaliated by references such\u003cbr /\u003eas these in _Candide_.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[26] P. 111. Gabriel Gauchat (1709-1779), French ecclesiastical writer,\u003cbr /\u003ewas author of a number of works on religious subjects.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[27] P. 112. Nicholas Charles Joseph Trublet (1697-1770) was a French\u003cbr /\u003ewriter whose criticism of Voltaire was revenged in passages such as this\u003cbr /\u003eone in _Candide_, and one in the _Pauvre Diable_ beginning:\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003eL\u0026#39;abb\u0026#233; Trublet avait alors le rage\u003cbr /\u003e D\u0026#39;\u0026#234;tre \u0026#224; Paris un petit personage.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[28] P. 120. Damiens, who attempted the life of Louis XV. in 1757, was\u003cbr /\u003eborn at Arras, capital of Artois (Atr\u0026#233;batie).\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[29] P. 120. On May 14, 1610, Ravaillac assassinated Henry VI.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[30] P. 120. On December 27, 1594, Jean Ch\u0026#226;tel attempted to assassinate\u003cbr /\u003eHenry IV.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[31] P. 122. This same curiously inept criticism of the war which cost\u003cbr /\u003eFrance her American provinces occurs in Voltaire\u0026#39;s _Memoirs_, wherein he\u003cbr /\u003esays, \u0026quot;In 1756 England made a piratical war upon France for some acres\u003cbr /\u003eof snow.\u0026quot; See also his _Pr\u0026#233;cis du Si\u0026#232;cle de Louis_ XV.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[32] P. 123. Admiral Byng was shot on March 14, 1757.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[33] P. 129. Commenting upon this passage, M. Sarcey says admirably:\u003cbr /\u003e\u0026quot;All is there! In those ten lines Voltaire has gathered all the griefs\u003cbr /\u003eand all the terrors of these creatures; the picture is admirable for its\u003cbr /\u003etruth and power! But do you not feel the pity and sympathy of the\u003cbr /\u003epainter? Here irony becomes sad, and in a way an avenger. Voltaire cries\u003cbr /\u003eout with horror against the society which throws some of its members\u003cbr /\u003einto such an abyss. He has his \u0026#39;Bartholomew\u0026#39; fever; we tremble with him\u003cbr /\u003ethrough contagion.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[34] P. 142. The following particulars of the six monarchs may prove not\u003cbr /\u003euninteresting. Achmet III. (_b._ 1673, _d._ 1739) was dethroned in 1730.\u003cbr /\u003eIvan VI. (_b._ 1740, _d._ 1762) was dethroned in 1741. Charles Edward\u003cbr /\u003eStuart, the Pretender (_b._ 1720, _d._ 1788). Auguste III. (_b._ 1696,\u003cbr /\u003e_d._ 1763). Stanislaus (_b._ 1682, _d._ 1766). Theodore (_b._ 1690, _d._\u003cbr /\u003e1755). It will be observed that, although quite impossible for the six\u003cbr /\u003ekings ever to have met, five of them might have been made to do so\u003cbr /\u003ewithout any anachronism.\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e[35] P. 149. Fran\u0026#231;ois Leopold Ragotsky (1676-1735).\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e* * * * *\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e+————————————————————+\u003cbr /\u003e | Typographical errors corrected in text: |\u003cbr /\u003e | |\u003cbr /\u003e | Page xiv: Chapter XIII heading in Table of Contents |\u003cbr /\u003e | amended to match chapter heading on page 54. |\u003cbr /\u003e | Page 2: metaphysicotheo-logico-cosmolo-nigology |\u003cbr /\u003e | amended to metaphysico-theologico-cosmolo-nigology. |\u003cbr /\u003e | Page 158: Liebnitz amended to Leibnitz. |\u003cbr /\u003e | Page 168: perserved amended to preserved. |\u003cbr /\u003e | Page 172: rougish amended to roguish; crows amended to |\u003cbr /\u003e | crowns. |\u003cbr /\u003e | |\u003cbr /\u003e | Where there is an equal number of instances of a word |\u003cbr /\u003e | being hyphenated and unhyphenated, both versions |\u003cbr /\u003e | of the word have been retained: dung-hill/dunghill; |\u003cbr /\u003e | and new-comers/newcomers. |\u003cbr /\u003e | |\u003cbr /\u003e | A single footnote on page 90 has been moved |\u003cbr /\u003e | to the endnotes, and the notes numbers re-indexed. A |\u003cbr /\u003e | page reference was added to the moved footnote to |\u003cbr /\u003e | match the format of other endnotes. |\u003cbr /\u003e | |\u003cbr /\u003e | Modern Library blurb: \u0026quot;mail complete list of titles\u0026quot; left |\u003cbr /\u003e | as is. |\u003cbr /\u003e | |\u003cbr /\u003e | There are two instances of Massa Carara (pp. 43 and 45) |\u003cbr /\u003e | and one instance of Massa-Carrara (page ix). As this |\u003cbr /\u003e | latter is in the Introduction, i.e. distinct from the book |\u003cbr /\u003e | proper, it has been retained. |\u003cbr /\u003e | |\u003cbr /\u003e | The different spellings of Cun\u0026#233;gonde (which occurs only |\u003cbr /\u003e | in the Introduction) and Robeck (which occurs in the |\u003cbr /\u003e | Notes [p. 170]; spelt Robek in the text [p. 53]) have |\u003cbr /\u003e | been retained for the same reason. |\u003cbr /\u003e | |\u003cbr /\u003e +————————————————————+\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003cp\u003e* * * * *\u003c/p\u003e\r\n\u003c/article\u003e"}],"SectionSequence":["Back Link","Work Title","Deck","Author","Period","Era","Composition","Date Note","Region","Terra Avita","Terra Avita Region","Modern Country","Original Title","Language","Primary Discipline","Secondary Discipline","Tradition","Full Versions","Core Thesis","Classification","Arguments","Influence","Significance","Evidence Note","Full Text"],"Counts":{"ContextCards":3,"GeoCards":4,"DisciplineCards":2,"Links":11,"Sections":25,"Styles":3,"Scripts":1}}